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I NEED YOUR ADVICE - WHY WOULD YOU NEVER GET MARRIED AGAIN??? In my post, asking if people would want to get married, live together or live separately, some stated they wouldn't get married again. I've never been married but I've thought about it. When I keep reading that those who have, wouldn't again, I ask myself WHY? What do you know that I don't? Am I better off single? Elaine Shuel |
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3/11/2015 11:25 am |
Hi Elaine: I believe that if two people want to be together, then I don't feel they need permission from City Hall to do so. If they decide they don't want to be together anymore, they can just separate without going through an expensive court procedure to do so. Even if a couple decides to just live together, they do need to have a written agreement about their assets, each must have a Power of Attorney stating who is entitled to take care of their financial affairs and make health care decisions if they become incapacitated, and both must have valid Wills. In Canada and in many U.S. states, common law marriages are considered legal marriages. If a couple lives common law and they do separate or one of them dies there should be no misunderstandings with that person's family about who gets the house or assets. Without a legal marriage or written agreement, the deceased person's family can just swoop in and take over and throw the surviving person under the bus. So to answer your question, no more marriages for me because I don't feel marriage is necessary.
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Thanks boogie but I can't help wondering why so many people that were married, wouldn't do it again. Elaine Shuel
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Elaine, boogie is right, that is a path for you to choose. I can give you my reasons, but that's just it, they are my reasons why I have chosen not to. I haven't been married since I was 36 years old, but I have been engaged to be married four times in the last twenty six years. I backed out of all of them because of those little red flags that kept popping up. Once married to a violent person, you learn quickly to pick up on certain signals. Examples, once I see any sign of jealousy, a bad temper, neediness, or a control freak personality, I am gone! I have always been very independent, and have actually enjoyed not being tied down and doing what I want when I want. Here's a question: Why is it that men, (not all men, don't get upset boys) date, or marry women that are independent, and once they have them they want to control them? That never made sense to me.
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Hi Elaine: I believe that if two people want to be together, then I don't feel they need permission from City Hall to do so. If they decide they don't want to be together anymore, they can just separate without going through an expensive court procedure to do so. Even if a couple decides to just live together, they do need to have a written agreement about their assets, each must have a Power of Attorney stating who is entitled to take care of their financial affairs and make health care decisions if they become incapacitated, and both must have valid Wills. In Canada and in many U.S. states, common law marriages are considered legal marriages. If a couple lives common law and they do separate or one of them dies there should be no misunderstandings with that person's family about who gets the house or assets. Without a legal marriage or written agreement, the deceased person's family can just swoop in and take over and throw the surviving person under the bus. So to answer your question, no more marriages for me because I don't feel marriage is necessary.  Elaine Shuel
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Elaine, boogie is right, that is a path for you to choose. I can give you my reasons, but that's just it, they are my reasons why I have chosen not to. I haven't been married since I was 36 years old, but I have been engaged to be married four times in the last twenty six years. I backed out of all of them because of those little red flags that kept popping up. Once married to a violent person, you learn quickly to pick up on certain signals. Examples, once I see any sign of jealousy, a bad temper, neediness, or a control freak personality, I am gone! I have always been very independent, and have actually enjoyed not being tied down and doing what I want when I want. Here's a question: Why is it that men, (not all men, don't get upset boys) date, or marry women that are independent, and once they have them they want to control them? That never made sense to me. I like a bit of jealousy but too much is a bad thing. My boyfriend doesn't have a jealous bone in his body.  Thanks for asking the men a question. I have noticed that men aren't quick on answering questions regarding marriage. Elaine Shuel
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After I posted this question, I realized that some people don't want to remarry because they had a happy marriage and the spouse died. It's fine to remarry but I guess some feel better not doing so. I guess my question is more for those that divorced. What was it about marriage that they don't want to do it again? It sounds like things have worked out well for you, MySeek2day. That's great!!! Elaine Shuel
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Love that ending, Pat.  Yes, love does have its risks. When you lose someone, I think whether they were your boyfriend or husband wouldn't affect how bad you'd feel. Does that paper really make someone more heartbroken? The point is that we can't avoid love because it will hurt to lose them. I am glad your daughter convinced you into getting together with Joe. You're obviously very happy and thanks for sharing. Elaine Shuel
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I have always been an independent gal, and since my husband died eleven years ago, I have become even more independent. I would like a travel companion, dinner companion, etc. but I don't want to have to consult someone every time I want to go places or do things with my gal pals. I would expect a fellow to want to continue going out and about with his guy pals too. I don't want to have to cook regular meals, or do someone else's laundry, etc.
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Hi Elaine.... I was married to my late husband for 38 years. He had served in the Canadian Air force for 33 years. So needless to say, besides having had a wonderful life, I have pensions and benefits I would not give up. Hence my reason for not seeking a long term relationship like marriage. I also have to agree with some of the comments here. In my case, I was a caregiver and I can't see myself going through that again.
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As long as there is breath, there is life, _JKH54. Elaine Shuel
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Elaine like you I have never been married and I have no plans to do so down the road. I don't see the reason to at this point in my life. I don't even want to live with anyone. I like my life the way it is and to combine two households together seems like a lot of work. I would like a companion. Someone I can to things with and go away for weekends and trips. So am I selfish in thinking this way I do not think so.
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I have always been an independent gal, and since my husband died eleven years ago, I have become even more independent. I would like a travel companion, dinner companion, etc. but I don't want to have to consult someone every time I want to go places or do things with my gal pals. I would expect a fellow to want to continue going out and about with his guy pals too. I don't want to have to cook regular meals, or do someone else's laundry, etc. Elaine Shuel
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Hi Elaine.... I was married to my late husband for 38 years. He had served in the Canadian Air force for 33 years. So needless to say, besides having had a wonderful life, I have pensions and benefits I would not give up. Hence my reason for not seeking a long term relationship like marriage. I also have to agree with some of the comments here. In my case, I was a caregiver and I can't see myself going through that again. I can understand why you feel the way you do. Elaine Shuel
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Elaine like you I have never been married and I have no plans to do so down the road. I don't see the reason to at this point in my life. I don't even want to live with anyone. I like my life the way it is and to combine two households together seems like a lot of work. I would like a companion. Someone I can to things with and go away for weekends and trips. So am I selfish in thinking this way I do not think so. Elaine Shuel
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It's ok to ask this question and get feedback. I would see more independent writings on this subject to round out the discussion. There is a lot out there to consider. The person who spoke about red flags touches on something crucial. Red flags comes from lots of directions. A wise person would acquaint (via the reading I'm suggesting) of all the possible red flags...faith, temper, in-laws, money, chores, jobs, hobbies...its a long list. Know the issues and then take them one by one and work through them to find where the equilibrium on those issues is...then evaluate your tolerance for the differences. Then you can weigh the overall capacity to live calmly, and still be enriched by the experience. It's about awareness ahead of time...and how you cope with those realities. Negotiate understanding first...not a truce later. Its pretty easy to recognize the flags once you educate yourself just what they all are. Elaine Shuel
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It's working for you and Helen so that's all that matters. I'm not alone, as far as I see it. I just don't live with my boyfriend. Elaine Shuel
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Lucas, please don't insult other commenters on my blog. I value your opinion on the subject so if you have something to offer, please do. Thanks. Elaine Shuel
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awww are you still mad because I made you look stupid? Elaine Shuel
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Never say Never. I was married for 20 years. My ex did not want the divorce. He would not accept a settlement or offer one. I made every offer I could think to make and agreed to accept either side of the split; I BELIEVE sincerely that attorneys are legal extortion. two and a half years later I offered him everything we owned and all the money. I only wanted a small pittance that was my retirement. He refused. My divorce costed me over $30,000.00 and almost my life. You can have a legal name change for about $500. If you want your name changed back it is another $500. There is no "Common Law" in Missouri  Legal costs are exorbitant but in all fairness so are dental costs and accounting costs and for that matter, most things. It sounds like your husband knew how much you wanted to divorce him so he took you to the cleaners. The lawyers helped him. That's really unfortunate.Elaine Shuel
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3/15/2015 8:15 am |
My reason for not marrying is that it's an unnecessary legal complication. Given my track record of serial monogamy, I see no benefit to marriage. It made sense 50 years ago when I wanted to have children.
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My reason for not marrying is that it's an unnecessary legal complication. Given my track record of serial monogamy, I see no benefit to marriage. It made sense 50 years ago when I wanted to have children. Elaine Shuel
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