Good advice, but a tad late
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Posted:Dec 31, 2005 6:17 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:29 pm 1085 Views
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> "In the end all of us know what Christmas is really
> about; a pinch of joy, a pound of pain, a scoop of
> hatred and a dollop of rage, OK? Throw in a little
> booze and some relatives you can't stand, but you have
> to invite over anyways, and you've got yourself a
> holiday recipe for disaster. And don't forget to take
> pictures. You're gonna need 'em for the court case."
happy new year to all
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New Year Gifts
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Posted:Dec 30, 2005 6:52 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:29 pm 1147 Views
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These are some popular gifts for giving to the poor, less fortunate then ourselves around the world, I never thought of it in this way, its time we all should thats why I am sharing
Most Popular Gifts
Goats: $75 each
Help for US and Families: $25
A Year of School: $75
Clean Water: $50
Help for Rescued Girls: $35
Lifesaving Immunizations: $25
Hope Bracelet: $35
Camels: $520 each
A Brood of Chickens: $125
with Disabilities
Orphans and Widows Affected by HIV/AIDS
Care for Infants and
Nourishing Food
Special Gifts
Caring for Our Environment
We are so blessed not to have received any of these gifts ourselves....
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2006
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Posted:Dec 30, 2005 6:33 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:29 pm 1129 Views
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A young man at a New Year’s party turns to his
friend and asks for a cigarette.
'I thought you made a New Year’s resolution to quit
smoking,' his friend says.
'I'm in the process of quitting,' the man says.
'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'
'What's phase one?'
'I've quit buying.'
Bumper Stickers to start the new year:
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
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Hush-Hush subject
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Posted:Dec 30, 2005 6:15 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:29 pm 1202 Views
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Some friends of mine were discussing this procedure, I was curious as to how many others our age group find this appauling
Referring to the horror of female genital mutilation (FGM) which is the removal of part, or all, of the clitoris. It is outlawed here but it remains a social custom in parts of Africa, the Middle East and the Far East. The practice is supposed to insure a girls virginity so she can eventually get married. The World Health Organization is trying to end FGM but old customs die hard.
The most severe form of FGM leads to all kinds of health problems as well as preventing feelings of sexual pleasure. Infibulation consists of a clitoridectomy where all, or part of, the clitoris is removed. The removal of all, or part of the inner labia and cutting of the outer labia to create a raw surface that is stitched or held together to form a cover over the vagina when healed. A small hole is left to allow urine and menstrual blood to escape. Google female genital mutilation to find out more.
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Smart 'ol Man
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Posted:Dec 29, 2005 1:38 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:29 pm 1112 Views
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Here is your morning laugh!!
an old man was sitting on his porch when a boy came down the street with some chicken wire he hollers hey boy where you going? the boy replys to catch some chickens. the man says well that wont work. the boy says o.k. later the boy comes back with 10 chickens rolled up in the wire . the old man just shook his head. the next day the boy goes by with some duct tape the old man just watches. later the boy returns with ducks wrapped in the tape. the old man thinks this is crazy what will happen tommorrow? well the next day the boy appears carying a bundle of pus*y willows. the old man hollers hold up boy im going with you!
Smart 'ol man,huh!
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Opposites do attract
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Posted:Dec 29, 2005 10:41 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:29 pm 1082 Views
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Isnt love grand!
Kenya's Hippo, Tortoise Mark Year Together
A baby hippo named Owen walks along with its 'mother', a giant male Aldabran tortoise at the Mombasa Haller Park, Wednesday, Dec. By RODRIQUE NGOWI (Associated Press Writer)
From Associated Press
December 28, 2005 10:38 PM EST
NAIROBI, Kenya - The unlikely couple of a baby hippo and a 130-year-old tortoise were still together, a year after the hippo was separated from its family by the Indian Ocean tsunami.
The relationship between Owen, the two-year-old hippopotamus, and Mzee, the giant tortoise, surprised conservation workers and made international headlines.
Owen was living with his family on the Sabaki River when massive waves from the Indian Ocean tsunami reached the East African coast. He was washed into the ocean and stranded on a reef.
Residents of Malindi, a small coastal town, used fishing nets to catch him. He was then taken to the Haller Park sanctuary, where he met Mzee and adopted him as a surrogate parent. Owen may have been attracted by Mzee's round shape and gray color that are somewhat similar to that of an adult hippopotamus.
The tortoise at first resisted. But the persistent Owen kept following him around the park, into the pool and trying to sleep next to him.
Mzee relented after several days. As the bond grew, the tortoise even returned signs of affection. They are now inseparable.
Conservation workers plan to introduce Owen to a 13-year-old female hippo named Cleo early next year, hoping to see the two develop a strong relationship. The female hippo has lived without companionship from her species for more than a decade.
The delicate process will begin with getting the two animals to meet and get used to each other's smell before they moving them into a larger enclosure together with the tortoise.
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a good laugh
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Posted:Dec 29, 2005 1:19 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:29 pm 1124 Views
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If the other one did not make you laugh, maybe this one will
An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish
New York City Office Building.
A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like
expensive perfume turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly,
"Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination
and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks
both beautiful women in the eye, she bends over, and farts.......
"Broccoli - 49 cents a pound!"
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Somethings wrong
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Posted:Dec 28, 2005 10:56 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:29 pm 1194 Views
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None of todays blogs are appearing--all over a day old.
I posted around midnight last night and its not up yet, so I will go ahead and post another one.
pick on you blonde ladies enough so here a blonde male joke.
A Blonde Male
Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!
The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17000 on a new car", he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"
The third, a blond male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.
However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "I have to laugh when I think about it", he chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece. I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at least five boxes of condoms with her. She doesn't even have a penis!"
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"Hello Can you hear me now?? UPDATE!!!!!!!
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Posted:Dec 26, 2005 9:28 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:29 pm 1104 Views
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Posted on 12/23/2005 that this girl had swallowed a cellphone----WELL its different now!
Swallowing Cell Phone May Not Be Voluntary
From Associated Press
December 26, 2005 3:08 PM EST
BLUE SPRINGS, Mo. - A woman who police thought deliberately tried to swallow her cell phone during an argument with her boyfriend was apparently the victim of an assault instead, authorities said.
Police have a suspect in the bizarre incident that sent the 24-year-old woman to the hospital last week, Sgt. Allen Kintz said. Police would not say whether the boyfriend was the suspect and would not explain exactly what they believe happened.
"It appears she didn't voluntarily swallow this phone," Kintz said. "It's not quite the way it was first portrayed."
Early Friday, police responded to a call from a Blue Springs man who said his girlfriend was having trouble breathing. Police arrived to find a woman with a cell phone lodged in her throat.
Police were initially told the boyfriend wanted the phone and the woman tried to swallow it so that he could not get it.
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'Willy' the 1eyed worm/w a turtle neck sweater
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Posted:Dec 25, 2005 11:18 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:29 pm 1291 Views
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I am sure every has been married female knows everyone of these by heart..lol
Penis Statistics....
Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200
Average number of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000
Actual amount of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons
Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons
Average amount of water it takes to fill a bathtub: 35 gallons
Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour
Average speed of a city bus: 25 miles per hour
Average # of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7
Average # of calories in a can of Dr. Pepper: 150
Average length of penis when not erect: 3.5 inches
Average length when erect: 5.1 inches
Smallest natural penis recorded: 5/8 of an inch
Largest natural penis recorded: 11 inches
Largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet
Height from court floor to the rim of a basketball hoop:10 feet
Most arousing time of day/season! for a man: early morning/fall
Best ways to improve sexual function: quit smoking, start exercising, lose weight.
Foods that improve sex life: oysters, lean meat, seafood, whole grains, wheat germ, chicken fingers from Erie dining hall
Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60%
Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%
Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41%
Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from 2 min to 2 weeks
Average # of erections per day for a man: 11
Average # of erections during the night: 9
Distance sperm travels to fertilize an egg: 3-4 inches
The human equivalent: 26 miles (a marathon distance)
Time it takes the sperm: 2.5 seconds (WHO TIMES THIS & HOW?)
Time it takes an average person to complete a marathon: 4 hours
Sperm life: 2 1/2 months (from development to ejaculation) (Most born only to die miserable deaths afterwards in open air! ).
Shelf life of a hostess twinkie: 7 years
Cost of a year's supply of condoms: $100
Thickness of the average condom: .07 mm
Thickness of super-thin condoms: .05 mm
Thickness of plastic wrap: .0127 mm
# of times condoms are thicker that plastic wrap: almost 6
In general, the taste of a man's semen varies with his diet. Some say that the:
alkaline-based foods (fish and some meats) produce a buttery or fishy taste.
Dairy products can create a foul taste; the taste of semen
after eating asparagus is said to be the foulest.
ACIDIC FRUITS AND ALCOHOL (EXCEPT PROCESSED LIQUORS) GIVE IT A PLEASANT AND SUGARY TASTE.
Examples: oranges, mangos, kiwi, lemons, grapefruit, limes, Labatt Blue, Honey Brown, etc. (Drinking a Corona with lime is double the fun)
Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: lavender, licorice, chocolate, dou! ghnuts, pumpkin pie (happy thanksgiving!)
Yes, the penis does shrink in the shower (yep, noticed that!)
It is common for men to wake up with 'morning wood', a name for an A.M. erection
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