message for men only !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
Posted:Aug 13, 2006 10:20 am
Last Updated:Jun 20, 2007 10:18 am 2704 Views
|
Men ,
For all those men who say, " Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free " ? Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of all women are against marriage. WHY? Because women realize it's just not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like....
1. Men are like …..Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like...... Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ......Weather …… Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like .......Blenders …… You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like .... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like … Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like .....Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .....Mascara ….. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like ….Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like ….Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ......Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like …..Parking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
linguistic stuff
|
Posted:Aug 9, 2006 4:02 am
Last Updated:Aug 10, 2006 10:51 am 1989 Views
|
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
GEORGE BUSH: when you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
EVANGELIST: When you rearrange the letters: EVIL'S AGENT
PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S
A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE
And for the grand finale: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA: When you rearrange the letters (With no letters left over and using each letter only once!): TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
and now... something completely different.....
|
Posted:Aug 6, 2006 10:46 am
Last Updated:Aug 7, 2006 9:03 am 1832 Views
|
Widdle Wabbits (A Thory To Warm Your Heart)
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"
She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit."
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
Statistics are necessary
|
Posted:Aug 3, 2006 2:09 pm
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2006 4:24 am 1708 Views
|
Statistics
JUST FOR A GOOD LAUGH~~~
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more
like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps blood out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I definitely want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (And I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity . )
Butterflies taste with their feet. ( Okay....)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (This is as it should be---sort of.)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left- handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
( OK, that would be a thankful thing for the rest of us...)
A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
( Says who? What about that pig? 30 minutes?!?!)
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Blogland needs tips for FITNESS !!!!!!!!
|
Posted:Jul 30, 2006 8:49 pm
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2014 5:12 pm 1668 Views
|
EXERCISE FOR SENIORS!
Here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles.
Three days a week works well.
Begin by standing outside behind the house, and with a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand ... extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.
After a few weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks and then 50-lb.. potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a 100 lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
Next... start putting a few potatoes in the sacks, but be careful not to overdo it.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
.... about cars and puters.....
|
Posted:Jul 24, 2006 8:42 pm
Last Updated:Jul 27, 2006 8:19 pm 1516 Views
|
If the car industry developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it and reopen the windows before you could continue and for some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a reliable car that was powered by the sun and was five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but it would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Z IP IT - ZIP IT GOOD !!
|
Posted:Jul 23, 2006 11:15 am
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2012 7:50 pm 1589 Views
|
In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus.
Dressed up for work, she was wearing a very tight mini skirt.
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus' first step.
So slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this
would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still could not make the step.
So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more.
And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her disgust she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to
make the step.
About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him ''How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!! ''
At this the Texan drawled, ''Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.''
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
The Ten Commandments in Cajun
|
Posted:Jul 20, 2006 12:47 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2012 7:51 pm 1560 Views
|
Some might know that I like to compare and/or learn about all sorts of English slangs... Here is one nice example:
The Ten Commandments in Cajun... (Keeps it REALLY Simple)
1. God is number one... and das' All.
2. Don't pray to nuttin' or nobody... jus' God.
3. Don't cuss nobody... 'specially da Good Lord.
4. When it be Sunday... pass yo'self by God's House.Or make GOD's House where you are.
5. Yo mama an' yo daddy dun did it all... lissen to dem.
6. Killin' duck an' fish, das' OK... people - No!
7. God done give you a wife... sleep wit' jus' her.
8. Don't take nobody's boat... or nuttin' else.
9. Don't go wantin' somebody's stuff.
10. Stop lyin'... yo tongue gonna fall out yo mouf!
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Beware! Very important !!!!!!
|
Posted:Jul 18, 2006 9:27 am
Last Updated:Oct 9, 2018 6:37 pm 1985 Views
|
Scam!
I hate people who forward too many warnings as much as anyone, but this one is really important. Please do read it. Better yet, send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list!
If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take off your clothes and dance around, DO NOT DO IT! This is a SCAM! They only want to see you naked.
I wish I had gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now...
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
first blog (correction by public demand... other blogs might follow)
|
Posted:Jul 10, 2006 9:55 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2012 7:54 pm 2162 Views
|
Well...here goes:
Chatrooms should be an enrichment for everybody (fun, sometimes even knowledge, comfort, a shoulder to cry on) NOT an annoyment. Life is way TOO short to waste it with scuffles and fights that lead to nowhere. Like in "real life" we meet good-hearted people in here and not-so-nice ones. The percentage of the latter seems to be pretty high - reason might be because the "good ones" tend to leave chatroom and the nerds take over. In my long experience with chatrooms I can only PLEAD: do NOT encourage and even "please" the nerds by arguing with them (- neither in Blogland nor in chatrooms).
I-g-n-o-r-i-n-g is the worst punishment for troublemakers. If you get badmouthed - just let it be; your true friends DO know your values and won't give a ****(censored word) about gossip. On the other hand I don't give a **** either about what my non-friends think or gossip about me  .
Enjoy scincillating conversations ! Contribute to them yourself and welcome newbies ! Ignore the troublemakers !
Last not least: Bring your hot tubs (maybe fill them with cool water during summer) and let's have FUN FUN FUN!!!!!
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
