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Old flames 6/3/2005
When does it become acceptable to make a joke about a girl's
"ex jerk" or old flame. It seems okay for her
to tear him to pieces, but sometimes if you put in a dig, she
amazingly comes to his defense. is it best to simply listen
and nod when these discussions take place?
2 Comments, 161 Views,
4 Votes
,0.53 Score
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PSYCHOLOGY ROMANCE 5/29/2005
PSYCHOLOGY ROMANCE & MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A ...
1 Comments, 236 Views,
16 Votes
,4.16 Score
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Are women good or what?? 5/24/2005
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents
<br>
began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!"
He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents. We
know what a Porsche costs."
Well, " said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen
dollars."
...
2 Comments, 1207 Views,
134 Votes
,6.89 Score
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More Fish in the Sea?? 5/21/2005
As you cruize the pages of this Online "Mail order
Bride/Groom"..... Just remember, don't be
to quick to say "Theres plenty more fish in the sea!"
...At our age.....We are quickly running out of bait!!!
LOL, ROFLMAO!!!!
2 Comments, 206 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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The new Pastor 5/10/2005
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home,
but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore,
he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20"
on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday,
he found that his card had been returned. Added to it ...
7 Comments, 1289 Views,
169 Votes
,6.56 Score
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The blonde and the Coke Machine 5/3/2005
There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda
machine and she arrived there just before a business man
coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put
in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet
Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed
on a counter by the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar
and ...
2 Comments, 473 Views,
39 Votes
,4.54 Score
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The Affair! 4/30/2005
The Affair
<br>
<br>
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward,
she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife
to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go
to Italy and have the baby there.
<br>
<br>
"But how will I let you know the baby is born?"
she asked.
<br>
<br>
"Just send me a ...
4 Comments, 1072 Views,
128 Votes
,6.45 Score
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Fickle friends 4/30/2005
A man comes home early from work, only to find his wife in
bed with his best friend. The cuckold says to his wife, "This
is most humiliating". To the best friend, he says
"Bad dog".
1 Comments, 196 Views,
7 Votes
,2.02 Score
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fairy tales 4/26/2005
DO you know the difference between a fairy tale and a truck
drivers story? A fairy tale starts out with "once
upon a time" and a truck drivers story starts out with
"you aint gonna beleive this sh-t"
1 Comments, 153 Views,
7 Votes
,2.02 Score
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keeping it simple.. 4/13/2005
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply
pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto.
The blockage will be almost
instantly removed.
<br>
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables
by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
<br>
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet
seat by simply using ...
0 Comments, 160 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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state-of-the-art technology.. 3/26/2005
An American an Japanese and an Irishman
<br>
<br>
Three men, one American, one Japanese and an Irishman were
sitting naked
in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American
pressed his
forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly.
"That was my pager, " he said, "I have
a microchip under the skin of my
arm." A few minutes later a ...
1 Comments, 569 Views,
46 Votes
,4.24 Score
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new english words 3/6/2005
some funny new made-up words sent through e-mail:
<br>
Dopeler effect (n): the tendence of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come very quickly.
<br>
Arachnoleptic fit (n): the frantic dance performed just
after you've accidently walked through a spider web.
<br>
Karmageddon (n): it's like, when everybody is sending
all of these really bad vibes, right? and ...
1 Comments, 124 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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masculine vs feminine 3/4/2005
this joke has been circulating through cyberspace:
<br>
a spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in spanish,
unlike in english, nouns are designated as either masculine
or feminine. "house" for instance, is feminine:
"la case". "Pencil", however,
is masculine: "el lapiz". A student asked,
"what gender is "computer"? instead
of giving the answer, the teacher split the ...
1 Comments, 203 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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Letter to the Wrong Wife... 2/19/2005
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a
long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter.
They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent
their honeymoon 20 years ago. Because both had jobs, they
found it difficult coordinating their travel schedules.
It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a
Thursday, and his wife would follow him ...
1 Comments, 161 Views,
15 Votes
,6.65 Score
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Something to think about.... 2/15/2005
A Florida couple, both well into their 70's, go to a
sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What
can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that
such an
elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's
absolutely nothing
wrong with the way you have ...
1 Comments, 176 Views,
17 Votes
,6.80 Score
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The SFF Game 2/14/2005
This could be the result of early dementia, but...
what if we could be on the the SFF Game, kinda like the old
"Dating Game, " except it's for grandparents,
or AARP members who who are seeking compatible others for
their geriatric years. Dink Winkerson would be the host,
with Thrillist Diller as his side kick. (Her job would be
to slap anyone who fell asleep, or flash at someone who looked ...
3 Comments, 282 Views,
10 Votes
,2.79 Score
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Humor 2/14/2005
A man in Denver decided to write a book about churches around
the country.
He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working
east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking
photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone
on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign, which
read "$10, 000 a minute." Seeking out the pastor,
he asked about the ...
1 Comments, 346 Views,
44 Votes
,5.46 Score
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who got the last laugh 2/12/2005
Adam was talking to god in the garden of eden and told him
he was feeling lonely.
God told adam he could make him a companion that would pamper
to his every need and whim.Cook for him, clean for him, share
his worries and pain and still have time to satisfy his every
desire, but it would cost him an arm and a leg.
Adam thought about it for a while and then said to god that
the price was ...
1 Comments, 128 Views,
10 Votes
,2.99 Score
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Texas Humor 2/9/2005
Survivor, Texas Style
<br>
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Texas is planning
to do one
entitled, "Survivor-Texas Style." The contestants will all start in
Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to
Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed
up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo.
From there they will go on to ...
1 Comments, 103 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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Humor 2/4/2005
A father walks into a book store with his young . The boy
is
holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going
blue in
the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the
quarter and
starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman,
in a blue
business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper
and
sipping a cup ...
1 Comments, 136 Views,
12 Votes
,5.45 Score
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Don’t Mess with Grandma! 1/29/2005
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning
to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her
vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,
proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have
a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"
<br>
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They
got out and ran like mad. The ...
1 Comments, 872 Views,
103 Votes
,7.86 Score
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OMGGG.......he was too cute!! 1/25/2005
When I was living in Australia I got involved in a very sweet
relationship with a man who was 10 years younger than me.
(Now over in Australia men AND women really dont seem to
get too hung up on age) We shared many of the day to day things
such as meal preparation. We also got into some wonderful
discussions after evening tea. One evening we were discussing
humor and how in different ...
1 Comments, 100 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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25 SIGNS THAT YOU'VE GROWN UP 1/23/2005
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke
any of them.
<br>
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
<br>
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
<br>
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
<br>
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
<br>
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
<br>
7. ...
2 Comments, 256 Views,
31 Votes
,6.59 Score
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A Grandchild's Freckles 1/22/2005
An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was
sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo.
Lots of were waiting in line to get their cheeks
painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger
paws.
<br>
"You've got so many freckles, there's no
place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little
fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his ...
1 Comments, 46 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Grandma's Childhood 1/22/2005
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what
her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside
on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree
in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries
in the woods."
<br>
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she
said, "I
sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
1 Comments, 41 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Grandma & God 1/22/2005
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, Grandma,
do you know how you and God are alike?"
<br>
I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how
are we alike?"
<br>
"You're both old, " he said.
1 Comments, 78 Views,
11 Votes
,4.48 Score
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Grandma's Age 1/22/2005
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied
"I'm not sure."
<br>
"Look in your underwear, Grandma, " he advised.
"Mine says I'm four."
1 Comments, 59 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Learning the Ten Commandments 1/22/2005
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.
They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked
if anyone could tell her what it was.
<br>
Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, Thou shall
not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."
1 Comments, 54 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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20,000 Leaks 1/22/2005
Our five-year-old Mark couldn't wait to tell his
friend about the movie we had watched on television, "20, 000
Leagues Under the Sea."
<br>
The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had
kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband
interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to
sink?"
<br>
With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it ...
1 Comments, 40 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Learning to Make Babies 1/22/2005
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother,
"Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
<br>
The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep
her cool. "That's interesting, " she
said. "How do you make babies?"
<br>
"It's simple, " replied the girl. "You
just change "y" to "i" and add "es."
<br>
(Why wouldn't an English ...
1 Comments, 115 Views,
20 Votes
,3.64 Score
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