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New Survivor Show 5/31/2007
SOUTHERN SURVIVOR Because of the popularity of the Survivor shows, several
southern TV stations are joining together and are planning
to do their own,
entitled: "SURVIVOR-- SOUTHERN STYLE"
The contestants will start in Alabama, travel over to Georgia
and on to South Carolina. >From there they will head
up to North Carolina and over to Tennessee. They will then
proceed ...
0 Comments, 24 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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How to Tell the Sex of a Fly 5/28/2007
A woman walked into the kitchen
to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting Flies" he responded.
"Oh! Killing any?" she asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females, " he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on ...
2 Comments, 95 Views,
10 Votes
,4.98 Score
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Time Management Problem 5/26/2007
A young farm couple, Homer and Daisy, got married and just
couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields,
they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they
made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime,
they made love. The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to
travel home and another half hour to return to ...
0 Comments, 154 Views,
17 Votes
,2.56 Score
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Senior Prenup 5/24/2007
An elderly couple in their 70's were about to get married.
She said: I want to keep my house. He said: That's fine with me.
She said: And I want to keep my Cadillac. He said: That's fine with me.
She said: And I want to have sex 6 times a week. He said: That's fine with me...Put me down for Mondays
0 Comments, 38 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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Negative People 5/16/2007
This is something to think about when negative people are
doing their best to rain on your parade. Remember this story the next time
someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your
life miserable.
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled
for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip
to the hairdresser, who responded:
"Rome? Why would ...
0 Comments, 28 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Top Excuses When Caught Napping at Your Desk 5/15/2007
"It's okay...I'm still billing the ."
"..in the Lord Jesus' name, amen."
"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
"This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved
about in the last time-management course you sent me to."
"I was working smarter, not harder."
"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
I wasn't sleeping! I ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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How To Shower Like A Woman/Man 5/14/2007
How To Shower Like a Woman: Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper
according to lights and darks If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental
note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide ...
0 Comments, 45 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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Recipe 5/10/2007
A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when
he notices his friend is very well endowed.
"Damn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims.
"I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work
for it."
"What do you mean?" Jim asked.
"Well, every day for the past two years I've spent
an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds
crazy but it actually ...
0 Comments, 48 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Lady walks into a Pharmacy 5/7/2007
A nice, calm & respectable woman went into a pharmacy,
looked the Pharmacist straight into his eyes & said, "I
would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need
cyanide?"
The woman replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big & he exclaimed,
"Lord, have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! ...
0 Comments, 63 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Marketing 5/2/2007
Grocery store music -- Surround Sound >The new Supermarket near my house has an automatic
water mister to keep >the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, > >you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell
of fresh rain. > >When you approach the milk cases, >you hear cows mooing > > >and witness the scent of fresh hay. > >When you approach the egg case, >you hear hens cluck and cackle > > ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Special Poem 4/23/2007
LAUGH A LITTLE EVERY DAY.
SPECIAL POEM FOR US "SENIOR CITIZENS"
A row of bottles on my shelf Caused me to analyze myself. One yellow pill I have to pop Goes to my heart so it won't stop. A little white one that I take Goes to my hands so they won't shake. The blue ones that I use a lot Tell me I'm happy when I'm not. The purple pill goes to my brain And tells me that I ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Pig Farmer 4/22/2007
A farmer had five female pigs and, as times were hard, he
had decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.
While at the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male
pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs
and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles away from one another and
so they agreed to drive thirty miles and find a field in which
to mate ...
0 Comments, 46 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Cleaning Chickens 4/18/2007
Late again, " the third-grade teacher said to little
Sammy.
"It ain't my fault, " Miss Crabtree. "You
can blame this on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours
late is Daddy sleeps naked!"
Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd
years. So she asked little Sammy what he meant by that, despite
her mounting fears. Full of ...
0 Comments, 39 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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OOOPS 4/8/2007
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet,
and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her
boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had \bsexo?\b before,
so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the
pharmacist it's his ...
1 Comments, 1313 Views,
100 Votes
,6.64 Score
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Southern Comfort 4/7/2007
A very genteel Southern lady was driving across the Savannah
River Bridge in Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the bridge,
she noticed a young man fix'n {ready} to jump. She stopped
her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't
jump, think of your dear mother and father."
He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going
to jump."
She said, "Well, think of your wife ...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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In Bed 4/7/2007
Husband and wife in bed together.
She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.
She: "Oh, that feels good."
His hand moves to her breast.
She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."
His hand moves to her leg.
She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."
But he stops.
She: "Why did you stop?"
He: "I found the remote."
0 Comments, 44 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Heavenly Spelling Tests 4/2/2007
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven.
While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked
through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting
all around were her parents and all the other people she
had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began
calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've
been waiting for you! Good to see you." ...
0 Comments, 45 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Real Compassion 4/1/2007
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older,
it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping
as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them.
Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an
oversensitive woman.
My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation
with my wife, Peggy. When I retired a few years ...
1 Comments, 72 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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A Man Sitting At A Bar 4/1/2007
A man is sitting at a bar when the man sitting next to him slides
off his stool and onto the floor. He helps him up and buys
him a drink and ten minutes later he falls off his stool again.
Helping the guy up again he sees he doesn't think the
guy can drive himself home so he offers to give him a lift
and the guy accepts and goes to stand up and falls on his face.
The man helps him to his feet and ...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Birds & Bees 3/31/2007
The Modern Story of Where Babies
Come From.
A little boy goes to his father and asks, “Daddy, how was
I born?"
The father answers, “Well , I guess one day you will need
to find out anyway. Your Mom and I first got together in a
chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via email with your
mom and we met at Cyber-Café. We snuck into a secluded ...
0 Comments, 37 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Untangling Knots 3/31/2007
Untangling Knots
BETH MOORE AT THE AIRPORT >> For those of you who don't know Beth Moore, she is an
outstanding Bible teacher, writer of Bible studies, and
is a married mother of two daughters. She is a member of First
Baptist in Houston . This is one of her experiences: >> >> April 20, 2005 >> >> At the Airport in Knoxville >> >> Waiting to board the plane, ...
0 Comments, 21 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Gold, Common Sense & Fur 3/31/2007
Gold, Common Sense and Fur By Linda
C. Stafford
My husband and I had been happily (most of the time) married
for five years but hadn't been blessed with a baby.
I decided to do some serious praying and promised God that
if he would give us a , I would be a perfect mother, love
it with all my heart and raise it with his word as my guide.
God answered my prayers and ...
0 Comments, 22 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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The Coat Hanger 3/31/2007
The Coat Hanger A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her
small was very sick with a fever. She left her work and
stopped by the Pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found
that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to do, so she
called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.
The baby sitter told her that ...
0 Comments, 22 Views,
0 Votes
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The Atheist & the Bear 3/31/2007
An atheist was walking through the
woods when he stopped and thought: "What majestic
trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!"
Then, as he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling
in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7- foot
grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up
the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that ...
0 Comments, 15 Views,
0 Votes
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Hell - As Defined by a Chemistry Student 3/31/2007
HELL - as explained by
a Chemistry student
The following is an actual question given on a University
of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so "profound"
that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet,
which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying
it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Guy Rules 3/27/2007
The Guys' RulesÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂ
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are ...
1 Comments, 50 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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Wishes 3/21/2007
Three Guys & a Genie
Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an
American engineer are walking together one day. They come across
a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, which is
three wishes total" says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer,
and my will also farm. I want the land to be forever ...
1 Comments, 62 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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What a Night 3/14/2007
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both
were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic
on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk & walking home, they needed
to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe
with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her
friend, however, was wearing a rather ...
0 Comments, 75 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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Diary - Cat Diary 3/13/2007
DIARY >>8:00 am - food! My favorite thing! >> >>9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! >> >>9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
>> >>10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
>> >>12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! >> >>1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
>> >>3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! >> >>5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! >> ...
0 Comments, 25 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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A Priest and a Rabbi 3/10/2007
An Irish priest ran into the back of a rabbi's car. Both
men get out and inspect the damage. The rabbi says "we
are both men of God there should be no hard feelings".
The priest say's "I agree rabbi there is too much
of that in the world". The rabbi say's "
I have a bottle of sacremental wine in the car, would you
care for a snort. The priest says sure. So the Rabbi gives
him the bottle and the ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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