| Blogs > spiritwoman45 > Life in the Canyon |
|
Part Of The Problem All of the arguing and insulting here reminds me of my first marriage and the lesson I learned from my coon hound. I shared this some time ago but it seems appropriate to re post. My first husband made a game of arguing and fighting for sport. I did not see this before we got married but it came out within the first year. For about 5 years I would take the bait and argue back. His barbs hurt and I felt I needed to defend myself. Of course that made me part of his problem. I could never win becasue as things escalated he got nastier and more insulting. Looking back I should have just left but I was a firm believer that I needed to make marriage work. At that time I had a couple of dogs including a coon hound my vet had talked me into taking. She was a great but did the typical hound thing of passive resistance. She would get up on the couch and when I would tell her to get off she would go limp and look at me as only a hound can. Not much I could do about 50 or so pounds of limp dog. Dealing with her it occurred to me that I should use the same tactics dealing with my husband. Next time he tried to instigate by insulting me I simply did not reply. He hurled more insults getting madder and madder. The best was when he screamed at me that I was not being fair becasue I wouldn't fight. Eventually I did have to leave the marriage though becasue I had little and needed to protect them from verbal abuse. I realized further that raising them with this sort of a role mode they were likely to develop the same behavior and that would make their lives unhappy and unsuccessful. My point here is that every time we respond whether it be a comment or a separate blog or allow someone to be offensive or verbally abusive on our blog we are co conspirators and need to take responsibility for our part in perpetuating the nastiness. There is no need to defend yourself. We all know who the offending individuals are and are not influenced by them, annoyed, yes but hardly influenced. . Maisie wrote a blog of self esteem earlier today. Appropriate self esteem allows us to ignore the unfounded insults hurled at us. Until we all stop responding and do all we can to not allow this in our blogs we are just as guilty as those we accuse. Spiritwoman ^i^ |
|||
|
You are right Spirit but that is easier said than done. It is a natural instinct to defend ourselves when attacked. Here even more so, because if someone says something nasty and we don't respond, we might be perceived as agreeing with the comment made. As far as someone being nasty to someone else on our blog, I really despise when that happens. I wish there would be more respect for the person who posted the blog but unfortunately that is only wishful thinking. I was told not to delete comments so what I usually do is write back to the person who started the nastiness. I feel that is all we could do. Elaine Shuel
| ||
|
I agree Maisie, and that is why when someone starts hurtling insults, I try to say something. Elaine Shuel
| ||
4/18/2016 10:36 am |
fortunately the need to block has been very infrequent for me, less than I can count on one hand. when someone invades my blog with nastiness I create a comment that I have deleted their comment becasue of it. If they persist I warn them that I will not tolerate insulting others on my blog and that at the next incident they will be blocked. If needed that is what I do. Spiritwoman ^i^
| ||
4/18/2016 10:40 am |
I agree about liberals ceasing to blog. It is part of the liberal message. live and let live and if it is unpleasant move on. There are plenty of other places where both ends of the spectrum and anything in between can go to be with like minded folks. Spiritwoman ^i^
| ||
4/18/2016 10:48 am |
You are right Spirit but that is easier said than done. It is a natural instinct to defend ourselves when attacked. Here even more so, because if someone says something nasty and we don't respond, we might be perceived as agreeing with the comment made. As far as someone being nasty to someone else on our blog, I really despise when that happens. I wish there would be more respect for the person who posted the blog but unfortunately that is only wishful thinking. I was told not to delete comments so what I usually do is write back to the person who started the nastiness. I feel that is all we could do. As for others believing it, REALLY? It doesn't take long to see who the nasties are Very few of us give any credibility to anything they . My reaction is "OK, got it an infinite number of insults ago." then do all I can not to aid and abet. Spiritwoman ^i^
| ||
4/18/2016 10:56 am |
I do understand the pack mentality but wonder how much is genuine, how much is the few others who we also know to be inclined to jump into the fray, and how much is legitimate or just the old multiple handle fake supporter thing. The best of all is the very very few who "switch sides" just to encourage the game. Perhaps I am fortunate but I have been able to get my message across to just about everyone. Spiritwoman ^i^
| ||
4/18/2016 11:00 am |
I know what you mean and I leave without a comment most of the time. My weakness is making a ridiculous smart azz remark. My sense of humor takes off into the absurd without much encouragement. Sometimes I can't help myself but most people I do that to have been here a while and know my quirks. Spiritwoman ^i^
| ||
4/18/2016 11:06 am |
No one has to be silenced. My thoughts are just to carry on and blog about your interests as normal without "calling out" anyone. Trust me, we all get who is who and attach the appropriate credibility or most lack there of to what they say. My feeling about "liberals" is that most get the game and choose to move on to pleasanter and more effective means of spreading their message. We are all stubborn old hounds when it comes to our political and social leanings. I love to discuss differences in the appropriate setting. Unfortunately this is not it. Spiritwoman ^i^
| ||
4/18/2016 11:09 am |
I don't think it has much to do with being outnumbered etc. Part of the liberal path is not to waste time or energy butting heads against the wall. There are far better ways of expressing and sharing political and / or social ideologies. It takes people willing to consider the other side's opinion to have a real discussion and from what I have seen here it's preaching not discussion. Spiritwoman ^i^
| ||
4/18/2016 11:13 am |
True about either having it or not. I like discussion of this sort of thing but try to present information for what it is, just information to do with as each individual sees fit. Spiritwoman ^i^
| ||
4/18/2016 11:15 am |
Hi Spirit. I'm sorry you had a problem like that in your first marriage. It had to be very frustrating to get caught in something like that. The advice I gave my kids was to always keep disagreement focused on the issue, and never let it spill over into anything personal. Be quick to forgive is the path to peace. Spiritwoman ^i^
| ||
4/18/2016 11:19 am |
I definitely agree that silence does not mean consent. For me it means a variety of things: I am not going to dignify that with a response, I have nothing to add, I'm not interested in the topic, I don't have time to respond at the moment, I refuse to do battle with an unequal, I'm not taking the bait and so on. Spiritwoman ^i^
| ||
4/18/2016 11:20 am |
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Maybe this is how tongue piercing got it's start. Spiritwoman ^i^
|
×
×