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Cannibal Restaurant 8/4/2006
A Cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon
a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat
hungry he sat down and looked over the menu...
Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked Politician: $100.00.
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why
such a price
difference for the politician?"
...
0 Comments, 52 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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A new kind of Mass 8/3/2006
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting
nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water
glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the
beginning of the ...
0 Comments, 45 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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Drunk joke 8/3/2006
A man walks into a bar and sees a $1000 bill taped to the mirror
behind the bar.
"What's the $1000 bill for?", he asks the
bartender.
"That's for anybody who can do 3 things, "
he says.
So the guy is drinking pretty heavily and he asks the bartender
what are the 3 things.
The bartender says, "See the bouncer over there?
He weighs 350 lbs, you have to knock him out ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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Santa 8/3/2006
A beautiful youngish girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she
puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives,
climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks.
He is about to leave when the girl, who happens to be a gorgeous
redhead, says in a sexy voice, "Oh Santa, please stay.
Keep the chill away."
Santa replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go, Gotta ...
0 Comments, 43 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
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Little Johnny 8/3/2006
Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground
and go into the woods.
Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane
in a"Passionate Embrace."
Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain
himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly....
"MOMMYMOMMY, IWASATTHEPLAYGROUNDANDDADDYAND..
...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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My last business trip 8/3/2006
I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely
so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised
in phone booths when your calling for a cab.
I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling
herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the
photo.
She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful
long wavy ...
0 Comments, 44 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Cruise disaster 8/3/2006
A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were
faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise,
then later question each one on the other's behavior.
When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on
the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific
behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress.
"She flirted with ...
0 Comments, 45 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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"OLD IS WHEN" 7/30/2006
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's
go upstairs and make love, " and you answer, "Honey, I
can't do both!"
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment
you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your
fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all
the wrinkles ...
0 Comments, 34 Views,
6 Votes
,5.64 Score
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Mister Cheap Date 7/21/2006
He asked me to meet him at a fast food restaurant so we could
get the senior rate for coffee. That was my first clue. Our
next date was at a library for an art show and appetizers.
The show was cancelled, a few pictures were there but no
food. Since we were already at the library, why not take
out some movies (free of charge) to watch. That evening
was dinner at his church....when they ...
0 Comments, 55 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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... BEST DRUNK STORY OF THE MONTH 7/8/2006
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits
down at the bar and orders a drink.
Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the
biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went
by your grandma 's house today and I saw her in the hallway
butt naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"
...
1 Comments, 105 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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Ethel in the Nursing Home 7/4/2006
Ethel in the Nursing Home
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to
charge
around
the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting
up to
maximum
speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic
the other
residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined
in.
One day ...
5 Comments, 215 Views,
18 Votes
,6.67 Score
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Best Toast Of The Night 6/30/2006
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's
to spending the rest of me
life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of
the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize
for the best toast of
the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending ...
6 Comments, 198 Views,
21 Votes
,6.22 Score
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Lil' Johnny Part two 6/24/2006
He replies "Oh mom, that's too bad you lost it!
Well I'm goin out for awhile." Mom feels pretty
good about how she handled the situation and that it was
most likly behind her now. Two weeks later, as mom is in the
kitchen makin supper, she hears lil John runnin up the
street callin her. "Mommy, Mommy , Mommy"
As she meets him at the back door, she sees a very proud look
on his face as ...
1 Comments, 66 Views,
6 Votes
,5.93 Score
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Another Lil' Johnny Joke 6/24/2006
One afternoon lil Johnny walks into the bathroom where
his mother is taking her shower. She is some what startled
when he pulls the curtain back to say hello! He points between
her legs and asks "what's that mommy?"
Still in shock and now embarrased to boot, the only safe
thing she can come up with for an answer is "my sponge"
True to a lil boys form he says" wow that's a nice
one mom! ...
1 Comments, 77 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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What ??? 6/21/2006
A man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they
took the afternoon off, went to her place and had sex all
afternoon. As he was getting dressed, he asked her to take
his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. She
did and he finished dressing and went home. When he got home
, his wife asked him where he had been. He said that he was
having an affair with his secretary ...
1 Comments, 93 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
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Contrary Women and what men want??? 6/2/2006
“A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An
optimist is one who hopes they are.” Quotes by Pope
John Paul the Thirteenth
why is it that women brag about how good they are to impress
men who would prefer that they be bad, unless the men would
rather talk the women into being bad.
Life on life's terms is the great mystery.
4 Comments, 127 Views,
27 Votes
,0.72 Score
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Tell me about Florida 5/15/2006
FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see
us drive.
FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.
FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take
I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.
FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and
we're Bushed.
FLORIDA: ...
1 Comments, 20 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Guide to eating for bachelors 5/15/2006
This is the ultimate guide to good food eating for bachelors...
1. BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially
acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the
surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white
or green growth areas are good indications that your bread
has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
2. CANNED GOODS: ...
1 Comments, 25 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Never take your husband/male friend shopping 5/15/2006
Why you should never take your husband shopping with you.
Letter:
Mrs. Fenton,
Our store is considering banning your
family from ever shopping with us unless your husband
stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses
over the past few months all verified by our
surveillance cameras.
...
1 Comments, 67 Views,
6 Votes
,5.93 Score
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fight for dignity 4/22/2006
read it! please
1 Comments, 85 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Whitehouse Breakfast 3/30/2006
dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at
the White House.
The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like,
and he replies,
"I'd
like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"
George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin,
"How about a quickie this morning?"
"Why, Mr. ...
5 Comments, 229 Views,
21 Votes
,5.97 Score
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Chaos and the Dancing Star 3/29/2006
Anais Nin:
We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes
in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow
partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm,
childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle
and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present.
We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.
...
1 Comments, 36 Views,
9 Votes
,0.43 Score
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sPellCheck the sPeLL On yOu 3/29/2006
Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
improvised quote by Samual Clemmons
For example, in Year 1 that useless
letter "c" would be dropped to be relapsed either
by "k" or "s", and likewise "x"
would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only Jase in
which "c" would be retained would be the "ch"
formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might ...
1 Comments, 29 Views,
9 Votes
,0.65 Score
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nEw AnD ImprOved speLL chEckEr!!!! 3/29/2006
Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c"
would be dropped to be replased either by "k"
or "s", and likewise "x" would no
longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c"
would be retained would be the "ch" formation,
which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w"
spelling, so that "which" and "one"
would take ...
1 Comments, 53 Views,
7 Votes
,1.00 Score
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The City and Country of Cyberland 3/26/2006
We can keep disagreeable folks out of our blogs and iggie
them in the chats - That must be the country in Cyblerland.
There are other areas where the city is predominant.
“In the country, if you had a mean neighbor, you could keep
off his land
and make him keep off yours. But in the city, all the foulness
and misery
and brutality of your neighbors was part of ...
1 Comments, 54 Views,
11 Votes
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All Things to All People" 3/26/2006
Striking up a conversation with the attractive woman seated
beside him on a coast-to-coast flight, a would be Romeo,
asked, "What type of man attracts you?" "I've always been drawn to Native American men, "
she replied. "They're so in tune with nature."
"I see, " the man said, nodding.
"But then, I really go for Jewish men who put women
on a pedestal and I can hardly resist ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
10 Votes
,0.20 Score
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Keys! Keys! Where are the Keys! 3/25/2006
Have you ever done this! There is someplace that you absolutely
to be and misplace the keys.
1 Comments, 51 Views,
15 Votes
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Honeydoo List for Masculine Persons 3/23/2006
Man's Honey Do List
Make the beds-- Yeah Sure! It's only going to get messed
up again. Forget that one -
Mop kitchen floor-- Pour bacon grease on the floor and let
the clean the floor.
Good doggie go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in
the snow.
Find something fun for the to do-- That tinfoil in the
microwave thing was Scratch eight !!!!!! ...
1 Comments, 53 Views,
13 Votes
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Spotted Owls get Rich at the HoneyDoo Tavern 3/23/2006
There was a fundraiser for the spotted owls at the HoneyDoo
Tavern. It was an auction for a picnic by the river and a day
of romance with a masculine person for a . The males
showed up on the stage and danced an Irish Jig. They were
wearing shamrock speedo, a derby and a smile. They showed
off their masculine assets, soon the Spotted Owls were
rich and a good time was had by all.
1 Comments, 35 Views,
12 Votes
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The Honeydoo Tavern 3/23/2006
Revenge is the naked idol of the worship
of a semi-barbarous age. Percy Bysshe Shelley
A Better alternative is to dip those disagreeable arbitators
of discord in honey. Take them to the HoneyDoo Tavern - Serve
them green tea with cakes. Pour Honey all over them. Toss
them in a jar in the sunlight. Don't forget to slap on
the ...
1 Comments, 32 Views,
13 Votes
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