| Blogs > shuel2002 > Speak Your Mind |
|
Fifty Shades Of GREEN I like talking with men on the phone. I have nothing against talking to women but it's been men that I've had as phone friends. My boyfriend doesn't have a jealous bone in his body (shucks!). He only cares that I don't go around meeting men or having sex with them. I should add that my boyfriend is also a workoholic. He's probably happy that I'm occupied. I recently made a new friend. He is a great guy, intelligent with a great sense of humor. We talk about normal things like about his work or his day. He's married. The first thing I asked him was if his wife was fine with him talking to women. He said she's fine with it unless he has sex with them. Sounds like my boyfriend. I began to notice that he seemed to speak to me before going home and not in the weekend. I asked him point blank and he said it's easier not to talk from his house. He later told me he will mention me to her, when I said we're not doing anything wrong and my boyfriend knows about him. Hopefully he will tell her. I wouldn't drop him as a friend at this point, as I had an issue come up and he helped me. His expertise in his field helped me immensely and I've always believed, a friend in need is a friend indeed. I already consider him a great friend. What do you think about a husband/bf talking to a new woman friend (as opposed to an old friend from before their marriage/relationship)? Would you be jealous? Same question to the men. Elaine Shuel |
|||
|
Nope, no need to be jealous. I've always had more men friends than female, most likely it's because I have worked with more men in the past twenty years than women. When I did date, if the man I was with showed any sign of jealousy in any way, I was gone!! One jealous husband taught me that, he was so jealous that if I looked at another man he would deal with me in the privacy of our home!! It's a sickness, and life is too short for that crap!!
| ||
|
Nope, no need to be jealous. I've always had more men friends than female, most likely it's because I have worked with more men in the past twenty years than women. When I did date, if the man I was with showed any sign of jealousy in any way, I was gone!! One jealous husband taught me that, he was so jealous that if I looked at another man he would deal with me in the privacy of our home!! It's a sickness, and life is too short for that crap!! I'm glad you aren't with that jealous husband anymore, Nileyears. Elaine Shuel
| ||
|
I can't talk about my new friend's wife earthytaurus3, but in my case, my boyfriend is used to it and I do ask him once in awhile if he is still fine with my friendships. He always assures me he is and I know he is. I'm very faithful and loyal. I'm a Virgo and I was born the year of the dog. lol Elaine Shuel
| ||
|
Thanks, I have to admit that I am the jealous type but not insanely jealous. I don't expect a guy I'm with to not notice any women that are around. I notice other men. That's not the same as openly flirting on either side. To me it's fine if my boyfriend has female friends, as long as they are just friends and nothing more. I'm glad you aren't with that jealous husband anymore, Nileyears. 
| ||
|
No I wouldn't mind at all. My husband has some lady friends that he chats to and I know them all. For me personally I wouldn't feel comfortable at all having a male friend and I don't know why that is. It just wouldn't feel right for me.
| ||
|
It depends. I have had many men friends in my lifetime. Lots and Lots of relationships that were monogamous and friendships only. As a result gossip spread through my CATHOLIC family about me and I am considered to be a concubine. (when one of them asked me if I knew what that was -- I told them I thought it was a piece of farm equipment  ) I'm probably the least promiscuous among them. Because of my naiveness-- and believing all people were in the same mind set as I-- I was not jealous of my husband and thought nothing of his having lady friends. His relationships were affairs. Am I jealous? It still depends on my mate. It is up to the person I am with to keep me secure. There are some women he talks to that are absolutely no threat at all to me. There is another who flirts with him-- I think has designs on him and I flat out don't like it. When I heard her tell him to call her-- I didn't like it. But I trust him. He tells me what he does. I tell him everything. That's the bottom line. There is always someone standing there ready to take our mate from us. If they can-- then it wasn't meant to be. I can't waste my time on jealousy. I will do my part to be the best mate to him I can be. I'm sure he'll do the same for me. Anyone who is thinking about throwing their mate away for one of these people tho -- should remember -- Another woman/man is as easy to get as a BigMac at McDonald's Drive Thru. Their also gone as quick as the trash that gets thrown out. It takes years to find a good quality mate. I'll hang out with my girlfriend buddies and not cause any waves. I also trust my boyfriend. When we met, he wanted monogamy even before I did. I wasn't sure yet that he was "the one". Now I am but I didn't want to see others if he was exclusive with me. It worked out since I fell in love with him. If a woman can take away someone's guy, the relationship wasn't solid enough to begin with. Elaine Shuel
| ||
|
Finally a male response. Thanks Bill. I was wondering where the guys are too. I loved your answer. Helen knows about the 2 women and she's fine with it. You are friends with them but aren't looking for more and neither are they. Perfect and that's why it works. Elaine Shuel
| ||
|
No I wouldn't mind at all. My husband has some lady friends that he chats to and I know them all. For me personally I wouldn't feel comfortable at all having a male friend and I don't know why that is. It just wouldn't feel right for me. Some women are comfortable talking to other women only. Some only men. I would be fine with both sexes but for some reason, probably due to my profession, men have been my friends for quite a few years now. Elaine Shuel
| ||
|
Absolutely correct. If it works for you both, that's all that matters. An ex flame would be a bit harder to accept, I think. That would probably bother me a touch. Elaine Shuel
| ||
|
I think that it depends on the type of conversation and the timing. If a gal or guy only talks to their opposite sex friend when their partner isn't around..... that's not a good sign. Do they only talk on their cell or office phone, or can you phone them at home and have a chat with their partner before asking to speak to them? Do you talk about your partner and/or household issues with this person? Do you and your partner ever meet for drinks/coffee/lunch with the other couple? You may be up front with this friendship, but is the other person being up front with their partner? I'm not generally a suspicious person, but it can be a slippery slope.
| ||
|
I think that it depends on the type of conversation and the timing. If a gal or guy only talks to their opposite sex friend when their partner isn't around..... that's not a good sign. Do they only talk on their cell or office phone, or can you phone them at home and have a chat with their partner before asking to speak to them? Do you talk about your partner and/or household issues with this person? Do you and your partner ever meet for drinks/coffee/lunch with the other couple? You may be up front with this friendship, but is the other person being up front with their partner? I'm not generally a suspicious person, but it can be a slippery slope. We talk about his day or about something funny he heard. We really haven't had that many deep conversations because he calls after work, before he has some night function. He's always busy. I don't meet him or any phone friends. One exception was years ago. My boyfriend and I visited another phone friend I had (he died since that time) in the hospital and another time in his home. I have talked with phone friends for a short time while my boyfriend was over. I don't want my boyfriend to feel left out and I don't want to be rude to my boyfriend. That's why I normally just tell my friends that my boyfriend is over so I can't talk. My boyfriend speaks to me every night and it usually comes out who I talked to. My boyfriend and I have no issues on this matter and I only wish my new friend would tell his wife. There is nothing to hide from my perspective. Elaine Shuel
| ||
|
Phone friends are guys who are strictly friends. We talk about normal things like what's going on in their lives and mine. There is nothing sexual about it. They are friends that happen to be male. Most are single but this one is married. That's why I asked him if his wife is fine with him having female friends. He said she is. I think he may tell her that I'm his new friend. We've only talked for a few weeks now. I hope he tells her. Please explain the slippery slope comment, Francesca. I don't cheat on my boyfriend and won't be meeting him in person. Elaine Shuel
|
×
×