For the first time...I wanted to stay longer! Wow, talk about a turnaround! It actually worked--the REINVENTING of my hometown in my mind...and in actuality!
Hey AFFers, it's been a while... I was away, visiting my hometown for nearly a month, not able to access AFF outside my NYC apartment. I've missed you fellow bloggers! Thought I'd share my homecoming experience with you, as I'm sure everyone can relate to the anxiety that the holidays can create in each of us--either mild, or severe in cases like mine. I'm here to tell you that there's hope in recreating those anxiety-prompting moments--instead, turning family visits into something more positive...a.k.a. more palatable, for those relating to severe "family-induced" anxiety LOL!
I'm from the Mississippi Gulf Coast. The place really is lovely! I saw it through different eyes this time. I got smart, and instead of staying with family, I put us up in a hotel! One facing the beach no less! I woke to sunrises and enjoyed amazing sunsets! I loved acting like tourist in this beautiful resort town! Had a blast--even without going to any of the new casinos! Loved being able to swim in the Gulf the last few days, when the plummeting temps rose back to normal (grew up with temps sometimes in the 70's on Christmas).
This time, by hanging out with the young adults in my huge family, the usual anxiety-ridden visit home was turned into, "partying with the young parents", and group events instead. A miracle of sorts took place this trip... more of a "converging" of the family groups, through fun activities! I turned myself into a party-planner while there, and it actually worked!
As I said, we are talking a huge family here! I mean--when my mother remarried, after my father's death, the joining of seven siblings, both step and real, at a young age--contributed to a lasting family bond, from which 40+ people were added to this planet (a seemingly ever-increasing number, which does not even include the spouses)! It's not unusual for a group that size to lose touch, no matter the bond. Like so many in this large, "connected mass of immediate relatives", I did not have all the other's phone numbers. Sadly, I've nieces/nephews I'd never met in the five years since returning home last.
Happily, I spent a lot of time with my, newly acquainted, four-year-old nephew, who made me a "great aunt" for the first time (been made one again since many times over already!). This little dude is just what this gigantic dysfunctional family needs! He's going on his 4th surgery for pronounced cleft palate and talk about an uplifting trouper! He was the star rapper on New Year's Eve!
He warmed my soul when he attached himself to me. In hindsight, it's made me realize how blessed I am to feel similar attachment from the many young members of my family who I've had the pleasure to get to know...most of them parents themselves now! Over the years, guess I earned the honorary title of, "fun aunt", LOL! Boy, there truly was fun had this time around too! We even had a "Family KARAOKE New Year's Pary", with over 50 invited!
I've made a vow to my family that my son and I will make, "coming home for Christmas", an annual thing here forward. If possible, I'll repeat the extended stay idea, of nearly a month, instead of the week (which was almost too long a stay in the past, given the usual haunting anxiety from childhood traumas). I want more time to get more familiar with my huge family, especially now that I'm in a better head for it--creating space for it by letting go of past, to allow room for future joy.
Thanks to my friend Tom, who I met here in blog land, I faced my fears, and went into this homecoming with a changed attitude. By changing my thinking and surrounding myself with positive (actually excusing myself to flee from negative conversations), I was able to stay in the moment--enjoying the journey, instead of harping on the past.
It actually fucking worked! That, and deep breathing exercises throughout, whenever needed, to ward off triggered negative thoughts of those long since passed on. Hallelujah!!... now that's saying something...coming from the "Bible-Belt" that is LOL!
So, this homecoming--which started with trepidation, as it was prompted by a funeral, and could have possibly harbored its usual psychosomatic pain-inducing memories--actually turned into a joy-filled, healing/bonding visit for me. I think it was for my whole family, to some degree I believe. And now, by having created an "evite" for that "family karaoke party", I was able to compile numbers--giving this huge family means to move forward, reconnect and build stronger relationships.
I will visit more than just for weddings and funerals now. I'm thrilled to be joining the step side of my family for a wedding in Hawaii in March! I'm looking forward to knowing them better!
Turns out, I like all these people a lot...both my real siblings, and my step siblings...and the hordes of offspring we've created! Both sides of my family--no matter what shit we've put each other through and have survived together--are all good folks!
I've missed you good AFF folks a lot while unable to access the site while away! I'm back in NYC and slowly acclimating. Man, can you imagine how different from the south this city is, right!
I'm busy with life's logistics again, but I vow to finish that damn story I've been teasing you all about for months. It's the one where a "coffee date", with a man half my age, turned into a "lost weekend" of sexual bliss! It's coming soon, I promise LOL!
Happy New Year everyone!
P.S. I'm also vowing to break this damn celibacy soon! Got to go out partying after hours with a band while on my trip...thought it was going to happen with the flirting guitarist, but alas, it wasn't right in the end...so still searching LOL!
16 comments
First of all I'm glad you enjoyed family and in that area I did tons of work over years,also your back here telling all of us your stories so kisses from me and Happy New Year
Hi Rob, Happy New Year to you too! What type of work did you do on the Mississippi Gulf Coast? Thanks for following my blog!
@sweetmamm I was doing construction back in the day building gas stations which I still am but I'm more into the supervisor Position now, The industry is hard on marriages that's why I'm single and on this website looking for some nectar
@race4fuel
Sorry about your marriage! Best wishes in your search!
I'm delighted that it went so well for you. What a happy surprise! And now you have future reunions to look forward to.
I'm also delighted to see you back in the blogs. I've missed that pretty face.
Oh, thanks so much! It's great to be back writing again, and kind comments like yours are so heartening! 😘
Pleased to hear of all your positive events happening for you. Face the future with open eyes, may be surprised of the greatness that will result. Happy New Year.
Love that advise! I agree! Thanks!
Hi Mary,
I'm so glad things went well and the family is coming together, as it should. Sounds really like you had an enjoyable time.
Big, big hugs.
It was a good time Tom, despite the reason for the trip. Can't wait to catch up with you soon!
@sweetmamm
Looking forward to it.
Big, big hugs.
Congrats on the Holiday. Sounds like "through different eyes" worked for you. I haven't seen the town I grew up in at least 15 years.
As an Army Vet, I really want to get to the court house square to visit the Memorial there to renew my prayers to HS Pals that gave all.
But on a better note. You sound rejuvenated. Good for you. Thumbs up and cheers
Thanks for sharing! That hometown visit idea sounds admirable...hope it happens for you, as it sounds it will be cathartic for you too! Be well & Happy New Year!