so almost ten years of "knowing some one "and here i had been guilting over crossdressing ,and even made to feel like im less of a man or even person ,because i enjoy ,woman lingerie ,wearing and seen it being worn .....10 years ive know this person ,10 months dating ,maybe 4 years ,like a marriage ,from my view and what was being told to me ,,,,all the things i was assured of werent happening ,are the exact things that have been happening ,benefit of the doubt ,always one more time ,turns into 15 more times ,so for the last 2 plus years,ive seperated myself from living with this person ,to have my mail split ,or anything with "our name "split ...and 10 weeks ago ,,,,i finally had the balls to end it ...
and i simply said .one last try ...if this don't work out or even show improvement ....thats it ,,i have no trust in this person ,i don't believe or trust anything that comes out her mouth ,,,,(and apparently that could be any dude )
the most insulting part ,is thinking back when i didnt have this mindset ,that im strickly being used ,meaning anything good gpot diverted ,and benefitted not only ppl i don't know ,but specifacally ppl i don't even like or trust....
and just today ,they had the nerve to shove a letter under my door ,which i just took and tape over her peep hole ,with big black letters (big black)(like that one ??)i did .i got a lil haha.out of it....
so ,because ,i don't ever want to go back to a complete lie ...i put myself in a situation ,that if ever go back to the ex ,,,then it will be cheating ,,,,,but ,we were finished ,,,,so much so ,she sold my sim ,and keep my phone ....leaving ,me with nothing ,because in an argument ,and raised voices ,last thing i need ,is to be charged with some domestic assualt ,i havent done ,,but ,all it takes now a days ,is for a woman to say ,i was violent ,weither i was or not ,,it still potentailly can be a road to my abrupt demise .... for two years ,ive trained myself ,to reqognise,the cycle .and any friction ,im out ...seperated for two years ,sure i was suckered in at least a dozen times,it got so bad ,that not even an hour went by ,before ,
sure enough .a fight ,a blatant ,out right picked fight...
but here the topper on it all ......
profiles ,and pics ,are coming out in spades now .times lines ,things i didnt give much thought to in the past ...
and literally ,we are living the exact life ,i didnt ever want to return to ,,,,,last time for me ,i ended up with a nasty crack habit ...in late 90's,then had a brief ,relapse ,in 2007,and ended up doing a nickel....for various ,crimes .....but wait ...
i did everything right ,got my highschool ,do a accredited ,couse for a career,got a psychologist for three years ,worked thru ,some adoption trauma ....
as look back now ,it just so happened ,that ,my "birth mom "just happens to pop into my life ,,and get this my apparent first cousin just so happened to be in prison to ,,,and the even more retarded part is that she spe nt christmas with my son ,her ,grandson .a year before we met ....
more and more i look at this ,the more an d more ,im realising ,ive been conned ,p;retty fucking bad ,been seperated an isolated from my family ,and friends .like cut off ,not one will talk to me ,and twice before i came back out here ,because my wife ditched me in my home town ,and left a friend of hers tell me she left back to here ,,,no family no friends ,and she left like she had no choice ...and i married this woman ,,,,
i can't afford a lawyer ,,but i think ive been royally fucked over here...
sure could use a kind fellow of a lawyer ,or private investigator ,,,,offer some free help ,advise ,maybe pro-bono,im highly skilled ,i build ,landscape ,automotive repair ,id glady work some type of exchange for services ...kinda deal ,and no ,not like that .legitimate ,,,
build your dream deck ,for ...lets say the price of a divorce ,,,doesnt have to be just that either ,,get you a great rate on shingles ,or tin ,,,,,do all the labour ,two fairly major jobs ,for the price of a alberta divorce ....even a real lazy private eye ,could see what the heck has been going on here ,in no time flat ,,,we got no proberty ,no assets ,nothing to split ,no kids ,ill do what i have to ,if i gotta move to a differant city ,and be homeless again ,just to work out a deal ,for services traded ...how ever long it well take ,,,because the more and more i see it .......
its looking ,pretty shady ..
let nme explain ,,its like a prostitution ring ,,
except the find marks "ieudes fresh out of prison ,befriend him ,then all of sudden you met this chick this to good to be true woman ,after two failed relationships ,thT ENDED ,THE SAME ....all there ,same theme ,same bullshit identity theifts ....
im more convinced im correct then not ..the get dudes so messed up ,that they either kill themselves ,and if that doest work ,then they getb you pillow talk secrets,,,and use them agaisnt you in a effort to extort for insurance ,propety ,inheritences ...and take anything good from the men ,and they destroy evey aspect of dudes lives ...,extort family ,accidents happen ,,,,you may think im crazy ,and i won't deny it ,,,,,but ,this is the new trend ,,,,,...
how long to completely ruin a dude ,marrying a guy ,getting him all comfotable ....
why not ,my son recieved a death theat agaisnt his mother and him ...and it was said that the dude who would hurt her ,was already living with her ,,,,
anyone have some advise or insight ,,,i would really be grateful ....im kinda stumped ......i may be wrong with details ,but im fairly certain im correct on the whole of this .....
(i meant to say ,after our last "try " i went an got onto ,of someone ,and underneath them ....)
i even kinda dig this woman .
anyway ,that got ruined aswell ,by what ???lies .......again .......surprise surprise...
but then again ,at 47 years old ,ive been a terrible judge of ppl ....if you havent fucked me over in some form or way yet ...no worries ,it will come ,,it always seems to these days ...
the worst part is ,myself or my parents are not rich ,,,,you see sat there ,ate there food ,excepted there hospitaitly ,drank the alcohol,slept in there house ,drove there vehicles ,
and then tells them lies about there son ,just to cause enough a rift ,,,so in had n o support ,from after she overdosed ,i just wanted to go home ,she refused....then arrages a trip back home,just to embarrass me in front of my friends family only to ditch me without a word ...
and six weeks lATER I GET COVID CASH ..
whos on the phone crying to me ,,plane ticket ,600$ dollar ring 250 $ phone ,and when i get back one of the first things she says ,oh .i some crack now ,,,on top ,of a speed habit already ,
and before we were married ,i had said ,if you ever start crack thats deal breaker ....and what did i do ???let slip ...slip ...
and now i get neither respect ,love ,consideration ,and every email that i get 9 times day,and no doubt she out in some back yard ,or in a big ol r.v ,or out on a boat ,telling me shes canning ,16 ,18 hours a day ,in a neighbor hood ,that i had been in all day ,and not even a sign of her ,then some meat head i met once ,and was my exwife "best friend",i hear one day screaming about this chick ,not at ,but about .....and to my f------- surprise ,sure enough ,he was talking or screaming about my wife talking like shes his property ,,,,,,,which for about a millisecond ,had me ,really jarred ,as tho ,it was a dream ..like ,im waking up any second .......then it sunk in this shit ,is really fucking happening (im never agreed ,nor was there ever discusion of a open marrige ,otherwise ,i wouldnt be complaining and whining ,and be fucking ,and pleasuring ,(which i do pretty fucking good .if i say so my self ....)unfortunitly ,that not how the cosmos are arranged for me .....in my forties ,an d just starting to get shit ,my role ,whats expected ....
im really no complaining more then stating facts ,of this season im clearly tangled in ,
hey ,im really lucky at 47 ,if warmed up ,if even for ten minutes .....i can still leap 6 - 7 fence ,,like stepping over a cigeratte butt,and im at the cusp ,where ,im starting to see the old man bod .....lol.that it time ,just bare down ,hit the gym ,cardio ,resistance,and incorperate something else ,that ,fairly extreme ,not just a walk ,but a two day hike type deal,,,(i aint going to lie abouts bears tho ,but you would never have to worry about one ,cause id fight it for anyone ,it tryed to hurt )(not a grizzely ,,or even a brown bear ,not even a black bear either ..........................a care bear tho ...ohhh im all over that guy ,spider monkey styles ,mixed with ,drunken (scottish /(soto /ojibaway/french),)monkey (aka,north-end terrorist......bin
been -drinken alotta.........that care bear be FU@#$%,!!!!)
AS FOR THOSE OTHER BEARS ???
depends if you run faster scared then i can.......
remember,i can still jump 6_7 foot ,fences ,wood ,metal ,chain link ,you name it ...
anyway ,if anyone ever has issues with care bears ,,,,,just email me .....im your man !!!i mean even when i put lingerie on ,im still a dude ,maybe strange ,,,,,maybe not ...its only cloths ,i don't hurt anyone ,in fact ,im a sense of humour to some ,always see folks laughing ,i get tho....its tough being so narrow of mind ,and pre,program\ed .......i aint hurting anyone ..if anyone myself ,and im fine with it ,one day ,it won't be as good looking as it was ,,,but its sure going to be alot smarter then ,anything ive done before ,but still,aside from making room ,for real encouragement ............i am grateful for another day to vent ,i kno why ,and for what ,just not fuc# up an harming any goodthings .....im grateful ,for being here ,if you feel pain ,that means some part of you is aware
i digress tho...
good day ,
dodger-rabbit