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NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
HA   1/5/2018

I rush around while everyone else waits on me. I can't find my tights. I can't find my boots. I try to brush my hair and put on make-up at the same time. Long story short, my first day at the fire department was my last! .................... <br><br> A young woman was hospitalized but didn't have enough money to pay the hospital. She texted her husband, "In hospital. ...


0 Comments, 8 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Do Not Share with GrandKids   12/29/2017

Now that Christmas is d for this year, I can tell you that I've had access to most of Santa's mail. I found some of his replies to be nothing less than shocking, but please keep in mind that Old Nick has become somewhat jaded and ain't getting any younger. He's seen a lot and read many pleas from all over the world, but he still knows who's been 'naughty' -as we can ...


0 Comments, 1 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Bad Santa   12/28/2017

Christmas was abruptly cancelled today as three more elves and two reindeer came forward with allegations. ........................ Worst Santa Pickup Lines: "Hey, babe: when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?" ... "Wanna see my 12-inch elf?" ... "I've got something special in the sack for you!" ... "Ever have a fat guy with a whip?" ... "I ...


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
At Heaven's Gate   12/27/2017

A rich Lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. He is met by St Peter, who goes through the usual questionnaire. "What sort of Attorney are you?" says St Peter. "Public Practice... no firm...legal Gun for Hire. Any and all law really, but nothing Pro Bono ever, " is the reply. "Name?" He gives his name. St Peter goes through some files and pulls one out. "Oh, yes. ...


0 Comments, 5 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Oh No   12/27/2017

Looking For the Perfect Woman ......................... Adam, a very good looking successful man decided that it was his birthright to marry only a perfect and equally beautiful woman so that they would produce equally beautiful offspring. To achieve his goal, Adam went out to explore the world and look for the woman who would meet his high standards and with whom he could spend the rest of his ...


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Spell it O-U-T   12/19/2017

The Jewish Princess finally returns home after a long absence. In she strolls with this tall black man wearing a live Meer-Cat on his shoulder, a Vulture head-dress, sport-ing a necklace of Ostrich bones and dressed in animal skins. Her mother takes one look, immediately jumps up and beckons here over: 'No dear....let him stand there and bring the cat. We need to have a short talk. Now! ...


0 Comments, 2 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Old Farts   12/19/2017

They say that the way to a man's hearts Is good food from chicken soup to tarts. A chocolate eclair Will stiffen him there, But too much will give him the farts


0 Comments, 1 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
HuH   12/17/2017

A Jewish says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Nathan. All he wants is sex, sex and more sex. My**** is now the size of a 50-cent piece, when it used to be the size of a nickel.” Her mother says, "You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman! You live in an 8 bedroom mansion! You drive a $250, 000 Ferrari! You get $2, 000 a week allowance! You take 6 vacations a year and ...


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Santa's dilemma   12/16/2017

It's the fine little blonds turn and she settles onto Santa's lap. Takes a few minutes for old Santa to say, 'OK young lady...what do you want for Christmas.' Looking right in Santa's eyes, she said: ""Santa, all I ever wanted for Christmas is a real live dragon." 'A Dragon? I'm sorry, miss that's impossible. Please try and be realistic.' ...


0 Comments, 1 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
A Dress   12/15/2017

When her -year-old began asking questions about the facts of life, the mother carefully explained how babies were made. For several days, the went over this fainating new material with her mother. ''So the sperm from Daddy fertilizes the ovum from Mommy and the baby is carried in Mommy's tummy.'' ''That's right, hy'' her mother said. ''But how ...


0 Comments, 2 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
O - Sally   12/12/2017

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom fainted.


0 Comments, 2 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Player   12/11/2017

Fay Chester was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six and a large house. The only relief she got from her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with a dozen other women. The only flaw in the bridge club relationship was that Fay loved to tell off-color stories and the girls didn't want to hear them. To teach Fay a lesson, the other women decided that the next time she ...


0 Comments, 4 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Just 2 hours   12/9/2017

Wife's Big Birthday: <br><br> There's a fellow talking to his buddy and says, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped." His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she ...


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Go Figure   12/4/2017

♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk. <br><br> 'Happy Holidays!'


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
U tell me   12/1/2017

What deep thinkers men are... I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said that instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'. At that point I ...


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
!!   11/27/2017

A priest was getting ready for a trip to Rome, and a man came to him with a request: "When you get to Rome, could you light a candle for me and my wife? We really want and the doctor just told us we might not be able to have any." The priest agreed to the request. Ten years later, he ran into the man again in a super market. With him were ten . "This is wonderful!" said the ...


0 Comments, 1 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Opps   11/26/2017

Let me tell you friends that one simple spelling mistake--even a typo--can make your life hell. I recently penned a short, romantic note to my wife while I was away on a fishing trip, and I missed one small "e". No problem you might think. Not so. This tiny error has caused me to seek Police protection to enter my own house. Here is what I wrote – "Hi darling, I'm enjoying ...


0 Comments, 2 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
MisUnderstood   11/25/2017

<br><br> . .. On Friday nights, I drove my wife to the train station so she could visit her sick sister. A few minutes later, my sister arrived by train to help me with the house and over the weekend while my wife was gone. On Sundays, we reversed the procedure: my sister's train departed minutes before my wife's train arrived. One Friday, after my wife left but before my ...


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Parents   11/24/2017

As my wife and I were leaving for a night out on the town, our babysitter told us, "Take as long as you want!" That was five years ago. I hope she enjoys parenting! .................................."Hope the are OK."


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
VBFs   11/21/2017

Two girlfriends are having a conversation about their boyfriends when the first one says: "My boyfriend said he fantasized about having two girls at once." The other replies, "Yeah, most men do. What did you tell him?" I said, "If you can't satisfy one woman, why would you want to piss off two? ....................................


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Wealth   11/14/2017

Minerals: A science teacher at an all boys school asked her students: ", if you could own only one mineral, what would it be?" One boy said, "I would choose gold. It’s worth lots of money and I know that would buy me a fast Corvette." Another boy said, "I would want platinum because it’s worth more than gold and I could buy a fine Porsche." The teacher looks ...


0 Comments, 2 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Bigens   10/20/2017

A Church Story: A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, Mae, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So one of the ladies approached Mae ...


1 Comments, 5 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
The Few   9/27/2017

The Marine Corp started a new program to bring new recruits quickly up to speed on all of their government benefits. Insurance Specialist Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had ...


1 Comments, 3 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
3   9/2/2017

An Arkansas Delivery In the backwoods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called in to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Don't be in a rush to ...


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Trips   9/1/2017

An Special Delivery In the backwoods of Arkansas, <br><br> Bobby Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called in to assist in the delivery and since he was on stand-by, arrived on time. To keep the nervous father busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this up high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby ...


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
4 out Northen Folk   8/2/2017

Straight from Minnesota:: ////////////////////////////////// THE INVENTION: The toilet seat was invented by a Norwegian in Minnesota ... Twenty years later a North Dakotan improved it by putting a hole in the middle. ——————————————— OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS: When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, ...


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
3 or 4 Off the Wall   7/31/2017

I was walking down the road when I saw an Arab looking dude standing on a fifth floor balcony, shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?" ============================== An Emergency Call Center worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal. It seems that a caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating, "I ...


0 Comments, 1 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Oldie with newer take   7/29/2017

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke, " and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same, " says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.45 please, " and the man reaches into his pocket and ...


2 Comments, 7 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
The Italian Honeymoon   7/9/2017

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his old friends. Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?" Luigi said, "Everyting perfecto, except for da traina ride." "Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni. "Well, we boarda da traina at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she packa biga ...


2 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Two shots   6/29/2017

Two glasses of Whiskey:

A man walks into a bar with his and orders two shot glasses of good whiskey. He proposes a toast and both he and his dog empty their glasses. The girl behind the bar is surprised and asks, "Hey that's really neat, but tell me Can your perform any other tricks?". "But of course", the man answers, "he can even satisfy a woman." Unbelieving, but Anxious to know more ...


0 Comments, 3 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Bear Removal   6/25/2017

The Bear Remover:

The Bear Remover: A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for 'Bear Removers.' He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. 'What are you ...


1 Comments, 4 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Bear Removal   6/25/2017

The Bear Remover: A man out in the hills of Northern Colorado wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's one ad for 'Bear Removers.' He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in about 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean looking scared ...


0 Comments, 4 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Cut It   6/24/2017

After a Southern man moved from Atlanta to a New Jersey suburb, a fellow passenger on a train asked how he liked it in the country. "It was difficult at first, " the man replied, "but it's a lot better since I got myself a paramour." The passenger was astonished. "A paramour?" he said. "Does your wife know?" "Why Sure", said the Southerner. "She doesn't care how I cut the grass."


0 Comments, 2 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Damn I'm getting old   6/21/2017

The Clothesline - A poem: A clothesline was a news forecast, To neighbors passing by, There were no secrets you could keep, When clothes were hung to dry. - - It also was a friendly link, For neighbors always knew If company had stopped by To spend a night or two. - - For then you'd see the "fancy sheets, " And towels upon the line; You'd see the "company table cloths, " With intricate designs - ...


0 Comments, 1 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
An Up Date   6/17/2017

There are important questions that need to be answered about this recent LGBT bathroom legislation and whether transgender people will be permitted to use a restroom of the gender that they 'identify' with or be required to use the restroom of their biological gender.

OK so...will all public restrooms be required to have a Genital Inspection Station posted at the entrance to all public ...


2 Comments, 4 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Parrots - go figure   6/8/2017

A lady, the priest, and parrots! A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know to say one thing.' 'What do they say?' the priest asked. They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' 'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment..... 'You know, ' he said, 'I may have a solution to your ...


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
NewOrleansOlStud 71 M
91  Articles
Honorary Degrees   6/1/2017

......... A rich man walks into the Dean's Office at a small college. "I'd like to donate several million dollars to the institution." "Why, that's very generous of you." "But there is one condition: I'd like you to bestow an honorary degree." "That's no problem; no problem at all." "I haven't finished. I want an honorary degree for my ." "Your ?" "Yup, you bet. She carried me for many a year and ...


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
avefenix510 70 M
4  Articles
more laughter   3/12/2012

A man was removing two wheels from his car.A girl asked him: what are you doing??Man: Can't you see the board, "Parking for two wheelers only"!!! _______

Teacher: Mack, come here, see the map and find South America.Mack: Mam, Here it is..Teacher: Right, Good, Go to your seat. Teacher: Students, now tell me who discovered South America, ? Student: Miss, ,, ,, Mack .

Two cows are ...


2 Comments, 42 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
avefenix510 70 M
4  Articles
something to smile   3/12/2012

•A: yo momma so fat when she goes swimmin in the beach, boats dock on her less •A:Yo momma so stupid, she got trapped in a grocerie store and starved to death

Girl: Mom, i am in love with a guy..Mom shocked: How old is the boy & what is he doing.Girl: 3 month kicking happily in my stomach..

Man: What is a century like to you?God: It is like a short second.Man: What is ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 3 Votes ,0.98 Score
avefenix510 70 M
4  Articles
History Exam   3/12/2012

At a history examination.

EXAMINER: "Mention an important event in 1564."

EXAMINEE (after thinking for a long time): "Shakespeare was born."

EXAMNER: "Very well, and in 1574?"

EXAMINEE: "Let me think...ah, yes. I know. Shakespeare's tenth birthday!"


0 Comments, 28 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
avefenix510 70 M
4  Articles
The Farmer and the Blondes   3/12/2012

One day a farmer went outside to his pond with a bucket to pick peaches from the peach tree next to his pond and there were two blondes in the pond skinny dipping. When they saw him they went to the deep end and said: “Don't make us get out, we're naked!” He said: “I ain't. I just came to feed my alligators.”


0 Comments, 37 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Enjoy   8/25/2010

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....

2. My young ...


0 Comments, 109 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Some pretty cute ones here. ENJOY !   6/20/2010

Some 'Senior' personal ads seen in ''theVillages'' Florida newspapersWho says seniors don't have a sense of humor?)

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am ...


0 Comments, 69 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
locked her keys in the car   5/26/2010

> A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small > was very sick with a fever. > > > She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. > > > She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. > > > She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what > had happened. > > > The baby sitter told her that the ...


1 Comments, 90 Views, 8 Votes ,3.94 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
NEW CORVETTE CONVERTIBLE   3/9/2010

A FLORIDA SENIOR CITIZEN HAPPILY DROVE HIS BRAND NEW CORVETTE CONVERTIBLE OUT OF THE DEALERSHIP....TAKING OFF DOWN THE ROAD, HE FLOORED IT TO 80 MPH, ENJOYING THE WIND BLOWING THROUGH WHAT LITTLE HAIR HE HAD LEFT.

"AMAZING, " HE THOUGHT AS HE FLEW DOWN I-95, PUSHING THE PEDAL EVEN MORE. LOOKING IN HIS REAR VIEW MIRROR, HE SAW A STATE TROOPER BEHIND HIM, LIGHTS FLASHING AND SIREN ...


2 Comments, 83 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
DID GOD MAKE ME?   3/8/2010

Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"

"Yes, God made me, " the grandfather answered.

A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?"

"Yes, God made you, " the older man answered.

For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in a ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
It could be you.   2/5/2010

$5.37. That's what the behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.

I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the with the Elmo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me.

He said, "It's OK. ...


1 Comments, 58 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
And so it goes......   1/27/2010

A group of 40 years old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts. 10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they ...


0 Comments, 39 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Over the hill   1/24/2010

OVER THE HILL

You know you are over hill when ....

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.

2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

4. Your back goes out but you stay home.

5. When you wake up looking like ...


0 Comments, 45 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
One more time   1/20/2010

IN CHURCH 3-year-old Reese : 'Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



A little boy was overheard praying: 'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.'



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



After the christening of his ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
GRANDMA’S   12/4/2009

I was out walking with my 4-year -old Grand . She picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

'Why?' my Granddaughter asked.

'Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs, ' I replied.

At this point, my Granddaughter ...


0 Comments, 45 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Well my job is done   12/3/2009

Senior Road Trip While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a ...


0 Comments, 38 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Church humor   12/2/2009

=========== A father was approached by his small who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The replied, "I do know!" "Okay, " said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly, " It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'" (This one is ...


1 Comments, 35 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
FIRST VISIT TO CHURCH   11/28/2009

A mother took her three-year-old to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.

All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you . . ."


0 Comments, 25 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Senior Moments   10/31/2009

Though I walk through The Valley of Senior Moments for my Senior Discount Card is with me. A pair of Reading Glasses in each Room shall comfort me. Shall follow me all the days of my life In the restaurants of The Early Bird Special While enjoying Retirement Bliss Forever.


0 Comments, 17 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
BIBLICAL BUMPER STICKERS   10/12/2009

BIBLICAL BUMPER STICKERS

Adam: "You are what you eat."

Eve: "At least he doesn't compare me to his mother."

Abraham: "I'm goin' not knowin'."

Noah: "Honk if you believe in treading water."

Moses: "From a basket case to the promise land."

Elizah: "When Jezebel ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

Balaam: "My second donkey talks!" ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
The Talking Centipede   9/25/2009

The Talking Centipede

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet

After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, ...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Differences   9/13/2009

Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is? Well here it is:

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends.

Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time.. Just he and his granddaughter.

One particular ...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Pray for Leroy   8/24/2009

"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar, " the Preacher says. Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you."

Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and ...


0 Comments, 31 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
But here's the worst of it   8/19/2009

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
HEARD ON NOAHS ARK   7/29/2009

10. "Did anyone think about bringing a couple of umbrellas?"

9. "Hey, there are more than two flies in here!"

8. "Wasn't someone supposed to put two shovels on board?"

7. "OK, who's the wise-guy who brought the mosquitoes on board?"

6. "Help! I need some Pepto for the elephants, QUICK!"

5. "Don't Make Me Pull This Ark Over And Come Back There!" ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
TAXI DRIVER IN HEAVEN   7/25/2009

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool.

'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.

Next, St. ...


2 Comments, 34 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
bloopers of biblical proportions   7/20/2009

Written by Sunday School students

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.

Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Bible Q&A   7/19/2009

QUESTION AND ANSWER



Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's . She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married? A. Ruth-less.

Q. ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
AFTER GIVING A SERMON   7/12/2009

The Baptist preacher just finished his sermon for the day and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the church. After shaking a few adult hands he came upon the seven year old of one of the Deacons of the church.

"Good morning, Jonathan, " the preacher said as he reached out to shake Jonathan’s hand.

As ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Teeth Problem   7/8/2009

This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.

The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.

The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.

But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way.

The first Sunday, my gums were so ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Fishy Story   7/8/2009

> An Ole story: > > > > Ole was stopped by a game warden in Northern Minnesota leaving a lake well > known for its Walleye. He had two buckets of fish. As it was during the > spawning season, the game warden asked, "Do you have a license to catch those > fish?" > > Ole replied, "No, sir! Dese here are my pet fish." > > "Pet fish?" The warden asked. > > "Ya sure, you betcha, " answered Ole. "Every ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
MINISTER GIVES SERMON   7/5/2009

MINISTER GIVES SERMON

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.

Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.

After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
attracting only the finest bellringers in the country   7/2/2009

There was a monastery in France at the edge of a cliff overlooking a beautiful valley, and because its bells could be heard over such a wide area, it developed a reputation for attracting only the finest bellringers in the country. There was always a bit of dread when a bellringer passed on or retired, and one year, when they spread the word of their need for a new master, there was a dearth of ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Listen to what the little tykes say   7/2/2009

Each paragraph is a small vignette and out of the mouths of "babes"! Never hurts to listen to what the little tykes say!

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy ...


1 Comments, 35 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
BENEFITS OF THE REVIVAL   6/15/2009

After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.

The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families."

The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained 6 new families."

The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest ...


0 Comments, 7 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Just a wonderful senior love story:   6/13/2009

> An elderly gent was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one > evening. > > He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his > wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, > Pumpkin, etc. > > The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were > still very much in love. > > While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Foyer of the church   6/12/2009

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.' Good morning Pastor, he replied, ...


0 Comments, 8 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Smile, it gives your face something to do!   6/10/2009

Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed Him "playing church" with their cat.



He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work. A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back To the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water. She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!" ...


0 Comments, 7 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
FOR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER   5/24/2009

I REMEMBER……………

Hollywood Squares:

These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.. I have to add this one in, I remember it so well! I laughed most of the day and it kept popping into ...


1 Comments, 40 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Senior marriage   5/22/2009

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore.

Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Monastery of Silence   5/19/2009

> Sister Maria Elisabeth entered the Monastery of Silence. > > > The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery. > You are welcome here as long as you like, > but you may not speak until directed to do so." > > Sister Maria Elisabeth lived in the monastery for 5 years > before the Priest said to her, > "Sister Maria Elisabeth, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two > words." > > ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
DEAF MEN IN A BAR   5/11/2009

A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.

When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign.

The man thought that was great. ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Helping   5/8/2009

HELPING A CRIMINAL When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.





A DRUNK IRISIHMAN FALLS

O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Getting old in Florida   5/7/2009

> > Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in Bonita Springs, doing > > nothing. > > One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?' > > The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.' > > The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?' > > The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.' > > After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives you to the > > beach?' > > ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Groaners   4/22/2009

Alcohol and calculus don't mix so don't drink and derive.

“Why was the ink drop sad?

Because her dad was in the pen and she didn't know how long the sentence would be!”


1 Comments, 16 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
77566tex 84 M
5  Articles
Oh, no!!!!!!!   4/21/2009

Sally said on the phone to her girl "Before I could tell him, I wasn't that kind of girl, I WAS !!!


1 Comments, 42 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
77566tex 84 M
5  Articles
Bible story   4/21/2009

A Sunday school teacher was instructing her class on the bible. She told them about the kings of the old testament and the queens who vied for attention. "We just learned about the powerful kings and queens of the bible, but there is a higher power, " the teacher said. "Can anybody tell me what that is." A student raised her hand and said "Aces!"


1 Comments, 28 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
77566tex 84 M
5  Articles
How much?   4/20/2009

"Who was the first man, for $1000?", a game show host ask a pretty female contestant.

" The first man was Peter, my math tutor, " she replied, " but I've never been paid more than $500."


3 Comments, 37 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
77566tex 84 M
5  Articles
Addressing a crimial   4/20/2009

What do they call a first time offender in Saudi Arabia?

Lefty.


1 Comments, 37 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
AND YOU EXPECTED WHAT?   4/8/2009

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.

"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"

"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?!" the manager asked.

"That's the one!" ...


1 Comments, 36 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
AP Government Class   4/3/2009

Natural Born Citizen

Since we now have a new president some political humor might be in store. The following is a funny and true story occurring in an AP Government class at Santa Fe High School .

In one civics class, the young adults were discussing the qualifications to be president of the United States It is pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at ...


1 Comments, 28 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
_JKH54_ 64 M
26  Articles
Happy Mental Health Day!   3/7/2009

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. ...


3 Comments, 40 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
HOUSEWORK'!   3/7/2009

Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished!

It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said, 'Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex'.

The night went ...


1 Comments, 30 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Sorry about this!   3/3/2009

Notice:

Due to recent budget cuts, high unemployment and the rising costs of food, electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, and the overall state of the union, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

We apologize for any inconvenience.


1 Comments, 24 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED MINDS"   2/25/2009

PUNS

01. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 02. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . 03. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 04. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of ...


1 Comments, 22 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
IRS decides to audit Grandpa   2/23/2009

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.



The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling.

I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great ...


1 Comments, 32 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
_JKH54_ 64 M
26  Articles
Border Patrol Test !   2/23/2009

A man seeking to join a border state Sheriff's Department is being interviewed.

The Sergeant doing the interview says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."

Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, ...


1 Comments, 45 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Getting older in Florida   2/18/2009

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in Bonita Springs doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh, sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?" ******************************** Three old ladies ...


1 Comments, 43 Views, 7 Votes ,6.10 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
'2' for English   2/14/2009

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.



1. The Japanese eat very little fat And suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat And suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine And suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

4. The ...


1 Comments, 22 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
FOR PEOPLE OVER 50   2/7/2009

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.



With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.



Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move ...


1 Comments, 25 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
A Doctor was addressing a large audience:   2/1/2009

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long- term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, ...


1 Comments, 23 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
STUNNING SENIOR MOMENT.......   1/26/2009

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.





"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one, " the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young ...


1 Comments, 20 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!   1/25/2009

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a , adults used to bore me to tears With their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning. Uphill... barefoot.... BOTH ways

Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, There was no ...


1 Comments, 25 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Tour   1/22/2009

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in ...


1 Comments, 15 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
PUN INTENDED   1/18/2009

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt ...


1 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Gramps has his hands full   1/18/2009

A woman is in a grocery store and happens upon a grandpa and his poorly behaving 3 year-old grandson at every turn. It's obvious Gramps has his hands full with the screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda.

Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, 'Easy, Albert, we won't be long -- easy, boy.' ...


1 Comments, 16 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
NEW MEDS   1/16/2009

Stressed out today? Cheer up! Modern medicine has come up with some great > new stuff to make life easier.



• St. Mom's Wort ... Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

• Empty Nestrogen ... Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as ...


1 Comments, 10 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
SERENITY   1/13/2009

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,

'How old was your husband?' '98, ' she replied.

'Two years older than me'

'So you're 96, ' the undertaker commented.

She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?







Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

'And what do ...


1 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Monastery in Europe   1/4/2009

There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air.

The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength.

Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way ...


2 Comments, 19 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
A couple new add-ons to an old one   1/1/2009

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1, 000 miles to the gallon.'

...


2 Comments, 18 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
One of these days   1/1/2009

Q: What's the definition of optimism? A: An investment banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday evening. *** How do you start a small business these days? Simple, buy a big one and wait. *** The credit crunch is getting bad, isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow a tenner a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now North Carolina's fourth biggest lender. *** Q: What is the difference ...


2 Comments, 13 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
_JKH54_ 64 M
26  Articles
Be the man of your house !   12/12/2008

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'.

He stormed into the kitchen and announced to his wife, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house use and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go ...


3 Comments, 44 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
The store wasn't ready   12/4/2008

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.' No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a ...


1 Comments, 13 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
New movie project   11/29/2008

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segall, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present. Spielberg strongly desired the box office 'oomph' of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they wished to portray, as long as they were famous. ...


1 Comments, 10 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Whatever you give   11/24/2008

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.







So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of ...


1 Comments, 13 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
A Kentucky Ghost Story   11/16/2008

> This happened about a month ago just outside of Owensboro, > Kentucky, a small town on the banks of the Ohio River. While > it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's indeed > real. > An out of state traveler was walking along the side of the > road hitchhiking on a dark night in the middle of a > thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by It was > raining so hard he could barely ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
DenverColorado 81 M
7  Articles
My Mom Was a smugler . .   11/15/2008

[bg width=75% border=3 bordercolor=red bgcolor=yellow][bg width=100% border=2 bordercolor=red bgcolor=red][bg width=100% width=100% border=1 bordercolor=red bgcolor=red][font face=monotype corsiva color=black size=6]
My Mom

Autobiography

by Denver Colorado August 1946.

El Paso, Texas.

My parents sold their large home and got rid of all ...


2 Comments, 31 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Sunday Paper   10/29/2008

For all of us who are --- seniors ---

for all of you who know --- seniors ---

and for all of you who --- will be seniors ---







Sunday Paper . . . . .





'WHERE Is My SUNDAY PAPER?' The irate customer calling

the newspaper office loudly demanded, wanting to know why

her Sunday edition had not yet ...


2 Comments, 20 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Hillbilly went hunting   10/23/2008

A Hillbilly went hunting one day in Georgia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like hillbillies.

The game warden ordered the hillbilly to show his hunting license; the hillbilly pulled out a valid Georgia hunting license.

The game warden looked at the ...


1 Comments, 18 Views, 0 Votes
_JKH54_ 64 M
26  Articles
Wabbits!   10/17/2008

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over ...


1 Comments, 27 Views, 0 Votes
_JKH54_ 64 M
26  Articles
The boss?   10/17/2008

A secretary comes in late for work for the third day in a row, so her boss calls her into his office.

"Look, Sharon, " he says irritably. "I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you that, just because we had an affair, you could come and go as you please around here?"



...


1 Comments, 22 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
_JKH54_ 64 M
26  Articles
The Marine White House guard!   10/17/2008

Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes and says, 'Nice pigs, sir.'

The President replies 'These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of The ...


1 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
What?   9/29/2008

A Jewish lady dining in a fine restaurant is about to bite into her meal when she turns to the man sitting alone at the table next to her.

'Pardon me, sir' she says. 'Your napkin has fallen on the floor.

'Oy! Tanks for dat. Vitout you, I vouldn't know. I'm blindt.'

He reaches down to find his napkin.

Once it's back on his lap, he asks her if he has spilled any ...


1 Comments, 25 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Perfect Diet   9/28/2008

Yesterday I was at my local Target buying a large bag of Purina chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, ...


1 Comments, 11 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Holiday Education   9/21/2008

A Jewish girl tells her Catholic college roommate that she's going home for Rosh Hashanah

The Catholic girl asks the Jewish girl, "Is this the holiday when you light the candles?"

"No, " the Jewish girl replies, "That's Hannukah"

The Catholic girl then asks the Jewish girl, "Is that when you eat unleavened bread?"

"No, " the Jewish girl replies, "That's ...


0 Comments, 7 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Spread the Stupidity   8/26/2008

Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America ......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in ...


0 Comments, 3 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Giving birth at 65   8/25/2008

> Too good not to pass on, Enjoy !!! > > With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a > 65-year-oldfriend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged > fromthe hospital and went home, I went to visit. > > 'May I see the new baby?' I asked > > 'Not yet, ' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.' > > Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I ...


0 Comments, 5 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Computer Problem   8/22/2008

> I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the great > little 11 year old from next door whose bedroom looks like > Mission Control, and asked him to come over. > > Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. > > As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He > replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.' > > I didn't want to appear stupid, but ...


0 Comments, 7 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
A learning process   8/17/2008

A new priest, born and raised in Texas , is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple of confessions' and then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest suggests, 'Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like ...


0 Comments, 6 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Celibacy   8/11/2008

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife Ann, listened to the instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.

He addressed the men, 'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?'

Walter leaned over, touched ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Don't make a Nurse angry   8/5/2008

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. >> >>>> The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." >> >>>> After complaining for several ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
CADDIE OVERHEARD   8/2/2008

The 10 best caddie comments: #10 Golfer: 'I think I am going to drown myself in the lake.' Caddie: 'Do you think you can keep your head down that long?' #9 Golfer: 'I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.' Caddy: 'Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth.' #8 Golfer: 'Do you think my game is improving?' Caddy: 'Yes sir. You miss ...


0 Comments, 5 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
RandyTeacher 63 M
17  Articles
The Mule and The Mother In Law   7/25/2008

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that ...


1 Comments, 59 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Why?   7/25/2008

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean ...


0 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Quick Thinking   7/22/2008

Quick thinking

I wish I could think so quickly. . .





A man boarded a plane with 6 .

After they got settled in their seats a woman

sitting across the aisle from him leaned over

to him and asked, 'Are all of those yours?'





He replied, 'No. I work for a condom company.

These are customer complaints.'


0 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Church   7/10/2008

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, 'I'm not going.' 'Why not?' she asked. I'll give you two good reasons, ' he said. '(1), they don't like me, and (2), I don't like them.' His mother replied, 'I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church. (1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!' ...


1 Comments, 28 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
DenverColorado 81 M
7  Articles
Squirrel From HELL . . . .   7/6/2008

[bg border=5 bordercolor=black bgcolor=white cellpadding=5]


Biker & Squirrel

by Unknown

I never dreamed slowly cruising on my Chopper through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect. I was on Brice Street a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic.

As I passed an on coming ...



1 Comments, 33 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
New Living Will Form   6/29/2008

New Living Will Form







I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested in simply running up ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
_JKH54_ 64 M
26  Articles
The lie dectector   6/27/2008

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 y/o , returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. ...


4 Comments, 61 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
DRINK, STEAL, SWEAR & LIE   6/26/2008

DRINK, STEAL, SWEAR & LIE



I met this guy awhile ago, and he has A motto he lives by everyday. He said listen carefully and Live by these 4 rules : Drink, Steal, Swear, & Lie.

I was shaking my head 'No, but he then told me to listen While he explained his four rules. So here they are :

1. DRINK from the 'springs of living water' every day.

2. STEAL a ...


1 Comments, 20 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Touring Toronto   6/24/2008

Siamese twins walk into a pub in Toronto and park themselves on a bar stool.

One of them says to the bartender, 'Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers please'.

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. 'Been on holiday yet, lads?'

'Off to England next month, ' ...


1 Comments, 14 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Need to hunt   6/22/2008

A doctor in Duluth, Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting so he approached his assistant.

'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic.'

'I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'

'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: 'So, Ole, how was your day?' ...


1 Comments, 17 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Retired project   6/18/2008

I've often been asked, 'What do you people do now that you're retired?'

Well, I have a friend who has a chemistry background and one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, bourbon, scotch, gin, vodka, and wine into urine.

And, by golly, we're pretty damn good at it!!


1 Comments, 18 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
_JKH54_ 64 M
26  Articles
Belle & JKH meet out west!   6/18/2008

In 1883 A young cowgirl by the name of Belle la Donna from Texas, dusty from the road walks into a chili joint in Burnt Scortum, New Mexico to have a bowl of chili and a beer. She sits down next to an old outlaw by the name of JKH from Tennessee that is also passing thru the territory headed for California, who sits staring at his full bowl of chili with a beer in his hand drunk as hell. ...


7 Comments, 94 Views, 8 Votes ,1.16 Score
_JKH54_ 64 M
26  Articles
Both hands boy!   6/17/2008

A Tennessee state trooper pulls over a young man that looked a lot like me back in 70's in a pickup on a lonely state highway that is driving erratically.

The trooper had noticed that the young man driving the truck had a woman passenger that was sitting nearly on top of him as he drove and that she had one foot on the dash of the truck.

When the trooper walked up to the ...


2 Comments, 48 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Chicken crossed the road   6/14/2008

Why did the chicken cross the road?



BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
_JKH54_ 64 M
26  Articles
The Lone Ranger has been captured!   6/12/2008

The Lone Ranger is captured by Indians... The Indian Chief proclaims, 'So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests.

What is your first request?'

The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my .'

The Chief nods and Silver is brought ...


4 Comments, 67 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
_JKH54_ 64 M
26  Articles
Bubba's hearing!   6/9/2008

Bubba goes to the tent revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over.

Bubba slowly rises from his chair and gets in line. When it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what you want me to pray about?"

Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

So the preacher puts his right ...


8 Comments, 101 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
_JKH54_ 64 M
26  Articles
It's the little ole lady from Pasadena!   6/9/2008

The little ole lady from Pasadena, (Ethel)and a pal of hers, (Mildred) that acted about like each other, (both around 75 years old) were out driving in the little ole lady from Pasadena's 1972 Cadillac convertible with the top down over in El Segundo drunk as hell looking for a fat burger stand near LA International Airport were the traffic was heavy duty, (both of them could barely see over the ...


1 Comments, 58 Views, 8 Votes ,3.48 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Old Fairy Tale Revisited   5/6/2008

One day, long, long ago....... there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.

But this was a long time ago.......

and it was just that one day.

The End


1 Comments, 24 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Boudreaux N Thibodeaux   4/12/2008

Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist Church, and Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across the road. They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that read: *'Da End is Near! Turn You self Around Now! Before It's Too Late!'*

As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, 'You religious ...


1 Comments, 29 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
SENIOR TRAVELERS   3/27/2008

A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous Destinations around the world.





The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop: 'I know that on your pension you could never hope to ...


1 Comments, 37 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
This is funny   3/21/2008

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and invite everyone to the wedding. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.



2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve extension cords in here." The jumper cable says, "Hey, I'm not an extension cord, I'm a jumper cable!" The bartender says, "OK, I'll serve you, but don't start ...


1 Comments, 26 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
winkay66 78 F
7  Articles
Cow Story   3/15/2008

A farmer who raised beef cattle decided he needed a milk cow so he could have fresh milk whenever we wanted. He bought the cow and introduced it to his prize bull. After several weeks nothing was happening so he called in his vet. The vet checked out the cow and said he could find nothing wrong with her. "What seems to be the problem?" he asked. The farmer replied that whenever the bull ...


1 Comments, 72 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Response   3/9/2008

A couple made a deal that who ever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word he made contact. "Connie....Connie."

"Is that you, Joe?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's wonderful! What's it like?"

...


1 Comments, 34 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
BIRTHDAY REMINDER   3/6/2008

----- BIRTHDAY REMINDER

This week we celebrate a special birthday. Monica Lewinsky turned 34.

Can you believe it?! It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, and putting everything in her mouth.

They grow up so fast, don't they?


1 Comments, 25 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Having a baby   3/6/2008

OLE 'N LENA HAVE A BABY

Lena is pregnant with Ole's . Late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, 'I tink it's time!' So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, 'A ! Ain't dat great!' Well, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den the doctor spoke up and said, Hold on! ...


1 Comments, 33 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Thoughts   2/28/2008

Thought 1 # When we are born, our mother's get the compliments. When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity. When we die, our widows get the life insurance.

# Thought 2 # The average man's life consists of: Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too. ...


1 Comments, 22 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
$50.00 IS $50.00   2/27/2008

MORRIS AND HIS WIFE, ESTHER WENT TO THE STATE FAIR EVERY YEAR. EVERY YEAR, MORRIS WOULD SAY, 'ESTHER, I'D LIKE TO RIDE IN THAT HELICOPTER.' ESTHER ALWAYS REPLIED, 'I KNOW MORRIS, BUT THAT HELICOPTER RIDE IS 50 DOLLARS AND 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS.'

FEW YEARS LATER, ESTHER AND MORRIS WENT TO THE FAIR. MORRIS SAID, 'ESTHER, I'M 85 YEARS OLD. IF I DON'T RIDE THATÂ HELICOPTER NOW, I MIGHT ...


1 Comments, 26 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
From the farm pond   2/25/2008

An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man kneeling down and drinking from his farm pond. The Amish farmer shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen."

(Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows have crapped in it") The kneeling man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand you. I speak Arabic and English.

If you can't speak in the ...


1 Comments, 26 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Sally with a smile   2/10/2008

Little Sally came home from school and with a smile on her face and told her mother, 'Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today!'





Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, 'It reminded me of a peanut.'

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, 'Really small, was it?'

Sally replied, 'No... salty!'

Mom fainted


1 Comments, 44 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
winkay66 78 F
7  Articles
Familiar Story   2/8/2008

A husband and wife were visiting the zoo and admiring a huge male gorilla putting on a great show. Suddenly the gorilla reached over the bars and grabbed the wife and pulled her into his cave. The husband just watched and then called to her: "Be sure to tell him about your headaches".

The poor woman was in the cave for two weeks before she was able to escape. After a visit to the ...


1 Comments, 100 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
THE PSYCHIATRIST AND THE PROCTOLOGIST   2/3/2008

THE PSYCHIATRIST AND THE PROCTOLOGIST

Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading:

"Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, "Hysterias and Posteriors."

The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the ...


1 Comments, 30 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Car Trouble   1/30/2008

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks ...


1 Comments, 52 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Two old guys   1/20/2008

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park

bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even

short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's

stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said "Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every day. It

keeps your ...


1 Comments, 41 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Religious Differences   1/19/2008

A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.





'Hello', said the little boy



'Hi, ' replied the little girl.



'Where are you going?' asked the little boy.

'I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way ...


1 Comments, 31 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Not a single   1/6/2008

A father, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old out for a drive in the car for some bonding time. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and he really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their out. When they ...


1 Comments, 37 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
52 years ago!   12/20/2007

>>>>> Comments made in the year 1955! >>>>> That's only 52 years ago! > > >>>>> 'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's >>>>> going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00.' > >>>>> 'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long >>>>> before $2, 000.00 will only buy a used one.' > >>>>> 'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm ...


1 Comments, 31 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Need a good laugh   12/17/2007

If you need a good laugh, try reading through these 's science exam answers

Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines ...


1 Comments, 48 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
THE HAIRDRYER MAKES IT THROUGH CUSTOMS   11/29/2007

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course my . What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for ...


1 Comments, 48 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
GOOD OLD JOKES   11/8/2007

BUT, I'm not implying that you're OLD !!!

An elderly gentleman... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family ...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
MOSES   10/29/2007

Recently, while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long gray hair and beard, wearing a white robe and sandals, holding a staff. President Bush went up to the man and said, "Has anyone told you that you look like Moses?" The man didn't answer. He just kept staring straight ahead. The president said, "Moses!" in a loud voice. The man just ...


0 Comments, 57 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Upset Golfer   10/6/2007

A rather upset gentleman is in a competitive golf match with a friend who is ahead by a couple of strokes. "Boy! I'd give anything to sink this putt, " the golfer mumbles to himself.

Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?"

Thinking that the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer ...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Dear Abby   9/13/2007

The problems mounted so a letter had to be written………………..

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently ...


0 Comments, 74 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Dear Abby   9/13/2007

The problems mounted so a letter had to be written………………..

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
KILLER BISCUITS   9/13/2007

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who ...


0 Comments, 53 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Murphy's Law Revisited   9/6/2007

>& Law of Economics >The amount needed for the present emergency is always in direct proportion >to the amount you had saved for a vacation. > >& Law of Mechanical Repair >After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or >you'll have to pee. > >& Law of the Workshop >Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. > >& Law of Probability >The ...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
IF Their Mothers were Jewish   8/14/2007

MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER: "After all the money your father and I spent on braces, this you call a smile?"



CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you didn't call, you didn't write."



MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER: "A ceiling you paint? Not good enough for you the walls, like the other ? Do you know how hard it is to get that ...


1 Comments, 39 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
lost my wallet   8/13/2007

A guy named Moe, traveling through Mexico on vacation, lost his wallet and all identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempts to make his way home but is stopped by a U.S. Customs Agent at the border.

"May I see your identification, please?" asks the agent.

"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet, " replies Moe.

"Sure buddy. I hear that every day. No ID, no entry, " ...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
ltw222 70 M
35  Articles
The pastor and the drunkard   8/5/2007

Read this joke some time back.Took me a while to get it.



One day the town drunkard met the pastor on the street and began to harass him. This happens quite often but it was particularly bad on this day because the drunkard was very drunk. The pastor tried to leave but the drunkard refused to let him go. Finally, the pastor lost his temper and lashed out, " Young man. When you go ...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 3 Votes ,0.98 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Moaner   7/28/2007

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and the make such an obvious error, he replied,

...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
It will happen!!!   7/26/2007

>> >> YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID These people prove it is a terminal condition. As >> always, competition this year has been keen. The candidates this year >> are... >> >> >> Eighth Place In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in >> two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide >> sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. >> >> Seventh Place A 49-year-old San ...


0 Comments, 38 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Groaner   7/15/2007

A Doctor in Newfoundland wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

'George, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients'.

'Yes, sir!' answers George.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: 'So, George, how was your day?' ...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Security   7/12/2007

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine. 3. Put a few giant dishes next to the boots and magazines. 4. Leave a note on your door that reads: "Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. ...


0 Comments, 45 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
It's all in the way you look at it.....   7/10/2007

1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shouts from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note ...


1 Comments, 86 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
No one believes   7/10/2007

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.

An Elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.

The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.





Holding hands they walked back to their old school.

It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old ...


0 Comments, 27 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Second time around   7/1/2007

Jim was in his early 50s, retired from the Marine Corps, and started a second career. However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day, 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so his boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it.

Finally, one day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Jim, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you ...


0 Comments, 52 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Duties   6/28/2007

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a Woman from Iowa. He told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a Woman from Minnesota. He had given his wife ...


1 Comments, 55 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
IN CHURCH   6/13/2007

3-year-old Reese:

"Our Father, Who does art in heaven,

Harold is His name.

Amen."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was overheard praying:

"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.

I'm having a real good time like I am."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the christening of ...


0 Comments, 117 Views, 12 Votes ,4.92 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Ambushed   6/12/2007

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer; he would be put to death.

The ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Bear Challenge   6/12/2007

A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
At 85 years of age   6/11/2007

At 85 years of age, Morris married Lou Anne, a lovely 25-year-old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding, she and Morris should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected ...


0 Comments, 41 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER   6/11/2007

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

1. Sag, you're It.

2. Hide and go pee.

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:

1. You sell your ...


0 Comments, 119 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
New Survivor Show   5/31/2007

SOUTHERN SURVIVOR Because of the popularity of the Survivor shows, several southern TV stations are joining together and are planning to do their own,

entitled: "SURVIVOR-- SOUTHERN STYLE"

The contestants will start in Alabama, travel over to Georgia and on to South Carolina. >From there they will head up to North Carolina and over to Tennessee. They will then proceed ...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Time Management Problem   5/26/2007

A young farm couple, Homer and Daisy, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love. The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to ...


0 Comments, 153 Views, 17 Votes ,2.56 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Senior Prenup   5/24/2007

An elderly couple in their 70's were about to get married. She said: I want to keep my house. He said: That's fine with me.

She said: And I want to keep my Cadillac. He said: That's fine with me.

She said: And I want to have sex 6 times a week. He said: That's fine with me...Put me down for Mondays


0 Comments, 37 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Recipe   5/10/2007

A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed.

"Damn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims.

"I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it."

"What do you mean?" Jim asked.

"Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds crazy but it actually ...


0 Comments, 47 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
MLarue 77 F
5  Articles
2 Neighbors Growing a Vegtable Garden   5/9/2007

Here's one I hope all will enjoy!!

Two next door neighbors living side by side growing similar vegetable gardens; Lady neighbor one day sees that her next door neighbor has the most beautiful Red tomato's growing in his garden she ever saw. One day while her neighbor is outside watering his garden she comes out and asks him Neighbor, I noticed your Red tomato's the color is absolutely ...


0 Comments, 39 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Marketing   5/2/2007

Grocery store music -- Surround Sound >The new Supermarket near my house has an automatic water mister to keep >the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, > >you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. > >When you approach the milk cases, >you hear cows mooing > > >and witness the scent of fresh hay. > >When you approach the egg case, >you hear hens cluck and cackle > > ...


0 Comments, 29 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Special Poem   4/23/2007

LAUGH A LITTLE EVERY DAY.

SPECIAL POEM FOR US "SENIOR CITIZENS"

A row of bottles on my shelf Caused me to analyze myself. One yellow pill I have to pop Goes to my heart so it won't stop. A little white one that I take Goes to my hands so they won't shake. The blue ones that I use a lot Tell me I'm happy when I'm not. The purple pill goes to my brain And tells me that I ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Southern Comfort   4/7/2007

A very genteel Southern lady was driving across the Savannah River Bridge in Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fix'n {ready} to jump. She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father."
He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."
She said, "Well, think of your wife ...


0 Comments, 34 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
In Bed   4/7/2007

Husband and wife in bed together.
She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.
She: "Oh, that feels good."
His hand moves to her breast.
She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."
His hand moves to her leg.
She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."
But he stops.
She: "Why did you stop?"
He: "I found the remote."


0 Comments, 44 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Guy Rules   3/27/2007

The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" From the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are ...


0 Comments, 50 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Wishes   3/21/2007

Three Guys & a Genie

Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total" says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my will also farm. I want the land to be forever ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Sixties Stars revisted   3/9/2007

> It was fun being a baby boomer... until now. Some of the artists >of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging >baby boomers. They include: > > Herman's Hermits - Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker > Ringo Starr - I Get By With a Little Help From Depends > The Bee Gees - How Can You Mend a Broken Hip > Bobby Darin - Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash > Roberta ...


0 Comments, 47 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Tell me this won't happen to us   2/27/2007

LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES: >> >>An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car >>has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation
to >>the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the >>brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. >> >>The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." >> >>A few minutes later, ...


0 Comments, 77 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
My cat is better then your cat   2/26/2007

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were .
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Exercise is Important   2/26/2007

The older we get the more important it is to incorporate exercise into our daily routine. This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass.
If you're over 40, you might want to take it easy at first, then do more repetitions as you become more proficient and build stamina.
Warning: It may be too strenuous for some. Always consult your doctor before starting ...


0 Comments, 32 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Nice Pigs   2/24/2007

RAZORBACKS
Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was Carrying a baby piglet under each arm.
The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir."
The President replies "These are not pigs these Are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and I got one for ...


1 Comments, 42 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Pilot   2/21/2007

A blonde pilot
A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter.
The instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes, and he could instruct her via radio. So up the blonde went. She reached 1, 000 feet and everything was going well. She ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 1 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Two sides to every story   2/19/2007

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.
Tearfully she explained, It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone.
Immediately, the husband drove downtown toconfront the druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Now we know   2/19/2007

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a spot on their foreheads. We have always naively thought that it had something to do with their religion.
The Indian Embassy in Washington, D. C has recently revealed the true story.
When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the spot to see whether he has won a convenience ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Senior Dating   2/19/2007

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.
Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
OLD   2/15/2007

"OLD" IS WHEN ... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love, " and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!"
"OLD " IS WHEN ... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Hoffa and Kenneth   2/10/2007

Hillary Clinton was spending the morning at a primary school in Ithaca, NewYork to talk to the about her job as a US Senator. After her talk, she offered question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asked him to say his name.
"Kenneth." he replied.
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions:
First - ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
How to   2/9/2007

How to Make a Woman Happy It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Your might have grown up in ND if   2/9/2007

** You might have grown up in North Dakota if...........**
You know how to polka, but never tried it sober
You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means
You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the reception and wedding dance.
You know the difference between "Green" and "Red" farm machinery, and would fight ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
ND Winters   2/9/2007

Winter Temperatures >> >> >> 60 above zero: >>Floridians turn on the heat. >>People in North Dakota plant gardens. >> >> 50 above zero: >>Californians shiver uncontrollably. >>People in Fargo sunbathe. >> >> 40 above zero: >>Italian & English cars won't start. >>People in North Dakota drive with the windows down. >> >> 32 above zero: >>Distilled water ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Dear Husband   2/9/2007

Sunday - 4:35PM


Dear Husband,


I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.


...


0 Comments, 27 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
know nothing   2/6/2007

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: "Rome? Why ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
A Gift   2/3/2007

A Gift..... The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, he was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let him know.Growing Older, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
love and marriage   2/1/2007

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
BOB   1/30/2007

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year- old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful \bsexo?\b appeal and charm. She hangs onto Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, ...


0 Comments, 59 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
christmas2 81 F
2  Articles
Living Will   1/28/2007

Wife and husband are sitting in the living room and he says to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
She got up , unplugged the TV and then threw his beer.
She is such a _itch.
Peace and hugs Christmas2


0 Comments, 21 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
ONE MORE TIME   1/26/2007

> One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the what their fathers did > for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, > businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. > > However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the > teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic > dancer in a gay cabaret and ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
nuances   1/25/2007

Lovers of the English language will enjoy this......How do non-natives ever learn all the nuances of English???
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is "UP."
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
...


0 Comments, 50 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
one more time   1/25/2007

First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having \bsexo?\b with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."
Janet responded. "Just because I am considered ugly, doesn't mean I don't have to ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Tips for a Redneck   1/24/2007

Tips from the Redneck Book of Manners
1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 2. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church. 3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 4. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
***DINING ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Worth a read-agree or not   1/22/2007

Father- Talk > > > > > > > > A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so > > many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal > > Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth. > > > > > > > > She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, > > a feeling she openly expressed. ...


0 Comments, 27 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Ol'e   1/22/2007

A Doctor in Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he told his assistant "Ya Ole, I am going hunting tomorrow and we don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of our patients". "Yes, sir..." answers Ole
The doctor goes hunting and returns the next day and asks: "So Ole, how was your day?
Ole tells him he ...


0 Comments, 32 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Unclassified   1/21/2007

UNCLASSIFIED USMC SITE REPORT A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Faluijiah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men. The squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
A good laugh   1/20/2007

EVEN GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH... There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother. 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father's business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure ...


0 Comments, 28 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Senior Moment   1/17/2007

>> >> >> *It was entertainment night at the** **Senior* *Center** >> >> Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I >> intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." >> >> The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful >> antique pocket watch from his coat "I want you each to keep your eye >> on this antique watch. ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
TheHag 71 F
26  Articles
A Taste of ...?   1/2/2007

Years ago, my husband and I had dinner aboard a riverboat in New Orleans. For dessert, I'd ordered a fabulous chocolate-raspberry layer cake that was drizzled with raspberry sauce. We were lingering over our coffee when I absent-mindedly picked up the dessert plate and LICKED IT CLEAN!!! Ron, who dearly loved any display of abandon, watched me, grinning, but said not one word - I ...


1 Comments, 60 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Hope this clears up some things   1/2/2007

Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and the federal government.
However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of March 1948, ...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Happy New Year   1/1/2007

My Wish for You in 2007

May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy. ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
TheHag 71 F
26  Articles
The BBQ Pits   12/29/2006

True story and the worse date of my life. I was in college, studying for mid terms. As I was leaving the library, a classmate asked if I'd like to join him for a beer and a sandwich/pizza. I said, "Sure" and we drove off. He had the beer in the trunk. The weather was cool enough to keep it chilled. We drove to his 'favorite' BBQ place. He parked out front and went inside to get our food. ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Wee wee Chu   12/24/2006

~~Wee wee Chu~~


One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, lets play Wee wee chu."
"Oh no not now, lets look at the moon, " said Jung Lee.
"Oh c'mon baby lets you and I play Wee wee chu. I love you and it's ...


0 Comments, 55 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Lawyers   12/20/2006

Why does the Law society prohibit \bsexo?\b between lawyers and their ? To prevent from being billed twice for essentially the same service!

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you die !

What's the difference between a dead on the road and a dead lawyer on the road? There are skid marks in front of ...


0 Comments, 53 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
RandyTeacher 63 M
17  Articles
The Elephant   12/17/2006

Mark and his wife took their young for his first visit to the circus, and by chance, their seats were next to the elephant pen. When Mark left to buy popcorn, the boy piped up, "Mom!!! what's that long thing on the elephant?" "That's the elephant's trunk, dear, " she replied. "No, not that!!" "Oh, that's the elephant's tail." "No, Mom. Down underneath!!" His mother blushed ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Christmas Tradition   12/12/2006

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce
toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two others had ...


0 Comments, 34 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Worst First Date   12/11/2006

Worst First Date

If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!
We have all had bad dates....but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into ...


0 Comments, 65 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
RandyTeacher 63 M
17  Articles
The Race   11/28/2006

Horses Racing Today....
1. Passionate Lady 2. Bare Belly 3. Silk Panties 4. Conscience 5. Jockey Shorts 6. Clean Sheets 7. Smooth Thighs 8. Big Johnson 9. Heavy Bosom 10. Merry Cherry
Place Your Bets.
And they're off!
Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off ...


0 Comments, 34 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Packing   11/19/2006

This one is for everyone who ... a) has , b) had , c) was a , d) knows a e) is going to have
I was packing for my business trip and my three year old was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this, " and stuck out two of her fingers.
T rying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Guts or Balls   11/10/2006

We've all heard about people having guts or balls.
But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below....
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: Are you still cleaning, or are you flying ...


0 Comments, 4 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
RandyTeacher 63 M
17  Articles
Sunburned!   11/9/2006

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets horrible sunburn. He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns. He was already starting to blister and in agony. The doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, rather astounded, ...


0 Comments, 59 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
RandyTeacher 63 M
17  Articles
The big game hunter.   11/5/2006

The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills.
The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that.
But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber the bullet was that killed the animal. ...


0 Comments, 41 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
RandyTeacher 63 M
17  Articles
The old lady and the bank president.   11/5/2006

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
The president of the ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
RandyTeacher 63 M
17  Articles
The Diet   11/5/2006

An extremely obese woman shows up at her doctor's office crying and claims that she has tried every possible way to lose weight, all to no avail. She continues to sob,
"My husband won't make love to me any more. My friends make fun of me. Everywhere I go they tease me. I just can't take it any more!"
The doctor, hoping to help her, proposes a radical diet, ...


0 Comments, 39 Views, 4 Votes ,1.30 Score
RandyTeacher 63 M
17  Articles
Abbott and Costello Discover Computers   11/5/2006

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on... If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this: COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT ...


0 Comments, 32 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
What's the difference   10/30/2006

A lovely little girl is entering class for the first time when a friendly little boy approaches her.




"My name's Ted, " he says, "What's yours?"

"Happy butt”, the little girl replies.

"I'm going to tell the teacher on you for lying!, " the boy shouts.

He goes to the teacher and says ...


0 Comments, 69 Views, 1 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Be careful of what you ask for   10/25/2006

A man, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to his wife, "I feel horrible, I look fat, ugly and out of shape; Pay me a compliment."


The wife replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."


0 Comments, 35 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
It is hunting season   10/16/2006

A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison for supper. He knows his are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is - so he does not tell them.
His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for supper?"
"You'll see", says his dad.
They start eating supper and his keeps asking what they're eating.
...


1 Comments, 89 Views, 6 Votes ,0.80 Score
RandyTeacher 63 M
17  Articles
The Putt   9/30/2006

A father, and grandson go out to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reach the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approaches them. She explains that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency which called him away and asks the trio whether she can join them.
Naturally, the ...


0 Comments, 81 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
RandyTeacher 63 M
17  Articles
Dogs letters to God   9/30/2006

Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God, When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We ...


0 Comments, 2 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Where we can help   9/28/2006

Hi, > > This has been passed to me from a friend. > > Rules for the Non Military > Dear Civilians, "We know that the current state of > affairs in our great > nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to > join the military. > For those of you who can't join, you can still lend > a hand. Here are a > few of the areas where we would like your > assistance: > ...


0 Comments, 43 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
shocked, confused, bewildered   9/28/2006

I was shocked, confused, bewildered as I entered Heaven's door, Not by the beauty of it all, Nor the lights or its decor.


But it was the folks in Heaven who made me sputter and gasp-- the thieves, the liars, the sinners, the alcoholics, the trash


There stood the from seventh grade Who swiped my lunch money twice. Next to ...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Careful how your ask for something   9/25/2006

> > Two priests died at the same time and met Saint > Peter at the Pearly Gates. > St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, > but our computer is down. > You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, > but you can't go back as > priests. So what else would you like to be?" > > > > The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be > an eagle, soaring above ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
You KNOW   9/23/2006

Yes, the new one is out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're a redneck when......

1. You take your for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Grampa going on   9/23/2006

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular.
"When I was a , my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves of bread, and a magazine, some new blue jeans, all for a dollar!
Then Grandpa said sadly, "You can't do that anymore because they got those darn ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes
RandyTeacher 63 M
17  Articles
The Angry Preacher   9/21/2006

The preacher rose with a red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie! A God fearing decent Christian community cannot tolerate such slander. I am embarrassed and will not accept this. Now I want the individual who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family!' No one moved. The preacher continued, ...


0 Comments, 35 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Speedy   9/21/2006

Speedy Seniors... >Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a >State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to >himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on >his lights and pulls the driver over. > >Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in >the front seat and ...


1 Comments, 59 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Policeman's ball   9/21/2006

Policemen balls A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As a Central Otago Cop walked very close to her car window, flipping open his ticket book. She pulled out $100 bill and said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Central Otago Police Ball".



He replied, "Central Otago Police don't have balls."



...


0 Comments, 40 Views, 0 Votes
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Differences   9/21/2006

Differences Between You and Your Boss When you take a long time, you're slow. When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough. When you don't do it, you're lazy. When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy. When you make a mistake, you're an idiot. When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human. When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority. When ...


0 Comments, 32 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
RandyTeacher 63 M
17  Articles
What's in a name?   8/18/2006

A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. 'Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm'? 'Because he was conceived during a mighty storm', she said. Then he asked 'Why is my sister named Cornflower'? 'Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her', she replied. He then asked 'And why is my other sister called Moonchild'? 'We were ...


0 Comments, 79 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
RandyTeacher 63 M
17  Articles
Chinese Proverbs   8/16/2006

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who run in front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who run behind car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
...


0 Comments, 27 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
RandyTeacher 63 M
17  Articles
Women and Titties   8/16/2006

Women with big tits ...
..can get a taxi on the worst days
..have men give them the best seats on a bus.
..have a neat place to carry spare change
..have always been the center of the arts (art)
..make jogging a spectator sport
..can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub
..have more negotiating power (with men ...


0 Comments, 32 Views, 3 Votes ,0.98 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Know your spouse   8/15/2006

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"


0 Comments, 80 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Worth another read   8/7/2006

Sometimes, when I look at my , I say to myself ~~"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." -- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I ...


0 Comments, 48 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
RandyTeacher 63 M
17  Articles
Good Bars   8/4/2006

A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.
Then the Scotsman says, 'Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!' The others agree that sounds like a good ...


0 Comments, 35 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
"OLD IS WHEN"   7/30/2006

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love, " and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles ...


0 Comments, 34 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
starwomyn 65 F
6  Articles
Contrary Women and what men want???   6/2/2006

“A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.” Quotes by Pope John Paul the Thirteenth

why is it that women brag about how good they are to impress men who would prefer that they be bad, unless the men would rather talk the women into being bad.

Life on life's terms is the great mystery.


0 Comments, 127 Views, 27 Votes ,0.72 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Tell me about Florida   5/15/2006

FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.

FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.

FLORIDA: We count more than you do.

FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.

FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and we're Bushed.

FLORIDA: ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Guide to eating for bachelors   5/15/2006

This is the ultimate guide to good food eating for bachelors...

1. BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.

2. CANNED GOODS: ...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
tazmantenn 72 M
218  Articles
Never take your husband/male friend shopping   5/15/2006

Why you should never take your husband shopping with you.


Letter:


Mrs. Fenton,
Our store is considering banning your
family from ever shopping with us unless your husband
stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses
over the past few months all verified by our
surveillance cameras.

...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 6 Votes ,5.93 Score
John50 75 M
51  Articles
Lottery Win   5/14/2006

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and
ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the
top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff
or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter, " she said. "Just get the hell out."
[/COLO...


0 Comments, 41 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
John50 75 M
51  Articles
Postmans nice surprise   5/6/2006

> It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years > of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same > neighborhood. > > When he arrived at the first house on his route he was > greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and > sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. > > ...


0 Comments, 148 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
John50 75 M
51  Articles
Joke   5/5/2006

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go > > >"From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL ...


0 Comments, 42 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
John50 75 M
51  Articles
Sharing - -   5/5/2006

This is what marriage is about....
* *He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. *
*He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. *
*He took a sip ...


0 Comments, 38 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
frenchsalsa2 72 F
29  Articles
WHAT DO RETIRED PEOPLE DO ALL DAY?   2/24/2006

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. <br> Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored me and continued ...


0 Comments, 130 Views, 11 Votes ,5.97 Score
frenchsalsa2 72 F
29  Articles
A Whole New Meaning to the English Language!!   2/14/2006

Here's a list of things that give a whole new meaning to the English Language: <br> 1. ARBITRATOR: A cook who leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds. 2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do. 3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage. 4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with. 5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate. 6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen ...


0 Comments, 83 Views, 8 Votes ,5.10 Score
frenchsalsa2 72 F
29  Articles
Seniors Ads   1/26/2006

(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor? LO <br> FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus. <br> LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. ...


0 Comments, 147 Views, 7 Votes ,5.08 Score
frenchsalsa2 72 F
29  Articles
Little Old Lady   1/26/2006

I just couldn't stop laughing at this one I received today: <br> A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage >bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and >every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that ...


0 Comments, 174 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
Katie_au_lait 73 F
9  Articles
The Silver Ladle   8/26/2005

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious. <br> Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the ...


0 Comments, 127 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
Parisdreamer10 75 F
14  Articles
" God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"   8/17/2005

Man Talks to God <br> Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" <br> God says: "So you would love her." <br> "But God, " the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" <br> God says: "So she would love you."


0 Comments, 110 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
Katie_au_lait 73 F
9  Articles
Be Careful What You Wish For!   8/2/2005

Be careful what you wish for! <br> <br> A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. <br> He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. <br> He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. ...


0 Comments, 161 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
Katie_au_lait 73 F
9  Articles
Tying the Knot   8/2/2005

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all >excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to >discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests >they go in. > > Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the >owner?" > > The pharmacist answers, "Yes." > > Jacob: "We're ...


0 Comments, 145 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
drew2 71 F
5  Articles
bumper sticker wisdom   6/25/2005

• If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer. >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ • Horn Broken... Watch For Finger. >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ • The Earth Is Full - Go Home. >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ • I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha. >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <br> ...


3 Comments, 163 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
drew2 71 F
5  Articles
keeping it simple..   4/13/2005

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed. <br> 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. <br> 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using ...


1 Comments, 160 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
honeyb0404 66 F
1  Article
Aging ala Foxworthy   4/6/2005

You're not a anymore WHEN... <br> You can live without sex but not without your glasses. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You quit trying to hold in your stomach, no matter who walks into the room. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You enjoy watching the news. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The phone rings and you hope its not for you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The only reason you're still awake at 4 am is indigestion. ...


0 Comments, 153 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
drew2 71 F
5  Articles
state-of-the-art technology..   3/26/2005

An American an Japanese and an Irishman <br> <br> Three men, one American, one Japanese and an Irishman were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager, " he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a ...


3 Comments, 568 Views, 46 Votes ,4.24 Score
drew2 71 F
5  Articles
new english words   3/6/2005

some funny new made-up words sent through e-mail: <br> Dopeler effect (n): the tendence of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come very quickly. <br> Arachnoleptic fit (n): the frantic dance performed just after you've accidently walked through a spider web. <br> Karmageddon (n): it's like, when everybody is sending all of these really bad vibes, right? and ...


1 Comments, 124 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
drew2 71 F
5  Articles
masculine vs feminine   3/4/2005

this joke has been circulating through cyberspace: <br> a spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in spanish, unlike in english, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "house" for instance, is feminine: "la case". "Pencil", however, is masculine: "el lapiz". A student asked, "what gender is "computer"? instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the ...


1 Comments, 203 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
frenchsalsa2 72 F
29  Articles
First Date   12/1/2004

First date <br> We have all had bad dates...but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. <br> This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her ...


0 Comments, 33 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
Kassr
12  Articles
Women don't give Mixed Signals!   11/26/2004

Since the subject of “mixed signals” was brought up by the ladies, some of whom admitting that ladies do this while a few seem to be in a fog and deny it, I assume the topic is fair game. I have been waiting for this topic like a hungry wolf! <br> To say that ladies give “mixed signals” is an understatement! And any woman that denies that this is the one ...


0 Comments, 44 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
frenchsalsa2 72 F
29  Articles
Signs that you've grown up!   11/20/2004

SIGNS THAT YOU'VE GROWN UP: <br> 1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead ...


0 Comments, 43 Views, 40 Votes ,6.67 Score
frenchsalsa2 72 F
29  Articles
Call the Shots!   11/20/2004

A new nurse listened while Dr. Blake was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?" The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here."


0 Comments, 27 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
frenchsalsa2 72 F
29  Articles
Tollbooth Humor!   11/20/2004

When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty toll booth and smashed it to bits. <br> Unhurt, he climbed down from the cab and looked around. In minutes, a repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. <br> The men from the crew each picked up a broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 9 Votes ,1.72 Score
frenchsalsa2 72 F
29  Articles
Recent study   11/1/2004

WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY <br> There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their ass! I thought the results were pretty interesting: <br> 85% of women think their ass is too big... 10% of women think their ass is too little... The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.


0 Comments, 33 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
frenchsalsa2 72 F
29  Articles
GOTCHA!   11/1/2004

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 12 Votes ,6.33 Score
frenchsalsa2 72 F
29  Articles
The Gentleman   11/1/2004

A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
frenchsalsa2 72 F
29  Articles
Perception?   11/1/2004

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' " The doctor said, "I didn't say that. ...


0 Comments, 50 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
Cleodog101 104 M
8  Articles
It All Adds Up...   12/5/2003

On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other ...


0 Comments, 2072 Views, 752 Votes ,7.53 Score
Cleodog101 104 M
8  Articles
Chivalry Never Dies...   12/5/2003

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. "You use to hold my hand when we were courting, " said the wife. Wearily, the husband reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said "Then you used ...


2 Comments, 2777 Views, 525 Votes ,6.61 Score