Blog : Hey Everybody! It’s Doctor Ricky’s Health Reform

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3/23/2010 4:13 pm

Hey Everybody! It’s Doctor Ricky’s Health Reform

Hey Everybody! It’s Doctor Ricky’s Health Reform

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

DR. RICKY: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't them waste on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart does not make you live longer; it is like saying you extend the life of a car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

DR. RICKY You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a lamb chop can give you 100% of the recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

DR. RICKY: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, which means they take water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of nature’s fruity goodness that way. Beer is also made of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? .

DR. RICKY: If you have one body and you have some fat, your ratio is one body to one fat. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

DR. RICKY Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

DR. RICKY: YOU ARE NOT LISTENING! These days foods are fried in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

DR. RICKY Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

DR. RICKY: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

DR. RICKY: If swimming is good for your figure, explain the shape of whales to me?

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

DR. RICKY: 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Remember there is no deposit refund on your body when you die:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION:

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Eat and drink what you like.

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