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How To Decide Who To Marry! 11/26/2004
( 1 ) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like,
if
you like sports, she should like it that you like sports,
and she
should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
<br>
( 2 ) No person really decides before they grow up who they're
going
to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find
out
later who you're stuck with.
-- Kirsten, ...
1 Comments, 36 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Signs that you've grown up! 11/20/2004
SIGNS THAT YOU'VE GROWN UP:
<br>
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke
any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead ...
0 Comments, 43 Views,
40 Votes
,6.67 Score
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Call the Shots! 11/20/2004
A new nurse listened while Dr. Blake was yelling, "Typhoid!
Tetanus! Measles!"
The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing
that?" The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just
likes to call the shots around here."
0 Comments, 27 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
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Tollbooth Humor! 11/20/2004
When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig,
he plowed into an empty toll booth and smashed it to bits.
<br>
Unhurt, he climbed down from the cab and looked around.
In minutes, a repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew
of workers.
<br>
The men from the crew each picked up a broken piece of the
former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
9 Votes
,1.72 Score
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The Silent Treatment 11/13/2004
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving
each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized
that the next
day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight. Not wanting to be the
first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where
he ...
4 Comments, 70 Views,
12 Votes
,5.27 Score
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Pearly Gates 11/11/2004
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter
at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season, " Saint Peter
said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes
Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out
a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter ...
1 Comments, 33 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Goodsoul51"s Money saving tips 4 Seniors 11/11/2004
A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor
<br>
asked, "What can I do for you?"
<br>
<br>
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor
looked puzzled, but agreed.
<br>
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's
nothing wrong with
the way you have intercourse, " and charged them
$50.
...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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Blow-Up Dolls 11/7/2004
I was in the chat room and someone mentioned a blow-up doll...well
let me tell you about blow-up dolls. I was feeling lonely
so I bought one...never reading the instructions (guy
thing) I used shop air (120psi) to inflate her...KA-POW...well
rats, reads inflating instructions, ok now do not exceed
2 psi, oppsss. So I got another one...this time all is well
inflating her....got her outta the ...
2 Comments, 87 Views,
19 Votes
,7.74 Score
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Gotta love it! 11/4/2004
A preacher goes to a nursing home to meet an elderly parishioner.
<br>
He notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed. He takes one.
<br>
As they talk, he can't help himself and eats one after
another.
<br>
By the time they are through talking, the bowl is empty.
<br>
He says, "Ma'am, I'm so sorry, but I seem
to have eaten all of your peanuts." ...
2 Comments, 31 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Personal Ads...What women really mean!!!! LOL 11/3/2004
Women Lies……in the personals and what they really mean
<br>
40ish ….................49
Adventurous……… Slept with everyone
Athletic……………No****
Average Looking…..Ugly
Beautiful….Pathological liar
Contagious smile……Dose a lot of pills
Emotionally secure…On ...
1 Comments, 31 Views,
10 Votes
,2.79 Score
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Recent study 11/1/2004
WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY
<br>
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about
their ass! I thought the results were pretty interesting:
<br>
85% of women think their ass is too big...
10% of women think their ass is too little...
The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him,
he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.
0 Comments, 33 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
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GOTCHA! 11/1/2004
A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have
been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several
of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good
opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been
wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week
and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from
the office & I will swing by the
house to pick my ...
0 Comments, 19 Views,
12 Votes
,6.33 Score
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The Gentleman 11/1/2004
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed,
hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel
smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well
looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.
Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties).
The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders
a drink, takes a sip, turns to her ...
0 Comments, 22 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Perception? 11/1/2004
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street
with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later
the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get
a hot mamma and be cheerful.' " The doctor said,
"I didn't say that. ...
0 Comments, 50 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
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**Soulmates In Cyber Space** 10/31/2004
This was written in a frustrated moment by a friend of mine
who used to be a member of SFF. She no longer frequents the
site, but she left me this poem to ponder over after having
had many men lie and fabricate stories to her ........
However, we are fully aware that this can also happen both
ways, so any male out there who wishes to put his two bob's
worth in, feel free..........(smiling) ...
1 Comments, 129 Views,
28 Votes
,7.04 Score
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Jokes from the Goodsoul51 laughs 9 10/27/2004
True Doctor Stories
>
> A man comes into the ER and yells,
> "My wife's going to
> have her baby in the
> cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
> rushed out to the cab,
> lifted the lady's --Dress,
> and began to take off her
> underwear. ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Jokes from the Goodsoul51 Laughs 7 10/27/2004
How many Aries does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes a lot of light bulbs.
<br>
. How many Tauruses does it take to change a light bulb?
What, me move?
<br>
. How many Geminis does it take to change a light bulb?
II
<br>
. How many Cancers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to bring his ...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Humour from Goodsoul51 laughs6 10/27/2004
this!"
>
> DRESS-UP
>
> A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw
>her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy,
you shouldn't wear that
>suit." "And why not, darling?" "You
know that it always gives you a
>headache the next morning."
>
> DEATH
>
> While walking along the sidewalk in front of his ...
0 Comments, 34 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Humour From Goodsoul51- Lauighs 2 10/27/2004
Notes For The Milkman
<br>
These are actual notes left for the Milkman.
<br>
"Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave
another one."
<br>
"Please leave an extra pint of paralyzed milk."
<br>
"Please don't leave any more milk. All they do
is drink it."
<br>
"Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife
had a baby, ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Humour From Goodsoul51 - Laughs 3 10/27/2004
<br>
%
<br>
Why We Love
>
>
> NUDITY
>
> I was driving with my three young one warm
summer evening when
>a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark
>naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout from
>the back-seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing
a seat belt!"
>
> ...
0 Comments, 19 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Humour From Goodsoul51 - Laughs 4 10/27/2004
>
> OPINIONS
>
> On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a note
>from his mother. The note read, "The opinions
expressed by this are
>not necessarily those of his parents."
>
> KETCHUP
>
> A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out
of the jar.
>During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Jokes from the Goodsoul51 Laughs 8 10/27/2004
This one comes from my Pagan friends
<br>
<br>
One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon
a large, raging, violent river. They needed to get to the
other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed
to Woden, saying, "Please Woden, give me the strength
to cross this river."
<br>
Poof!
<br>
Woden gave him big ...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Humour From Goodsoul51-Laughs 1 10/27/2004
Church Bulletins
<br>
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences
actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced
in church services:
<br>
1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking
tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all
the way from Africa.
<br>
2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a ...
0 Comments, 40 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Halloween Humour from Goodsoul51 10/27/2004
Ten Signs You Are Too Old For Halloween
<br>
You get winded from knocking on the door
<br>
You have to have someone chew the candy for you
<br>
You ask for high fiber candy only.
<br>
When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your
balance and fall over.
<br>
People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and
you're not wearing ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Jokes from the Goodsoul51 laughs 10 10/27/2004
You can't read this and stay in a bad mood!
<br>
<br>
<br>
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
<br>
Unique Up On It.
<br>
<br>
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
<br>
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
<br>
<br>
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
<br>
They Take The Psycho Path ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Jokes from the Goodsoul51 laughs 11 10/27/2004
A five year old and a four year old are upstairs in
their bedroom. "You know what?" says the five
year
old, "I think it's about time we start swearing."
The four year old nods his head in approval. The 5
year old continues, "When we go downstairs for
breakfast I'm gonna say "hell", and you
say "ass",
okay?" The four year old agrees with enthusiasm.
<br>
<br>
...
0 Comments, 28 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Jokes from the Goodsoul51 Laughs 12 10/27/2004
> > Subject: An affair or two or six
> >
> >
> > > The First Affair
> > >
> > > A married man was having an affair with his
secretary.
> > >
> > > One day, their passions overcame them and
they took off for her house,
> > > where they made passionate love all afternoon.
> > >
> > > ...
0 Comments, 19 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Jokes from the Goodsoul51 Laughs 13 10/27/2004
Subject: Moses at the airport
>Date: Sat, 7 Feb 2004 11:00:43 -0400
>
>Moses at the airport
>
>Recently while going through an airport during one
of his many trips,
>
>President Bush encountered a man with long hair, wearing
a white robe and
>sandals, holding a staff.
>
>President Bush went up to the man and said, "Aren't
you Moses?" ...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Jokes from the Goodsoul51 Laughs 14 10/27/2004
SCRABBLE
<br>
This has got to be one of the most clever E-mails. Someone
out there
either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(wait till
you see the last one)!
<br>
GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
<br>
DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
<br>
EVANGELIST: When you rearrange ...
0 Comments, 15 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Jokes from the Goodsoul51 Laughs 15 10/27/2004
PEST CONTROL
<br>
A woman was having a passionate affair with an
inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon
they were carrying on in the bedroom
together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
"Quick, " said the woman to her lover, "
into the
closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
<br>
The husband, however, became suspicious and ...
0 Comments, 45 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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