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A Brief Moment of Anxiety I can’t sleep. In a little over 36 hours it will all be over. Funny, I’ve never been this anxious in the past. Ok, there’s been a few changes since the last time but usually I like change. But I can’t sleep. I’m anxious. Tonight we carb-load. Pasta, bread, potatoes. Tonight we prepare our bodies for the assault. I’ve been fairly inactive this week. Waiting. It’s nerve-racking. It is supposed to be warm – 80s they say. Wind, brisk wind with gusts up to 45 mph, are predicted. Maybe this is why I am anxious. Wind always triggers a bit of asthma but I’ve taken my medication this week. Hopefully, that will help. Undoubtedly, though, wind will increase the difficulty for all of us and gusts will increase the danger. Saturday morning, my support should be here by 8. Once more I’ll fuel up, mentally and physically, before we pick up the others. The five of us, all women ‘of a certain age’, will be at the starting line by 11am. Hundreds of others will be there, waiting. Waiting for the big moment when we all mount and begin weaving our way through Tucson. We will be joining the others and nearly 9,000 of us will fill the perimeter streets of the Old Pueblo. El Tour’s champions. I hope there won’t be too many crashes this year. My orthopedic surgeon is on call for this. When I saw him yesterday he sounded like he was almost looking forward to treating the breaks, the sprains, the tears, the bruises - to being part of this Event. His will be a different kind of race, a different kind of challenge. He told me he hopes he doesn’t see me. Me, too. Yet I am committed. I don’t back down. That’s not who I am. I throw myself off the overhang, trusting myself and the rope. I take a into the wilderness for five days with little more than sleeping bags, a tent and other essentials. I canoe into the swamp for three days with a 9-year-old, anxious only slightly about the alligators. I drive over really crappy roads in the true wilderness for fun, knowing I have no cell service. That’s who I am and what I do. My relationship with challenge and danger defines me. Saturday afternoon I will be a Road Warrior. I will prevail against the wind and my own increasing frailties. I will challenge my body, my knees, my spirit. I will not ‘win’ the race or even place. But that is no matter. I will meet the challenge and I will be satisfied. The personal challenge is the motivation and the goal. Saturday afternoon I ride. |
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