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Fidelity and Sex. How They evolved for me We all know the sensation of wanting to climax with a gorgeous or handsome partner, everything is perfect- the setting, the physical attraction: but it doesn't work...something is wrong. Usually there is a little voice inside our head that has other ideas: the scheduled appointment; the parking meter about to run out; what will my regular partner say? Those distractions all affect the little organ at the base for the brain: the Hypothalamus- that controls our sexual desire. You might have gotten an arousal when you studied my pic. That feeling probably came directly from that little controller-the Hypothalamus. That's why I put that picture up- as does most everybody else on this site. It happened to me when I saw yours. Why is this relevant? My suggestion is that if you can free yourself of guilt and anxiety, do all the cleanliness and hygiene routines objectively - just like washing the dishes, doing the laundry, that little organ will be freer for your highest level of orgone energy if your new partner is sensitive, listening for your anxieties, giving you control of what and where and how it all happens, then moving surely and confidently ahead. No one enjoys a beginner rummaging around in those very special sensitivities. Now, a totally different idea: The concept of forbidden fruit is ok- but that's a win-lose situation. You want to win at your partners expense- you take your pleasure then disappear. (That's my idea of the short version of that particular story- it's really a lot more complex.). In the end you never win either. I've found that when I can accept my own body's desires- as biological- apart from my feelings of loyalty and fidelity to my partner- who has a ( totally different set of biological sexual needs and desires from mine) then I can love her completely, while enjoying a fully giving and sharing relationship with women and men also, who are able to let themselves trust me, give themselves over to the whole experience, communicate openly with me- letting me know when it hurts a little, or when it's just right...all of that...then the Hypothalamus functions for both of us are eagerly released and the ecstasy is more complete. One great thing about it is that I can return to my partner and easily accommodate the fact that she might not want sex for another week or so. My needs are taken care of- and I'm not making her feel obligated, or guilty. I sincerely hope this does not feel intrusive. I'm only sharing what has helped me over many years. Cheers, |
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