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Cockroaches fear the light. And the truth. But the News is back. Today’s News: January 21, 2012 (It's my birthday so I get to make up whatever news I want.) WORLD The world happened again today, despite early predictions of the Mayan authorities. Earlier attempts to end the world’s infestation into existence fell short of expected results on Dec. 21st of last year, and by now authorities are baffled. “I thought this would all be long over by now” said one top official in the US Office of Insanity. “But it just keeps going on and on with no end in sight.” Further reports of existence pour in from all parts of the globe. At this time, authorities are planning to assemble in Disneyland for a summit on the failures of global annihilation. But at this time people are advised to stay indoors with windows and doors closed, and blinds shut. If you have locks you are advised to use them. However, should the world occur to people, their best hope for recovery is a combination of large quantities of alcohol to flush out their systems, and avoid hygiene to reduce the risk of further contamination from soap and water. NATION President Obama met with House Speaker John Boehner ®) today, to discuss ways to avoid paying for lunch. It is hoped that a settlement can be reached before the tab is to be paid upon leaving McDonald’s, but officials on both sides are resolute. “It’s time the Republicans buy me a Happy Meal” said the President. “This has been going on too long and the American people deserve better. The Reps must pay their fair share for what they’ve already ordered.” Congressional officials could not be reached for comment because they had snuck out without leaving a tip. But inside sources tell GNN that there is still room to maneuver before the menu changes to breakfast. Elsewhere in the nation today, Michigan voters decided to rename the State to “New So What.” This follows on the heels of action taken last week by Pennsylvanian officials who farted. Countrywide dissatisfaction with nose tweezers is driving the move among the electorate nationwide, and in Florida seven leaders of the Dweezles have signed on to a letter petitioning Michelle Obama to shave the right side of her head. President Obama’s pick to head up the Department of Diarhea (DOD), GavinLS, spent the day in front of members of the House and Senate today. Inside sources commenting on Gavin’s nomination told reporters that he is expected to pass smoothly. Also, news sources out of Hollywood today reported that Sean Penn is still Sean Penn. Officials say there is no hope in sight for a change. STATE Elected officials returned to sessions in all 50 states today, to vote on Apathy. However, it seems there is little interest in the matter at this time, so they played Internet Bingo instead. Said one State Representative in Kansas who spoke off the record, “I’d hoped we could resolve the issue more favorably, but without further input from Washington, I’m afraid there is no way that we could play Spin the Bottle instead.” LOCAL In everyone’s home town today, marauding bands linked to the Amish Mafia have formed gangs of terrorist skateboarders, who are reported to be chewing gum in school. And growth of related spin-off groups has expanded into and among young who wander in groups on playgrounds throughout schools in metropolitan areas, pointing fingers and shouting “Bang.” Previously confined to school yards, the movement has expanded and now reports come in that these dangerous terrorist roam the neighborhoods after school hours and on weekends, causing panic in some neighborhoods. “I’ve never been so terrified in all my life!” said Gavin, who asked not to be identified for fear of being hunted down by vengeful 6-year olds. “I stepped outside my door, and saw three 6-year old boys and a young girl who I didn’t know. At first I don’t think they noticed me, but when I turned to walk away, they all formed into a pack and pointed their fingers, shouting “BANG BANG!” seven or eight times! I could feel the wind of the imaginary bullets as they passed by my head! When will the government form a task force of guidance counselors and social workers to deal with all this violence? It just can’t be allowed to continue. Someone is bound to be hurt, or even killed!” Gavin is calling for a nationwide boycott of fingers, but officials say the problem is out of control. Nonetheless Washington is considering legislation to limit the number of both full and semi-automatic knuckle bending fingers to reduce crime. “It won’t do any good” said a spokesman for the National Rifle Association. It seems that every loonie tune nut has fingers today, and we can’t seem to keep the spread of fingers from getting into the hands of ,“ adding that “If fingers are outlawed, then only outlaws will have digits” “Preposterous” said Gavin. “You don’t need ten fingers to stick out your tongue, or to defend against a dangerous finger-pointer!” Fortunately the finger pointing proved inaccurate, missing Gavin, who was only traumatized and is expected to recover after just a few years of intensive psychotherapy. SPORTS Boxing fans were stunned today by the upset victory of the Green Bay Packers over Jennifer Aniston. Odds maker’s had favored Aniston by a heavy margin, but had based their calculations without considering the greater number of Packers. The final score was 11 zip. Aniston was unconscious and recuperating in the hospital and could not be reached for comment. But when asked the reason for their amazing upset victory, Packers Coach and Team Doctor, Ben Zadrine had this to say: “Gimme a damn minute will ya? I gotta take a sh*t!) Packers fans stood outside the arena chanting “On to Betty White!” referring to the championship bout to take place in weeks to come. LATE BREAKING NEWS: AP Washington: The Presidential Inauguration Ceremony was held today on the Capital streets, and everyone ate rutabagas in honor of Mental Telepathy and Beans. --Stay tuned for more as the story develops. That’s it for tonight folks. And remember to stay tuned to..........shucks. I don’t know. Do whatever you want. Just get out of here. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please don’t ask me where I get this stuff. I have no idea! GBU all, Gavin |
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You cant keep a good man down! GBU all, Gavin
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Hi folks. Sorry to repost this. Just trying to figure out why I got banned and wanted to find out if there was something in this blog that caused it. I got an email from SFF thanking me for reporting spam, and it said they'd found the person and deleted their account! LOL! (Was offended by the whole episode when I made this account. Thought someone had set me up again. (It's happened in the past. Not in SFF blogs tho. The other time I got banned, I was able to find out what I'd done, and had to admit they were right.) Later, I just don't think anything like that happened, because I think it would be rather tough to frame me like that. I got an email from SFF thanking me for reporting spam, and it said they'd found the person and deleted their account! LOL! And I can't ever remember a time when anyone who has ever spammed in SFF anyway! LOL! EXCEPT,, I DID report a spam EMAIL a day or two ago, so maybe that started the mix up. Anyway, right now I haven't been fully approved, so that explains why some comments I've made on other's blogs arent't visible. (Well, I can't see them anyway. Don't know if others can.) As I'm writing now, this blog still hasn't appeared on the list. Been a good experience tho. My sons and I spent more time together during this time around my birthday this year, and it was even better when I wasn't so distracted by the chats and blogs. We are toying with the idea of starting a comedy website of our own. Just for fun tho, cos if it becomes work, we'll hate it, and then we won't be able to be funny anymore. Would be a good bonding thing between us all at one time. Anyway, TY for reading and GBU, Gavin
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News Flash.......... Today, on our continuing report about the internet, we attempted an interviewed from the man behind the curtain at SFF. We met him for lunch, where he was eating canned ham on a trisket. When asked the first question his only response was that he was too busy to answer.... "Can't you see I am eating spam and getting indigestion from all the crackers!"
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1/24/2013 6:56 am |
Gavin, I did that search you mentioned a few days ago and wow, what info is out there!!! There is only one thing standing between nobama and Marxist tyranny: We, the People!!
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Hi folks! You're all correct I think. So I've just come to realize thst SFF is not the place for me. I have it on EXCELLENT authority, and know from past personal experience, that the vast majority of people in SFF blogs and chats are excellent human beings! But tho I rejoined, I'm gonna be phasing out of here. I refuse to let myself get into one of those banned/rejoined/banned/rejoined "pizzing matches." The real problem is ONLY a small group, 2 to 5 maybe, of silly horny old bimbos, who think like 5th grade little girls. And one or two elderly adolescent boys who think they can impress the girls if they pretend to believe what they say. LOL I don't expect to last long in this manifestation. But if any of you who have my email addy want to share it with others in here if they are interested, then please feel free to do so. A sweet lady married to a Joe has it, and I trust her judgement if she thinks the person means no harm to me or anyone else. And folks may have heard of the book of faces? I can be found on there too. My handle here is my first name, followed by my initials. Often, just entering that into the search on that site is enough to bring me and a few others up, and if you know me, then you can probably pick me out from the group. If not, my middle name is Lee, and that narrows the field down even more. I can't know or understand why, but for some reason, it seems people I meet on the web often like to read what I have to say. Most of them agree with me and are friends, but not all of them. Often they disagree with me, and a few detest me, but for some reason I can't account for, many of them are interested in my viewpoint, and will take modest steps to seek me out. It's inexplicable to me. You guys here all know what an azz-hole I can be sometimes. I'm not quite gone from SFF yet, but it won't be much longer I think. I may even double-down on a project that I've slowly been working on with both my sons, to create a website of our own. Probably not many will visit there in the beginning, but there will be enough to people to have fun. I just hope we don't get too busy with it so that it becomes a job. If that happens. then we won't be able to stay fresh anyway.
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OOOPSSSS GBU all!!!
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