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Even without feeling guilty, people have to take responsibility for their actions. In some of the present situations we are seeing, I am amazed though, how people can be held accountable for what they did decades ago, that was acceptable at that time, but not now. How is one supposed to feel "guilty" for those actions? Be a prism, spreading God's light and love, not a mirror reflecting the world's hatred.
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Always a zero-sum game with you........It's very possible to feel guilt and still be responsible for one's actions and make recompense for wrong doing. One doesn't cancel out the other. Most of us taught our children by giving them consequences......you are not unique in that......Having feelings is a normal part of being Human and guilt is one of the many possible feelings Humans have......especially in a religious up-bringing.........Feelings of guilt can precede or accompany making amends.......It's not always possible to find a way to adequately assuage feelings of guilt........ Several years ago, I had a back injury that was very painful and I was very delicate for weeks. My 4 year-old grandson was told this by both me and his parents and that he couldn't jump on Nana or rough-house like we usually did. One day, he got excited and forgot and jumped [into my arms in a way that caused me a great deal of pain and I screamed and dropped him on the floor............He felt so bad.....he was just expressing his enthusiasm to see me......he just forgot.......he felt terrible......he felt guilty for weeks......There was nothing he could do to rectify his mistake.......I reassured him over and over that It was an honest mistake and I forgave him, as did his parents, but he still felt guilty........It's a part of the Human Condition that we all have to deal with and work out........
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We see the idea of feeling guilty differently...You don't see it as personal.. The abusers in the study... and most men in general, "feel guilt" but don't express guilt. It guilt they will try, and sometimes fail, to work out themselves..Most men dealing with feeling guilty.. don't want help..they just would like it to stop. Feeling guilty for the most part in singular to the event...and the single decision process leading to that event...being guilt ridden can lead to other problems.. Being guilt ridden is almost never personal.....It's social...A person is almost not capable of becoming guilt ridden on his/her own...I was talking guilt as it relates to the sense of responsibility.. Not guilt as a punishment. The study was doomed to failure...AS it would be in any relationships...Woman especially fail to understand.. People who lack empathy, People who don't feel it, don't understand it, and who NEVER feel guilty.. have a real problem dealing with people who do.. In the study and in the any relationship......IT NEVER works to try and pile on guilt, or to use guilt to change a behavior Absolutely the worst thing to do to someone who already "feels guilty"... and a meaningless thing to do to someone who doesn't... especially for men it doesn't work...Yet some women, can't help themselves, their anger about an event.. shows up by trying to pile on guilt....It NEVER WORKS your actions with your son...was the right thing to do..not to pile on guilt..I would think when the lamp broke.. you son knew it wasn't the right thing to do, he didn't rejoice in it happening.. At that moment he had the feeling of guilt ....and THEN you were smart enough not to pile it on... but here's the deal.. I would bet..You wouldn't have a problem piling it on other people..I would bet that... because I know, with other people, you'd never feel guilty doing it.
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"but here's the deal.. I would bet..You wouldn't have a problem piling it on other people..I would bet that... because I know, with other people, you'd never feel guilty doing it." Well said Jiminy! Maisie spends all her time desperately trying to lay guilt trips on everyone who doesn't think or vote as she does. She feels no guilt simply because she has no understanding of what guilt and conscience really are. It doesn't say much for her understanding of the various freedoms Humans have... to her, she's "perfect" and those who have a different point of view are just so much sewage.
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So, that's what you are doing when you blame Democrats, Muslims and Mexicans for all the evils in the world? 
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Oh...I forgot the Jewish mothers!
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Women...especially have a problem dealing with men about feeling guilty.. There are two types of men about feeling guilty...... Some that will and some that won't.. The ones that won't.. women need to run away as fast as they can...It's hopeless. The problem comes with the ones that do...women need to realize...that the feeling of guilt works it's own magic..and it doesn't need your help...In fact, it's works just the opposite..as women think.. As soon women tries to make a man feel more guilty than he already feels..It does a strange thing... it takes away his guilt... All the things.. the man was thinking to relieve his own guilt... go out the window. all his plans, to take his own responsibility.. become the woman's responsibility. All the deep seated idea, about the woman contribution or cause for his guilt... all of sudden come to the forefront.. Women who pile on guilt.. to a man, who feels guilty.. all of sudden loses their victim identity and becomes the perpetrator.. it's actually the easy way for men to lose their guilt...to avoid their own guilt.. I know to most women....this will sound really strange.. but the way to make a man feel more guilty...Is to try and make him feel less guilty..... Yes....It works just the opposite too.. Yes... men are more complicated and confused.. than you'd think.. Men may not conscientiously understand it.. but they do pile on guilt to women differently. But almost all men.. don't use an event..to pile on guilt.. a woman breaks the car, and men really don't pile on guilt about that.. Unless a woman takes the joke about it wrong.........Men use other things, more personal things.... where the woman's own guilt has nothing to do with it.......Like looks, the responsibility for the kids, wifely duties.....and his mother in law... For men, they try to pile on guilt, not because she did something wrong.. they try to pile on guilt.. because she doesn't try to make their life easier.
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Deciding that certain feelings are non-productive doesn't eliminate them........Guilt is a chameleon, an umbrella and a leech.......not easily eradicated, disciplined or identified.......I'm sure that spending your impressionable years having Nuns as your immediate authority has familiarized you with guilt.....and if you are as well acquainted with psychological analysis as you intimate in your blog, you will be aware that guilt is a complex issue that can't be eliminated from the Human psych unproductive.
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You don't see your sons actions the way I see them...How lucky he was at a young age.. How lucky he was to do something like that and get caught How lucky he was he felt guilty about it How lucky he was you didn't pile on the guilt. How lucky he was that he could remove that guilt.. through your actions and his own. When... I was warning my sons... that you shouldn't have to get 'caught" to feel guilty. What i thinking about was.... Thinking about your son doing what her did, and not feeling guilty and not getting caught... he wouldn't be so lucky then....and how would that have turned out..? I would guarantee.. not as well. For sure... punishment never works as well.... as feeling guilty. It a bigger problem.. if you need someones punishment to feel guilty.. For no one can punish us.. a more effective way ...than we can punish ourselves.
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Quoting Maisie2013:....I never said it was a zero sum, or an either or. I said to stop at guilt and not accept responsibility is nonproductive. You make my point for me. ...........So basically, it all comes down to us. You can sit around and " feel guilty" and repeat the same actions again and again. Or you can step up, be responsible and choose to change your behavior. " Okay..... this totally lost me.. and makes you totally lost about guilt.. I thought in the normal sense.... you took guilt as punishment instead of responsibility..an unjust punishment..and over punishment but obviously I made the wrong assumption.. How is possible that you could believe that guilt.. is not about responsibility, not about punishment... but an excuse? . So one can feel guilty over and over again.. and relieve their responsibility? .A justification to be able to do, whatever it is again? ... No wonder you NEVER feel guilty.. and feel guilty about it... You certainly... don't need another excuse.. to do what you do.... again and again...
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maisie... So how can guilt be separate from what one feels guilty about? How can a feeling of guilt just be it's own feeling.. without other meaning and purpose? Like you walk around feeling guilty about things and that give you justification to them.. Like it's okay, I can do that because I feel guilty about it.. So i'm trying to figure out... how in the hell, could you possibly think that way about guilt. You buy into what a guy says...."Like what more do want from me .. I feel guilty about it.. isn't that enough? When the truth is.. the only guilt he feels.. is that your trying top MAKE him feel guilty Like you believe some jerk that would say that to you...Like you believe that guy really does feel guilty... and isn't just saying it.... to get you off his back.. And when he doesn't feel guilty at all, and does it again... You believed that he actually did feel guilty...and uses it as an excuse..? Feeling guilty can never stand alone.. It's an impossibility.. and still be guilt... but then again...you do tend to believe in lies.. if it serves your purpose.
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Why would I (or anyone else for that matter) feel "guilt" in disagreeing with anything you say or do? "Contempt" would be a more accurate word... living your life without "emotion" makes you inhuman. Whatever, I'm still laughing at your take on what it is to be human! You deny having any emotions even while you use them to put everybody else down.
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Even without feeling guilty, people have to take responsibility for their actions. In some of the present situations we are seeing, I am amazed though, how people can be held accountable for what they did decades ago, that was acceptable at that time, but not now. How is one supposed to feel "guilty" for those actions? In my mind, guilt and responsibility go hand in hand... You don't have to agree with my definition just try to understand it.. I don't believe my definition is absolute...... My idea of guilt is the same as remorse....the only difference between the two would be someones degree of responsibility. The more responsible the more guilt....the less responsible the more remorse. Responsibility then become the definition question.. the narrow view and the open view..my view of responsibility is how one perceives it... Some people don't feel responsible for anything.. other people think everything that happens in their life , one way or another, they are responsible for.. We all fall somewhere in between the remorse and guilt line. no one else's idea of it matters.. The only verdict that matters.. is in one's self-judgment.. We are old enough to have to deal with it everyday... looking through our past.. The idea of whether, things we wish we could have changed, become remorse or guilt..Most of Us will TRY to avoid the guilt....I happen, to almost always question... where I fall in between... Feeling guilt for me.. is in varying degrees for each incident of my life. From none to ALMOST totally responsible But I have arrived at a conclusion to it all.. about My remorse and guilt and responsibility...First I can't go back and change it.. Second, I have to accept it, and accept the fact.. that Third, and most important, my remorse and guilt and responsibility, defines me. It's who I am, and not who I wish I was.. That brings us to your question......and how MY definition of "feeling guilty" fits your question.. I don't ask you to agree with MY definition..just understand it.. "How is one supposed to feel "guilty" for those actions?" I suggest you look into your own life..and figure it out. How you can or can not do it. Tell us your definition of "feeling guilty".. Not in the judgement of others, but how YOU personally come to feel guilty. Or do you have no remorse?
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One of the ironies about feeling guilty... Is that it is virtually impossible... to truly believe in GOD.. and live the lives we lead.. and NOT feel guilty.. It's a necessity..not a choice. It's by design....to believe in God... One MUST "feel guilty". For many... God is the avenue to heal the guilt.. god is the only one who can remove the guilt. god can lead one to a path that avoids the guilt.. the irony about that is amazing....For those things in our lives.. that we wish to heal, stop, or avoid.. only makes it more REAL..
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