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You know you are drinking too much coffee if... an oldie but a goodie... have a good laugh! ********************* YOU KNOW YOU’RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE IF: Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. Your answer the door before people knock. You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse. You have completed another sweater, and you don’t know how to knit. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You lick your coffeepot clean. You spend every vacation visiting “Maxwell House”. You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. You chew on other people’s fingernails. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s coffee". You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas. You don’t sweat, you percolate. You’ve worn out the handle on your coffee mug. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in. You’ve built a miniature city out of little creamer stir sticks. People get dizzy just watching you sit. You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table. The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans. You can channel surf faster without a remote. Someone says, “How are you?”, and you reply, “Good to the last drop.” You want to be cremated and buried in a coffee can. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer. You named your cats “Cream” and “Sugar”. Your thermos is on wheels. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale. You think being called a “drip” is a compliment. You don’t suntan; you roast. You don’t get mad, you get steamed. You can’t ever remember your second cup. You help your chase its tail. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate. You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.” Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup. You use coffee to escape from your problems. You eat spoonfuls of instant coffee because it’s faster. You have, on occasion, awakened in a puddle of your own coffee. It’s easier to drink more coffee than go to sleep. You have drunk cold coffee. You have drunk cold coffee right out of the pot. You have drunk cold coffee from a cup you found Monday morning at work. You spend more than 20% of your income on coffee and/or coffee related products. Your coffee cup resembles a beer stein, including size. Someone has told you, “you have a problem”. North American Indians call you “Ona mac towanda” (Breath smells-like-coffee). You have sold personal or possessions of others just to get your fix for the day. The phrase “Swiss coffee substitute” strike terror into your heart. You have a coffee maker in more than one room of your house. You have a coffee maker in more than five rooms. You have a coffee maker in your bathroom. The people at Coffee World refuse to give you free coffee cards anymore. The Drug Enforcement Unit raided your house only to find you grow your own coffee. You burn out more than one coffee pot a year. You blamed the coffee pot burnout on a lightning strike. You salivate uncontrollably whenever you hear dripping water. Sleep is only a hobby. Sleep is difficult because your eyes are always open. You can thread a sewing machine while it is running. |
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This is what I call a funny blog. We need lots more of these from bloggers. Love it.
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Looks like I don't qualify with my one small cup after lunch. Sigh.
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