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NOT TO BLAME 7/17/2016
An elderly farmer and his wife are relaxing on the front
stoep when the old woman reminds her husband that next week will mark
their golden wedding anniversary '"Let'"s have a party, dear"
she suggests. "Let"s slaughter a pig. The old-timer scratches his grizzled head "Gee I don*t know"he replies.I can"t
see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened 50 years ago.
0 Comments, 16 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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more laughter 3/12/2012
A man was removing two wheels from his car.A girl asked him:
what are you doing??Man: Can't you see the board, "Parking for two wheelers only"!!! _______
Teacher: Mack, come here, see the map and find South America.Mack:
Mam, Here it is..Teacher: Right, Good, Go to your seat.
Teacher: Students, now tell me who discovered South America, ?
Student: Miss, ,, ,, Mack .
Two cows are ...
2 Comments, 48 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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something to smile 3/12/2012
•A: yo momma so fat when she goes swimmin in the beach,
boats dock on her less •A:Yo momma so stupid, she got trapped in a grocerie store
and starved to death
Girl: Mom, i am in love with a guy..Mom shocked: How old is
the boy & what is he doing.Girl: 3 month kicking happily
in my stomach..
Man: What is a century like to you?God: It is like a short
second.Man: What is ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
3 Votes
,0.98 Score
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History Exam 3/12/2012
At a history examination.
EXAMINER: "Mention an important event in 1564."
EXAMINEE (after thinking for a long time): "Shakespeare
was born."
EXAMNER: "Very well, and in 1574?"
EXAMINEE: "Let me think...ah, yes. I know. Shakespeare's
tenth birthday!"
1 Comments, 33 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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The Farmer and the Blondes 3/12/2012
One day a farmer went outside to his pond with a bucket to
pick peaches from the peach tree next to his pond and there
were two blondes in the pond skinny dipping. When they saw
him they went to the deep end and said: “Don't make
us get out, we're naked!” He said: “I ain't.
I just came to feed my alligators.”
0 Comments, 49 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Enjoy 8/25/2010
1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under
the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd
done many times before. After she applied her lipstick
and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma,
you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will
probably never put lipstick on again without thinking
about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young ...
0 Comments, 117 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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Some pretty cute ones here. ENJOY ! 6/20/2010
Some 'Senior' personal ads seen in ''theVillages''
Florida newspapers Who says seniors don't have a sense of
humor?)
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'),
searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am ...
0 Comments, 75 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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locked her keys in the car 5/26/2010
> A woman was at work when she received a phone call that
her small > was very sick with a fever. > > > She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get
some medication. > > > She got back to her car and found that she had locked
her keys in the car. > > > She didn't know what to do, so she called home and
told the baby sitter what > had happened. > > > The baby sitter told her that the ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
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NEW CORVETTE CONVERTIBLE 3/9/2010
A FLORIDA SENIOR CITIZEN HAPPILY DROVE HIS BRAND NEW CORVETTE
CONVERTIBLE OUT OF THE DEALERSHIP....TAKING OFF DOWN
THE ROAD, HE FLOORED IT TO 80 MPH, ENJOYING THE WIND BLOWING
THROUGH WHAT LITTLE HAIR HE HAD LEFT.
"AMAZING, " HE THOUGHT AS HE FLEW DOWN I-95,
PUSHING THE PEDAL EVEN MORE. LOOKING IN HIS REAR VIEW MIRROR,
HE SAW A STATE TROOPER BEHIND HIM, LIGHTS FLASHING AND SIREN ...
0 Comments, 86 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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DID GOD MAKE ME? 3/8/2010
Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she
asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me, " the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did
God make me too?"
"Yes, God made you, " the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying
her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in a ...
0 Comments, 97 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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It could be you. 2/5/2010
$5.37. That's what the behind the counter at Taco
Bell said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes
and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already
handed the a five-spot, I started to head back out to
the truck to grab some change when the with the Elmo hairdo
said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me.
He said, "It's OK. ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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And so it goes...... 1/27/2010
A group of 40 years old buddies discuss and discuss where
they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof
zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there
have low cut blouses and nice breasts. 10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again
and once again they discuss and discuss where they should
meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they ...
0 Comments, 45 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Over the hill 1/24/2010
OVER THE HILL
You know you are over hill when ....
1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and
discover you aren't wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and
you're not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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One more time 1/20/2010
IN CHURCH 3-year-old Reese : 'Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying: 'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't
worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his ...
0 Comments, 24 Views,
0 Votes
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Happiness 1/3/2010
The place to be happy is here.The time to be happy is now.The
way to be happy is to make other people happy.
1 Comments, 28 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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GRANDMA’S 12/4/2009
I was out walking with my 4-year -old Grand . She
picked up something off of the ground and started to put
it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her
not to do that.
'Why?' my Granddaughter asked.
'Because it's been on the ground; you don't
know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs, ' I replied.
At this point, my Granddaughter ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Well my job is done 12/3/2009
Senior Road Trip While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside
restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they
left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses
on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had
been driving for about forty minutes. By then, to add to
the aggravation, they had to travel quite a ...
0 Comments, 39 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Church humor 12/2/2009
=========== A father was approached by his small who told him proudly,
"I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean,
you 'know' what the Bible means?" The replied, "I do know!" "Okay, " said his father. "What does
the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy
replied excitedly, " It stands for 'Basic Information
Before Leaving Earth.'" (This one is ...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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FIRST VISIT TO CHURCH 11/28/2009
A mother took her three-year-old to church for
the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the
choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.
All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy Birthday to
you, happy birthday to you . . ."
0 Comments, 26 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Senior Moments 10/31/2009
Though I walk through The Valley of Senior Moments for my
Senior Discount Card is with me. A pair of Reading Glasses
in each Room shall comfort me. Shall follow me all the days of my life In the restaurants of The Early Bird Special While enjoying Retirement Bliss Forever.
0 Comments, 18 Views,
0 Votes
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BIBLICAL BUMPER STICKERS 10/12/2009
BIBLICAL BUMPER STICKERS
Adam: "You are what you eat."
Eve: "At least he doesn't compare me to his mother."
Abraham: "I'm goin' not knowin'."
Noah: "Honk if you believe in treading water."
Moses: "From a basket case to the promise land."
Elizah: "When Jezebel ain't happy, ain't
nobody happy."
Balaam: "My second donkey talks!" ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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The Talking Centipede 9/25/2009
The Talking Centipede
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted
to buy an unusual pet
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede,
(100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use
for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Differences 9/13/2009
Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers
and Grandfathers is? Well here it is:
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made
a special effort with his family on the weekends.
Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter
out for a drive in the car for some bonding time.. Just he
and his granddaughter.
One particular ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
0 Votes
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Pray for Leroy 8/24/2009
"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward,
to the front at the altar, " the Preacher says. Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher
asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for
you."
Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my
hearing."
The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he
places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and ...
0 Comments, 32 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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But here's the worst of it 8/19/2009
IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking
about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps
and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is
getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially
hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
0 Votes
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HEARD ON NOAHS ARK 7/29/2009
10. "Did anyone think about bringing a couple of umbrellas?"
9. "Hey, there are more than two flies in here!"
8. "Wasn't someone supposed to put two shovels
on board?"
7. "OK, who's the wise-guy who brought the mosquitoes
on board?"
6. "Help! I need some Pepto for the elephants, QUICK!"
5. "Don't Make Me Pull This Ark Over And Come Back
There!" ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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TAXI DRIVER IN HEAVEN 7/25/2009
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St.
Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter
to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling
alley to an olympic size pool.
'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.
Next, St. ...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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bloopers of biblical proportions 7/20/2009
Written by Sunday School students
In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired
of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire
by night. ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
0 Votes
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Bible Q&A 7/19/2009
QUESTION AND ANSWER
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was
in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's . She went down to the bank of
the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married? A. Ruth-less.
Q. ...
0 Comments, 10 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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AFTER GIVING A SERMON 7/12/2009
The Baptist preacher just finished his sermon for the day
and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual
greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the
church. After shaking a few adult hands he came upon the
seven year old of one of the Deacons of the church.
"Good morning, Jonathan, " the preacher said
as he reached out to shake Jonathan’s hand.
As ...
0 Comments, 22 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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