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Negativity and Sexuality Negativity about sexual desire came up in a blog recently. Caught me off guard. Silly me assumed everyone on a dating site would have it. Granted, we need to exercise caution and discretion about what we do about it and how we express it but sexual desire is a normal and healthy part of life for both men and women. No one should be offended hearing about it or ashamed experiencing it. I’m left to wonder how this negativity comes about. We live in a society where everything is sexualized, although we North Americans tend to be a bit more conservative than many cultures. Women spend a fortune on making themselves look more desirable. Men spend a lot of time and energy on male enhancement products. Women take estrogen, men take testosterone. Sexuality is at the very basis of self-esteem and is very fragile. Emotional trauma, loss, betrayal and abuse can destroy it. Disability or physical trauma can steal it. Therapists’ offices are full of patients who want to get their “mo-jo” back. I worked in a variety of programs during my years in a day job. One included therapy with victims of sexual abuse. There were many issues they needed to deal with but one they had in common was to get normal sexual desire back. So – if we can still feel horny at our age we should celebrate. Even if we no longer choose to acknowledge these basic human instincts in ourselves we should applaud rather than condemn those who have made it through the emotional and physical wars of getting to our age with healthy desires intact. Maybe there should be a button that says old, horny and proud of it. Spiritwoman ^i^ |
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I suspect that we've over-done the emphasis on sexuality in modern times, and some folks who long felt very strongly about it in the past are coping with the realization that it's not the only thing in life that makes one happy. As if sex doesn't fulfill them completely, then what else is there to life? I think for many, it's a depressing let-down. I'm not saying that's a good or bad thing, but some of the mystique has gone out of it today. Personally, due to health and my meds, I have an almost dead libido. My anti-depressants had a very profound effect on my sex drive years ago, and I was at first very concerned and hoped to get off these meds ASAP. But over about 6 months time, I came to enjoy life this way. I'm not so easily manipulated on many subjects as I might have been in the past, and I don't stress over my appeal like I used to. I can focus better and accomplish more. I just don't feel such a need to impress anyone. GBU, Gavin
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I believe the worst moral police in the world is our own upbringing and negativity thrust into our minds about sex. Unfortunately, the clergy only reinforce the negativity. I believe if sex was accepted as any other human need without the taboos and the stigma attached to it, we should have a society sans the prudishness often observed in our attitude. No wonder that in many of the tribes where excessive morality has not overwhelmed and dominated lives, cases of sexual offences are minimal compared to what we witness in our society. I agree with Leafline that sex is not everything with a little difference. That difference is an acknowledgement that sex is very important but not everything in life. Thanks for the thoughtful post, SpiritGirl. Have a wonderful day.   & a KOC."To fight the darkness do not draw your sword, light a candle" - Zarathustra
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2/22/2013 4:12 am |
Hi Spirit: For me s*x without love, and either a long term commitment or marriage, is out of the question. Not interested in doing it, or even joking around with men on the internet about it either. The way I feel is not a question of religion (although s*x outside of marriage is a big no-no for Christians), but it's about respect for myself and lack of hormones doesn't help either.
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Even though age in many cases has diminished our libido, that is no reason to not still get sexual pleasure from close contact with the opposite sex. Sex is the reason for living and the reason we ARE living. So I suggest we all enjoy it for what it is. Alfie...
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2/22/2013 4:56 am |
I personally would rather have chocolate!!
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2/22/2013 9:34 am |
I agree with you, if I just had somebody to play with, lol Spiritwoman ^i^
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2/22/2013 9:37 am |
I suspect that we've over-done the emphasis on sexuality in modern times, and some folks who long felt very strongly about it in the past are coping with the realization that it's not the only thing in life that makes one happy. As if sex doesn't fulfill them completely, then what else is there to life? I think for many, it's a depressing let-down. I'm not saying that's a good or bad thing, but some of the mystique has gone out of it today. Personally, due to health and my meds, I have an almost dead libido. My anti-depressants had a very profound effect on my sex drive years ago, and I was at first very concerned and hoped to get off these meds ASAP. But over about 6 months time, I came to enjoy life this way. I'm not so easily manipulated on many subjects as I might have been in the past, and I don't stress over my appeal like I used to. I can focus better and accomplish more. I just don't feel such a need to impress anyone. GBU, Gavin Spiritwoman ^i^
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2/22/2013 9:39 am |
We lead social change all our lives - why stop now? Spiritwoman ^i^
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2/22/2013 9:42 am |
Maybe becasue I cut to the chase and you try to be delicate. One of the benefits / problems with being ADD is that we just blurt it our. The challenge is to be direct but still have some tact. I often fall short on the tact but don't waste words. Spiritwoman ^i^
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2/22/2013 9:44 am |
Celebrate and enjoy life as it is given to us for as long as it is given to us is the key. Spiritwoman ^i^
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2/22/2013 9:46 am |
Most of those postings you refer to are not genuine expressions of sexuality but rather symptoms of damaged sexual desire or lack or self esteem. Spiritwoman ^i^
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2/22/2013 9:49 am |
Even though age in many cases has diminished our libido, that is no reason to not still get sexual pleasure from close contact with the opposite sex. Sex is the reason for living and the reason we ARE living. So I suggest we all enjoy it for what it is. Alfie... Spiritwoman ^i^
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2/22/2013 9:51 am |
I believe the worst moral police in the world is our own upbringing and negativity thrust into our minds about sex. Unfortunately, the clergy only reinforce the negativity. I believe if sex was accepted as any other human need without the taboos and the stigma attached to it, we should have a society sans the prudishness often observed in our attitude. No wonder that in many of the tribes where excessive morality has not overwhelmed and dominated lives, cases of sexual offences are minimal compared to what we witness in our society. I agree with Leafline that sex is not everything with a little difference. That difference is an acknowledgement that sex is very important but not everything in life. Thanks for the thoughtful post, SpiritGirl. Have a wonderful day. & a KOC.Sex is only one of many human needs and desires and that culture, religion an society use it as a weapon for manipulation. Spiritwoman ^i^
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2/22/2013 9:54 am |
Most of us also "pretty up" to express ourselves. That is why I look so strange most of the time - pleasing my self in that respect but weird as I am I do not lack for people who like it. In fact it helps me attract more of the right people and turns off more of the wrong ones. Spiritwoman ^i^
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2/22/2013 9:58 am |
Hi Spirit: For me s*x without love, and either a long term commitment or marriage, is out of the question. Not interested in doing it, or even joking around with men on the internet about it either. The way I feel is not a question of religion (although s*x outside of marriage is a big no-no for Christians), but it's about respect for myself and lack of hormones doesn't help either. Spiritwoman ^i^
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2/22/2013 9:59 am |
I personally would rather have chocolate!! Spiritwoman ^i^
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2/22/2013 10:04 am |
Thanks for sharing your experiences with the very old. Takes me back to when I was a grad student and had to do my field placement in geriatrics. I was in my early 20's and was amazed to learn the things you related. My placement supervisor told me something that has stayed with me. "people age the same as they have lived their lives" So true in all areas. I see the sexuality that is constantly being thrown in our faces as the negativity I was talking about, mostly becasue it is a very poor rendition of what sexuality really is. Friendly takes this further in his comment. Spiritwoman ^i^
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Most people who say that they are not interested in a close/physical relationship (whether the sex act or hugs/petting/etc. etc.) either has completely shut down emotionally, or has never experienced the full joy of sex...imho. We're never too old!!!!!
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LOLOL... I like that..."Maybe everybody here is really as white bread as they sound." I assume that it means virginal. That doesn't apply to me!!! 
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2/22/2013 4:39 pm |
LOLOL... I like that..."Maybe everybody here is really as white bread as they sound." I assume that it means virginal. That doesn't apply to me!!!
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2/22/2013 4:41 pm |
LOLOL... I like that..."Maybe everybody here is really as white bread as they sound." I assume that it means virginal. That doesn't apply to me!!! Spiritwoman ^i^
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2/22/2013 4:42 pm |
You know what the medical community says - white bread is bad for you. We need plenty of whole grains. Opps - starting to sound like a health nut here. Spiritwoman ^i^
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2/22/2013 4:53 pm |
Many are hoaxes but personally I have found 2 long term relationships, many dates that were great but didn't develop into anything and many good friends on SFF. However, I do live near enough to a large US city to make meeting people more realistic. I have also traveled to meet people I met here but strongly recommend caution here. Things turned out OK for me but I was able to verify the validity of the guys first. Again, no serious relationships developed but I did have a few great advetures and was introduced to this wonderful place where I am currently. I tell people the guy turned out to be a dud but I fell in love with Puerto Vallarta. Spiritwoman ^i^
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2/22/2013 4:55 pm |
Most people who say that they are not interested in a close/physical relationship (whether the sex act or hugs/petting/etc. etc.) either has completely shut down emotionally, or has never experienced the full joy of sex...imho. We're never too old!!!!! Spiritwoman ^i^
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2/23/2013 4:57 am |
Hi Spirit: I find it interesting that some people here seem to believe that those of us who are not here looking for s*x must be lying. One person's interests are not necessarily everyone else's interests. How can someone know for certain why another person joined a seniors' friendship and dating group?
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