10 things you don't know about sex
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Posted:Apr 11, 2008 1:49 am
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2010 12:16 am 2390 Views
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Wing Sze Tang reports.
1: Ready, set, go–there's nearly no difference in the amount of time it takes healthy men and women to reach peak sexual arousal: roughly 10 minutes.
2: One per cent of adults have zero interest in sex and have never felt sexually attracted to anyone at all. Asexuality may be an under-the-radar sexual orientation, but researchers have only just begun to study it. On the other end of the rainbow, an estimated 3 to 6 per cent of the population have some form of sex addiction.
3: Straight, gay or flexible? Recent research suggests women may be "intrinsically bisexual," and the higher their libido, the more they desire both sexes. In another study, the female subjects–whether they considered themselves straight or gay–were physically aroused by erotic films of both men and women. In contrast, the straight men were excited just by women, and the gay men only by men.
4: Canadian men have, on average, 23 sexual partners in total (notably more than the global average of 13), according to one recent worldwide survey. Their female counterparts reportedly have 10. The hitch? Number crunchers say the finding that men have substantially more bedmates on average than women is mathematically impossible.
5: Beyond its unsexy smell and taste, smoking appears to double a man's risk of moderate or complete erectile dysfunction.
6: Once upon a time, doctors treated women suffering from "hysteria" by stimulating them to orgasm–a service dubbed "medical massage." By the 1930s, it was abandoned in favour of psychotherapy.
7: Why do I bed thee? Let me count the ways. U.S. researchers who set out to catalogue all the reasons why humans have sex came up with 237 distinct ones. Among the top 10 motives, women and men had eight in common. A notable exception: "I realized I was in love" came in at number nine for women, but at number 17 for men.
8: Having sex regularly–at least once a week–may promote fertility in women by regulating hormones and menstrual patterns.
9: Male sweat contains androstadienone, a compound that enhances mood and sexual arousal in women. Alas, it also boosts levels of stress hormones. The chemical has been used as an ingredient in men's fragrances.
10: What's love got to do with it? Sexual arousal and romantic love activate quite distinct areas of the brain–and love is clearly the more powerful. The latter turns on dopamine-rich regions linked with motivation, and falling in love is not unlike the rush of taking cocaine, hence the addictiveness of a new crush, and the withdrawal-like symptoms of love lost.
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Women's Ten Most (according to surveys)
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Posted:Apr 5, 2008 12:26 am
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2010 12:17 am 2931 Views
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Women’s Top Ten Favorite Conversation Topics
1. Hopes and aspirations
2. Hobbies/interests in general
3. Music
4. Dreams
5. Romance
6. Friends
7. Travel
8. Vacations
9. Movies
10. Entertainment
Women’s Top Ten Least Favorite Conversation Topics
1. Politics
2. Other dates
3. Past relationships
4. Science fiction
5. Religion
6. Celebrities
7. Science
8. Antiques
9. Money
10. History
Women’s Top Ten Date Picks
1. Restaurant
2. Taking a romantic walk
3. Park
4. Coffee shop
5. Live music
6. Comedy Club
7. Zoo
8. Bowling or Playing Pool
9. Amusement Park
10. Movies
Top Ten Restaurant Types for a Date
1. Casual dinner
2. Pub
3. Retro bar with live music
4. French cuisine
5. Ethnic
6. Pizza place
7. Western
8. Salad bar
9. Sushi bar
10. Family dinner
Women’s Top Ten Favorite Ways to Have Someone Flirt with Them
1. Talks about things she likes or dislikes, making comments and showing interest
2. Displays concern for her, her feelings and well-being
3. Shares jokes or amusing anecdotes with her
4. Compliments her on her screen name, attitude, personality and appearance
5. Sends her special/cute email messages
6. Makes an effort to contact her in some form most every day
7. Sends instant messages when she and you are online at the same time
8. Discusses seriously the traits she desires in a partner
9. Shows her your daring or mischievous side
10. Emails her greeting cards, gifts, pictures songs or fun attachments
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Seconds Please: Delicious Date Ideas
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Posted:Mar 27, 2008 5:06 pm
Last Updated:Apr 5, 2008 12:29 am 1801 Views
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By Lena Katz
"Throughout history, dining has been an intimate bonding experience."
So says Saryn Chorney, dating editor of the New York Post and 10-year veteran of the Manhattan dating scene.
"If people are at a concert or a bowling alley, they can just walk away. But sharing food is a sexy thing to do -- particularly in the right setting."
Part of Chorney's Post responsibilities include setting potential couples up on blind dinner dates. Venues run the gamut from casual spots such as Justin Timberlake's Southern Hospitality (where Chroney's daters ate ribs, ignored the grease dribbling down their chins, and spent the rest of the night getting hammered) to Koi (where a potential couple spent a refined four-hours over dinner).
"So much of a meal is sharing the experience," she says.
But dinner can be a lot of pressure...which is probably why less formal foodie experiences have boomed in popularity over the past few years.
In particular, wine and spirits tastings have taken over the early-evening social scene in most big cities. Whether it be wine and chocolate, wine and cheese or tequila and tapas, food-and-booze events are a way to discover similar tastes without facing the pressure of a two-hour stare-down over the salt and pepper shakers.
"The alchemy of the pairings can lead you into the alchemy of learning more about each other in a safe, delicious and exciting exploration of flavors and experiences," says Barrie Lynn, Hollywood's "Cheese Impresario."
Even without food, mixology bars have become increasingly popular recently, as cocktails become ever more a part of the gourmet scene.
"People are realizing that seasonal ingredients are as delicious on the plate as they are in a highball," says Marcia Gagliardi, founder of San Francisco food blog Tablehopper. Though Gagliardi's focus is food, her news updates include an ever-increasing number of mixology and tasting events. "The canon of cocktail recipes is deep, so it's like a new frontier of flavors to discover and experience," she says.
Of course, no matter how many innovative pairing and tasting events come on the scene, the classic wine tasting event will never go away. Wine is a sophisticate's hobby, yes, but even people who can't tell a Chateau Margaux from a Trader Joe's Two-Buck Chuck can enjoy the grape's "social lubricant" qualities. Plus, a glass of Cabernet looks so much sexier than a bottle of malt liquor. Even if the end result is the same, the choreography is a world apart.
"I think wine tasting has replaced sports talk or other types of universal discussions around the water cooler," says Ian Blackburn, founder of Learn About Wine. "It has become a very significant part of our social world. People want to discuss wines. It's a great platform to hold discussions with someone you know very little about -- and from there, to develop chemistry."
A former sommelier who's now hosting classes and events all over Southern California, Blackburn offers everything from "palate builders" to "horizontal tastings" (tastings from the same vintage or appellation but different producers...what were you thinking, you dirty mind?) He also holds bi-weekly wine and chocolate pairing events.
"A lot of people come to our classes on a date because it's a good way to find out about compatibility," explains Blackburn. "Wine, food and culture are all interlinked. A tasting leads down a path of exploration to find out how much information a person has about the world we live in. Culturally, there's so much about wine that is connected to art, history, music and other cultural affairs."
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Rules for Calling Your Date
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Posted:Mar 27, 2008 4:28 pm
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2010 12:20 am 2291 Views
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By Sarah Fielding
You've got their phone number. Good for you! Now what? Here's how to ace the art of calling a date.
The First Call
In some ways, making the very first phone call is a lot less stressful than making a follow-up call after a date. After all, you've been given a clear green light to proceed. You've probably spent some time getting to know each other online. And now you are advancing to step two.
Who Calls?
It's 2008: either the guy or girl can make the first move. Keep in mind, though, that whoever does the asking for the first date should probably also do the paying. Or at least offer to pay for the first date.
When to Call, Part I
Now is not the time to be shy or to play hard to get. If a prospective date has given you their number call them at the earliest, most appropriate opportunity. Now, I can't speak for everyone, but unless you know someone's day-to-day routine, it's probably prudent not to call before 9 am or after 9 pm.
What to Say?
Start off by letting your new friend how much you've enjoyed getting to know them online. If you're the one doing the calling, make sure you've got a particular date idea in mind, so after the pleasantries have been exchanged, you can say, "Hey, there's a great new organic café that's opened in my area, we should go for a coffee sometime." Remember, if you've already got their number, they are unlikely to turn down your invitation.
Getting the Beep
If you happen to go through to voicemail on your first call, leave a brief message but never ask for a first date unless speaking to a real, live person. It's just too impersonal.
Don't blather on; just leave your name and number and ask them to get back to you. Simple.
The Follow-up Call
Hopefully at the end of a successful date, you've been able to suss out whether there's a possible second date on the horizon. With any luck, you'll have been given a clear indication that a second date would be most welcome. Now, all you need to do is close the deal.
When to Call, Part II
This is one of the biggest issues in dating today. Calling too soon -- say, as you're on your way home from the date -- makes you seem desperate and possibly creepy. Calling too long after the date (any longer than three days is remiss) makes it seem like you don't really care. Ideally, you should call to follow-up and enquire about a second date one or two days after your first date.
What to Say?
Gushing endlessly about what a great time you had then hatching plans for next Christmas together are massive turn-offs at this early stage. When making the follow-up call, stick to positive, relevant comments about your first meeting. Then let your date know you would like to do it again sometime. Simple as that.
Call and Call Alike
When engaging in early phone exchanges with a date, a good rule of thumb is to make sure you don't call them more than they call you. No, this isn't one of those ridiculous 'rules' of dating. It's just common sense. You don't want to come across as needy or stalker-ish, so keep the 'call and call alike' rule in mind as you're reaching for the phone.
Leaving a Message
It's always nice to speak directly to the person you've called but in these hectic times, we sometimes encounter voicemail more frequently than real people. Whether to leave a message or not is a tricky one. If you're confident that you can leave a message without rambling like a lunatic, then do so. If this is beyond you, just hang up. They'll notice the missed call and hopefully get back to you.
Leaving Another Message?
Hmmm. Things seemed to go so well on the date. But now you've left two messages and still no reply? Don't write them off completely but don't call them again either -- and certainly don't ring demanding to know why they haven't returned your calls. Rather, just play it cool. If they do get back to you, and you're still interested in seeing them again, it's your call.
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How To Impress ANY Woman
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Posted:Mar 20, 2008 10:24 am
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2010 12:22 am 2392 Views
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By David DeAngelo
I personally think that most men feel a very powerful desire to IMPRESS women.
If you watch the way a man behaves when he's talking to a woman he's just met or a woman that he's on a first date with, you can SEE IT.
Maybe you've been there yourself.
I know I have. Many, many times, in fact.
The feeling that you need to impress a woman usually comes along with another feeling: DON'T SCREW THIS UP.
Here are some of the signs that a guy is feeling the need to “impress” the woman that he's talking to:
1) He tries to only say “cool” things, or things that will “impress” the woman.
2) He acts nervous and stilted during the conversation... sometimes coming across as “formal”.
3) He tries to figure out what the woman wants to hear.
4) If he says something that the woman doesn't like, he “back-pedals” and tries to change what he said to suit the woman.
5) He doesn't say anything “risky”, doesn't tease the woman, and doesn't do anything to upset her.
...in other words, when a guy is talking to a woman that he “likes”, he's usually on his “best behavior”, and he's trying to “put his best foot forward”.
To say it again, MEN FEEL A POWERFUL DRIVE TO IMPRESS THE WOMAN THAT THEY “LIKE”.
And this drive to impress often makes them act UNNATURAL.
There's your first hint, in fact...
THE SECRET
Remember at the beginning when I told you thatI was going to share a secret with you about how to impress women that not 1 in 1,000 men will figure out on their own?
Well, here it is:
STOP TRYING.
If you will just STOP TRYING to impress women, and do the things I'm teaching you instead, women will NATURALLY be “impressed” by you.
TRYING TO IMPRESS A WOMAN DOESN'T IMPRESS HER.
So let's break this down...
WHY IMPRESSING WOMEN IS THE WRONG ROAD
What's wrong with trying to “impress” women, anyway?
To start with, EVERYTHING.
When you intentionally try to impress a woman, you send the following messages on a “subtle” level:
1) I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I will try to “impress” you instead.
2) I'm not comfortable enough around women to just act normal.
3) I don't have a lot of experience with attractive women.
4) I'm insecure.
5) I don't know how to make women feel comfortable with me.
Ouch.
But it's the truth.
Women can TELL INSTANTLY when you're “trying”.
The conversation doesn't feel “normal”, your body language is strange, and you can't seem to have a regular conversation.
Now of course, I've just described the way that about 99.9999% of men act when they're first talking to a woman that they “like”.
Are you ready for a profound insight?
Here goes...
MOST MEN DO THIS WITH MOST ATTRACTIVE WOMEN MOST OF THE TIME. IN OTHER WORDS, IT'S OLD NEWS. IT'S BORING. IT'S PREDICTABLE. AND IT DOES NOT IMPRESS AT ALL.
The bottom line is that trying to impress a woman usually has the OPPOSITE effect.
It not only makes you look like a nervous guy who can't make normal conversation... it also bores the hell out of women.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD
OK, so you're out having a cup of tea with a beautiful woman you just met a few days before...
She asks you what you do for a living.
Should you answer with:
1) “Well, I'm an engineer for a software company that makes sophisticated vector widget plotting algorithms. I've been with them for three years, and I'm about to be promoted to ALGORITHM MANAGER.”
2) “I do stunt work. Have you ever seen it in a movie when a hot actor has to reveal his naked ass? That's my job.”
...?
Well, it all depends on what your outcome is.
If you want to try and IMPRESS the girl with your cool high-tech job, then #1 will work just fine.
Unfortunately, it won't impress her at all, and it will make you sound like a jackass who is trying to sound cool.
If you want to ACTUALLY impress her, try #2.
Most men don't have the BALLS to say something like this when a woman asks a “serious” question like “What do you do?”.
If you REALLY want to make a long-lasting impression, KEEP THE HUMOR GOING.
She'll say “No, really... what do you do?”.
Answer with: “No, really. Haven't you ever seen it when an actor needs a stunt ass? I mean hey... someone's got to do it”.
Now, I can't possibly go into all the reasons why it's a HUGE MISTAKE to try to impress a woman, or to feel like everything you say should be “impressive”.
There are MANY reasons for this.
MORE IMPORTANTLY, there are a few things you can do that will INSTANTLY impress a woman... and I mean REALLY impress her.
But these things aren't OBVIOUS.
The most IMPORTANT thing you can do to IMPRESS a woman is make her feel a powerful emotional ATTRACTION for you.
This feeling will stay with her long after you have left and gone home.
And it's the one thing that will make women pursue YOU... and try to impress YOU.
What's the best way to do this?
Stop trying to IMPRESS women. Stop now.
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6 Signs Its Getting Serious
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Posted:Mar 1, 2008 4:43 am
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2010 12:24 am 2945 Views
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By Sarah Fielding
What are the signs that you're moving towards a relationship with someone you've been dating and how can you help things along on your path towards coupledom?
Relationship Sign #1: You seek their opinion
You hear some great news -- or some not-so-great news -- and your first reaction is to call him/her? Sounds like the beginnings of a relationship to me. Seeking advice and approval from your date means you've moved from a casual dalliance onto something more meaningful. Confiding in your date means you have established good trust and open communication, that you value their opinion and, perhaps more tellingly, that you want them to have input into your life.
How to help things along: If you find your date confiding in you more and more, let them know that you appreciate their honesty and are touched that they want to share things with you. Make sure you reciprocate by sharing your important news with them too. This helps confirm that you're both on the same page when it comes to defining the relationship.
Relationship Sign #2: You say 'we' a lot
Saying the word 'we' a lot is a definite sign that you and your date are skipping merrily down the road to a relationship. Saying 'we' out loud reinforces the reality that you are becoming a romantic couple and shows the world you have staked a claim on one another.
How to help things along: If your date has started using the 'we' word, and you're happy to be defined as a couple, start 'we-ing' too. This shows your significant other that you are aware, and happy, that things have become more couple-focused and less about two singles dating.
Relationship Sign #3: You think of one another
It's one thing to daydream about your sexy new beau or your next hook-up with that flirty little minx you've been seeing, but quite another to really think about them. In this case, thinking about them means considering them and not making plans without first consulting with them. Prioritizing time with your date in this way is a sure sign that a casual liaison has become something more.
How to help things along: You can further reinforce your position as a couple by checking with your date before committing to plans that will take you away from them, such as nights out with the boys or weekends away with the girls. A little consideration goes a long way.
Relationship Sign #4: You can be 'you'
Being content just being with each other is a great sign that you have passed the nervous, eager-to-please dating phase and are on to something more relaxed... and more serious. Sometimes couples enter this phase without even noticing. This is the sign of a great match and the beginning of what has all the makings of an easygoing relationship.
How to help things along: Being at ease with one another is something all couples strive for. Reflect on how lucky you are to be so compatible and comfortable with your mate, and don't forget to remind them of this often.
Relationship Sign #5: You have the same taste
Your taste and style are in sync. Those who make the transition from dating to relationship often say they feel they're on 'the same wavelength' as their mate. They offer examples of how they love the same music and always know, almost instinctively, what the other person would love to receive as a gift.
How to help things along: Keep your eye out for things you know your mate would like -- a book, a piece of jewelry or some other item (note: you don't need to buy these things, merely make note of them) -- and then tell your date about it. Better still, take them window shopping to see for themselves. Your date will love that you have been thinking about them, and will be secretly thrilled that your style and taste is so in sync.
Relationship Sign #6: 'The future' is not a scary concept
Moving from casual to something more is all about being able to envisage a future with your date in it. If you can chat happily about what you'll be doing together next month or next year, you can be sure that you're on the verge of coupledom. Discussing the future without freaking out gives your date reassurance that you're enjoying the ride and don't want it to end any time soon.
How to help things along: When talk of the future crops up, remember to keep the lines of communication open by discussing possibilities together and allowing yourselves to dream. Just don't let your imagination run too wild too soon. Chatting about your next holiday together is fine. Planning the honeymoon (unless there's a ring on your finger) is probably not.
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