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DO MEN REALLY LISTEN TO WHAT WOMEN SAY? I really think that men tune us out. I sometimes say something to my boyfriend and it's like what did you say? It's because he wasn't really listening and then something triggered him to finally hear what I said. That's annoying and he knows that. Do you have that experience, ladies? Men, do you all tune us out? You might miss something important, you know.  Elaine Shuel |
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Men like to 'vedge out' and just switch off quite often, it's how we mentally 'regroup.' It's our coping mechanism, many times so called conversation is just inane prattle, boring stuff that we've no interest in. As soon as something important is said we are still in switched off mode and it takes a bit to focus in again once the conversation becomes intelligent. Many times we dont bother as by the time the important bit has been missed we are getting abused and it's back to just switching off again. Hope that explains things  Judgment Day will be interesting - and all paths lead there.
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5/17/2015 4:41 pm |
Like Boogie I tend to be the one to tune out. We ADD folks seem to develop this as a side effect of learning how to focus and not be distracted. My husband was similar so we spent a great deal of time sitting in silence and enjoying each others silent physical presence. My companions since have had to figure it out and accept it or move on. . In my case I have so much going on in my internal world I often drift out of the present. I developed a kind of Mom radar when I had little kids at home. Sort of perfected hearing the change in tone that told me I needed to pay attention. Funny thing is I still do that when I am around small children and have to catch myself before I respond to someone elses child. Spiritwoman ^i^
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I don't think that this is only a male trait, I'm just as guilty at times. I really can't stand being around people that ramble on and on. I have been around women that never know when to stop and listen. I could see how they'd drive a man crazy, or make them tune out.
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I have very good hearing, Alfie has a hearing aid. He says I wore his ears out............. If I am mumbling to myself he manages to hear me talking and says....huh, huh, what.......???
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I appreciate your answer, LukeWalker. When a woman talks to a guy and he is doing something else, obviously that's not the best time. I meant when one talks to their significant other and he is supposedly listening to her. I didn't realize he needs an interpreter to understand what's said.  Thanks for clearing that up. Elaine Shuel
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I think in my boyfriend's case, it's because he tends to call me at the end of his day. By then it's usually 3 am and he's tired. He just wants to unwind. I think my communication style is fine. He should call me during the day, when he is wide awake. Thanks for your response, boogie. Just for the record, if you are going to tune someone out, why not just tell them that you aren't up to hearing anything? Nothing is worse than talking to oneself. Elaine Shuel
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Men like to 'vedge out' and just switch off quite often, it's how we mentally 'regroup.' It's our coping mechanism, many times so called conversation is just inane prattle, boring stuff that we've no interest in. As soon as something important is said we are still in switched off mode and it takes a bit to focus in again once the conversation becomes intelligent. Many times we dont bother as by the time the important bit has been missed we are getting abused and it's back to just switching off again. Hope that explains things Yes, that's explains it all. Thanks hermit. I'm curious how a man would feel when/if we tuned them out.Elaine Shuel
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I've seen that technique used. Thanks for the cute answer, Pat. Elaine Shuel
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Tuned out already, eh Bob? Thank you. Elaine Shuel
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Like Boogie I tend to be the one to tune out. We ADD folks seem to develop this as a side effect of learning how to focus and not be distracted. My husband was similar so we spent a great deal of time sitting in silence and enjoying each others silent physical presence. My companions since have had to figure it out and accept it or move on. . In my case I have so much going on in my internal world I often drift out of the present. I developed a kind of Mom radar when I had little kids at home. Sort of perfected hearing the change in tone that told me I needed to pay attention. Funny thing is I still do that when I am around small children and have to catch myself before I respond to someone elses child.  Thanks for that unique response, Spirit. Elaine Shuel
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I don't think that this is only a male trait, I'm just as guilty at times. I really can't stand being around people that ramble on and on. I have been around women that never know when to stop and listen. I could see how they'd drive a man crazy, or make them tune out. My boyfriend, for the record, is so tired when he calls, he hardly talks. I keep saying I don't want to do a monologue. I want him to talk more and I encourage that. So, if a guy doesn't want to talk much, what should a woman do during the phone call? Listen to him breathe? Thanks for your comment, Rae. Elaine Shuel
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I have very good hearing, Alfie has a hearing aid. He says I wore his ears out............. If I am mumbling to myself he manages to hear me talking and says....huh, huh, what.......??? Thanks for your response, Ann. Elaine Shuel
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I noticed that when people speak, they think their stories are very interesting. Often they are boring tales that nobody wants to listen to. I see it as a give and take thing. I want to be heard so if someone is not particularly interesting, I still listen. How can I expect others to listen to my stories if I won't listen to theirs? My boyfriend, for the record, is so tired when he calls, he hardly talks. I keep saying I don't want to do a monologue. I want him to talk more and I encourage that. So, if a guy doesn't want to talk much, what should a woman do during the phone call? Listen to him breathe? Thanks for your comment, Rae. Nope, you don't have to listen to him breathe, tell him he sounds tired and you'll talk to him later, unless of course his breathing is kind of sexy. 
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I'm not talking about stories, I'm talking about mindless chatter, even I like a good story, even if they are a tad bit boring, it's better than listening to someone rambling. Nope, you don't have to listen to him breathe, tell him he sounds tired and you'll talk to him later, unless of course his breathing is kind of sexy. Elaine Shuel
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Forgetting things is another story. I have to admit that my memory isn't what it used to be. Thanks for your comment and I hope you have a great week too, Lyn. I have to add that I read ET's blog about what you sent her sister. What a wonderful person you are to have done that.  Elaine Shuel
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It seems to be more of a problem on the phone, at least for me. It's good that you don't have those issues. Thanks for your input, MySeek. Elaine Shuel
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As long as nobody gets hurt and you're not missing out hearing anything important, it sounds like a win-win situation. Elaine Shuel
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5/17/2015 10:54 pm |
Hi Elaine: If men tune women out, then I understand why they do it. Almost every single woman I meet these days never stops talking. After listening to an incredibly long story from them and not being able to get a single word in edgewise, it hits them that they may be hogging the conversation, then they say ".....well, to make a long story short". Ha, way too late for that.
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Hi Elaine: If men tune women out, then I understand why they do it. Almost every single woman I meet these days never stops talking. After listening to an incredibly long story from them and not being able to get a single word in edgewise, it hits them that they may be hogging the conversation, then they say ".....well, to make a long story short". Ha, way too late for that. Do you think that can't happen with a man talking? Thanks for your comment, bijou. Elaine Shuel
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Yes, that's explains it all. Thanks hermit. I'm curious how a man would feel when/if we tuned them out.Judgment Day will be interesting - and all paths lead there.
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What do you mean ,shuel? Men always listen to what women say! May be only to disagree all the times!!
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Probably relieved. lol You're probably right.Elaine Shuel
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Thanks for the recommendation, LakeWalker. There's also "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" from John Gray. I believe I put up a post about that one. Elaine Shuel
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That was a great answer, ET.  I think you meant robotic. You would think that he would have paid attention, given you said "We need to talk". If that doesn't get his attention, nothing will. Elaine Shuel
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You're a strong woman to have done that. I'm impressed. Elaine Shuel
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