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WHAT MOTTO DO YOU LIVE BY? An online defintion for motto: " a short sentence or phrase chosen as encapsulating the beliefs or ideals guiding an individual, family, or institution". If you had to pick just one motto for yourself, what would it be and why? Mine would be "live and let live". I firmly believe that anyone should be free to do as they wish as long as nobody gets hurt. I don't know if I should mention this or not but I belong to a virtual world and met this woman. We talked and it turned out her had been in a terrible car accident. They won a lawsuit so money wasn't an issue. However, it led to the breakup of her marriage. This woman had to watch the at all times to ensure he didn't have any reaction to pills he took. However, she still had sexual desires. She would go on the site with him in the same room, have virtual sex and touch herself. She knew it aroused her . He is 18 years old. She thought it was fine. She also bathed him as did other females in the family. Again, there is enough money for them to have others do it but she said her prefers when she does it. I said that we can't be friends. She thought I was being judgmental. I said I believe in "live and let live" as long as nobody got hurt. Based on my experience with talking to male . I am not convinced it hasn't hurt her and his relationship with other women. For that reason, my motto didn't apply. Was I wrong? She still writes me to say hello at times and it is always polite. I just don't wish to be her friend.     Elaine Shuel |
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3/13/2016 8:48 pm |
The cyber world certainly updates the details of an Oedipus complex. Sexuality aside mom needs to help her son her son develop a lifestyle that can accommodate his disability, which is the most important issue. As for your feelings, they are valid and appropriate. One of the first thing we teach children about sexuality is to avoid situations that make them uncomfortable. This does not mean you are judging. You are just taking good care of yourself. Spiritwoman ^i^
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No problem, ET. If it fair if the one I used is yours as well. Thanks for your comment.  Elaine Shuel
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Thanks Pat. It was an unusual situation for me. I just felt uncomfortable about what she is doing to her son. As far as a motto, let us know when you decide on one and if you don't, that is fine too. Thanks for responding to my post. Elaine Shuel
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The cyber world certainly updates the details of an Oedipus complex. Sexuality aside mom needs to help her son her son develop a lifestyle that can accommodate his disability, which is the most important issue. As for your feelings, they are valid and appropriate. One of the first thing we teach children about sexuality is to avoid situations that make them uncomfortable. This does not mean you are judging. You are just taking good care of yourself. I feel she is playing with fire.Elaine Shuel
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Thanks for your motto, JustAFewAgn. The second version made me laugh.  I value your opinion and those I have heard and will hear, regarding the mother situation. Thank you. Elaine Shuel
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Liszt, a virtual world is where avatars represent us. We choose how we look and we interact with others as our avatar. That said, it doesn't have to involve sex. I have met people from all over the world. Some of my best friends there are from the USA, Sweden and Holland. We talk and get to know each other. It's been wonderful on the whole. I am prepared to give others the license to live as they please, as long as they really aren't hurting anyone. Thanks for your comment. Elaine Shuel
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I totally agree with yourthoughts here I had to do what I felt is right, even though she felt I was being judgmental.Elaine Shuel
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Thanks prisci. Elaine Shuel
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Sadly what happened to you doesn't surprise me. Many married people do pretend to be single. I am glad you found out before you met him, Lulu. That said, it isn't limited to the internet. That has been known to happen from people meeting in person and then pursuing a relationship. In the case of the woman, I felt bad because she asked for my friendship but once we talked and I heard about what she does regarding her son, I couldn't go through with being her friend. Thanks for your comment. Elaine Shuel
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There are actually two. The first one is to be quick to forgive. I've worked hard on this later in life and came to realize that being in a position to forgive is an opportunity not a cost. It makes me feel good to lift the burden from someone who may have wronged me in some way. The second motto is that I use the phrase 'It is what it is' as a relief value. Whenever something unexpected happens, or some kind of setback or even realized fear materializes, I say that out loud and it immediately isolates the emotions of it. It quickly gets me to a place where I can then face the problem in responsible ways and accept whatever the medicine turns out to be. Instead of fretting, worrying etc., the process of dealing with a situation turns into an accomplishment...resolution or relief. This too came later in life, but boy has it led to huge improvements in how I feel generally.  I too say "it is what it is" often. Quick to forgive is great. I would think that it would be difficult in cases of major betrayals. Thanks for your comment. Elaine Shuel
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Thanks Roxy. Good motto. Elaine Shuel
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I think you were perfectly within your rights to end your friendship with that lady. I know I would not feel comfortable chatting with her either. Live and let live is a pretty good motto.
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Trust in people.....As you trust in yourself. We forget that here.....It's says a lot about trust and distrust. It says a lot about who we are and who we think we are.
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Live and Let Live?????? judgments of others leads to the inability to "live and let live". Not that we can't judge others, but the rightness of the judgment is arbitrary, when it doesn't invade our life , but the life of other. you speak for her son, not yourself, Yet you're using him to speak for yourself. and this you call " live and let live" I don't think so. I can agree with your judgment and your assessment of the situation, and I do. But I don't have the audacity to say it's "live and let live" when it's only okay if it's by my rules.
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you're funny. how do you get in these situations? It's funny how people think they hide, when what they hide just oozes from them. It's like this, if you don't already know...... He gave you all the hints in the world, you didn't get them. So he figured it was okay to just say it. It's what they do, it's how they do it. So many people play along until it's too late....Who's fault is that? It's your choice to bite the hook.....he just thinks he's out there fishing.
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We do tend to perceive someone in a certain way. That way may be incorrect. It's good to acknowledge that "nobody's perfect" and to accept their faults as we do our own. Thanks for your comment, ET. Elaine Shuel
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Motives aren't always honorable. That is very true, ET. However, it reminded me of one of the things I strongly believe in. Everyone is thought of as a good person unless l he/she does something to convince me otherwise. Elaine Shuel
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I think you were perfectly within your rights to end your friendship with that lady. I know I would not feel comfortable chatting with her either. Live and let live is a pretty good motto. Elaine Shuel
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Trust in people.....As you trust in yourself. We forget that here.....It's says a lot about trust and distrust. It says a lot about who we are and who we think we are. Thank you.Elaine Shuel
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Live and Let Live?????? judgments of others leads to the inability to "live and let live". Not that we can't judge others, but the rightness of the judgment is arbitrary, when it doesn't invade our life , but the life of other. you speak for her son, not yourself, Yet you're using him to speak for yourself. and this you call " live and let live" I don't think so. I can agree with your judgment and your assessment of the situation, and I do. But I don't have the audacity to say it's "live and let live" when it's only okay if it's by my rules. Elaine Shuel
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I probably shouldn't admit this but that was a great comeback. Loved it. Elaine Shuel
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yeah right. I don't even get on the boat. I'm not a fisherman but that doesn't preclude the fact I know what a bait and hook is.
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"Jiminy, her son gets an erection from what she does, she told me. I don't think he would voice the opinion it's bad for him. I have done many calls with men in my job. I know the harm that this behavior can cause. If you believe I am being judgmental, I hope you are wrong. Thanks for your comment." You keep doing it, I don't get it. Now as I said, I agree with you, but that's my opinion. I don't try to make it others, It should only matter that I'm right. More importantly, the judgment here is that she is wrong. Yet, it's not about you it's about her son. so if you believe in live and let live...then it's not for you to decide for others. Lulu..."I probably shouldn't admit this but that was a great comeback. Loved it" it's a funny retort.. yet it's not true...I would hope Lulu knows it, other here don't.. I expected it, so I got it. As soon as wrote it I knew it was coming. I don't care, I know who I am. but I see it all the time here, those that choose to believe something that's not true. I've been here for ten years, never have I dated someone from this site. I don't even correspond or email. In that regards I probably shouldn't even be here. I'm not married, I'm available. yet I don't do it, just don't see the benefit. I don't play women , don't even think that way. Nobody here really knows me, they just think they do.
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shuel, you've painted a picture of someone, it's not true. It may be true in your mind. but the picture you paint isn't the whole truth. The picture you paint, is looked at through different eyes than your own. it's unfair to do that. It sets a tone, for people to be judgmental, not only that but to be unfair. I don't know of women you speak about, but she obviously wants to be your friend. do you think she would agree with what you wrote? do you think she would not be hurt by what you wrote? do you think what you wrote, she would say is a live and let live attitude?
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Of course, I defend fisherman, and sexual deviants...because I must be one!
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