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This Isn't what I had in mind One of the primary things I do in life is compose presentations that will get peoples' attention. I win some. I lose some. But, that is what I do for other folks in order to present them with something that will benefit them. I need more than that for myself. I want someone to communicate with, in a personal way, on some regular basis, even if all we say to one another is "Hello, I made it through another day. How about you?" Romance is not exactly what I had in mind, but practically all of the sites I have tried may say "friends" and "pen pals" but, what more of the folks than not use them for is to find someone to partner up with for romance or partying or whatever. That's not what I want. I just need the compassion of another human being with real feelings. All I'm asking for is ONE person, just one. It's not like I am trying to form a club full of folks to concentrate on me. I need someone to care to get to know me and to care about what goes on in my life as much as I would care about what goes on in theirs. That person does not have to be romantically inclined toward me. Out of the zillions of folks that use the internet, why is it so difficult to find a person of the opposite sex who is willing to be a compassionate friend and penpal? |
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I know how you feel Lorraine, but please dont give up hope...I've made many wonderful friends online...friends for life. If you dont like blogging, then you dont have to do it...you can still read others blogs, not to mention try the chatroom, and the magazine. If you feel like it you can respond to blogs or magazine posts, if you dont, it doesn't matter. There are many people...like me...who are looking for friends too. I hope you'll try a little longer, you never know, you might meet the perfect friend. My very best wishes to you love Katie
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5/25/2006 10:27 am |
A good thing is not always found in a short time. What you discribe is kind of rare...sort of looking for a needle in a hay stack. My experience is that your will find a fellow with compassion and a listening ear and you will enjoy it. After 10 p.m. he comes alive with a new set of boundaries  and that is only because he his human and was made that way.
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5/25/2006 10:43 am |
Lorraine, If this is not for you, we understand, not everyone likes the same thing. Good luck in what ever you do. ~Pam~  and  ~Pam & SunshinePain & suffering are inevititable, but misery is optional.
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5/25/2006 10:48 am |
Miss Peatrie/Lorraine, how many of these so called phantom friends have you attempted to converse with..any? Does anyone know who and what you are about, have you given someone an opportunity to get to know you.. Perhaps you need just a little more time to mingle, to observe or lurk as they say,, Enter a chat room, just hang out, read some posts, poems, mag advice or questions.. Give it a chance, sounds like you are on a race track in the home stretch, and the race hasn't started yet. I don't want to sound unfriendly but how does one make friends without trying? Each and everyone of us has not had a friend when first entering here, but before long, we grow on you, you just have to water us with a little friendship of your own.. Keep in mind too, this is an International site, so different folks are in here at different times of day and nite,, Looking forward to seeing you around and hearing more about YOU Charles
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5/25/2006 2:55 pm |
peatrie...I understand where you're coming from..and for that reason I opened another chat site...if you're interested..give a holler...I've created a room where people do care about one another..not saying they don't here...but let's face it...most are looking for mates..and forget about the other people...sad but true..don't give up yet...try the chat rooms...you will find some nice people in chat..just proceed with caution...LOL...you'll do fine..hope to see you there sometime...either in here or my chat site...good friends are always welcome...male or female...
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5/25/2006 7:50 pm |
lorraine, I can't do anything but say "amen" to what everyone else has said. My heartfelt belief is that SEARCHING doesn't help. Just do what you want to and talk with who pleases you and you'd be surprised as to what happens.
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5/25/2006 10:56 pm |
Hello everyone! I didn't want to just drop out Of SFF without giving some sort of notice but, I did not expect to receive so many comments. I have chosen to respond to your comments in this one comment block. I hope they allow this to be posted this way. (The colors are just to make the names more visible. They don't have any special meaning.) Katie, your encouragment is very much appreciated. While "friends" (plural) is not exactly what I was seeking, finding some would certainly be wonderful! I will think about the chat rooms and other modes of communication. Prov31...(interesting choice of Proverbs by the way) Your suggestion is duly noted. I may hang around the pc a little later during the night. Thank you for offering me a lift up. PamYou always have such loving comments. Thank you. It's heartwarming to know I don't have to please a person in order to receive an offer of understanding and well wishes. ParisI have been in groups before where I posted just for my own amusement whether anybody responded or not. I grew bored with it after awhile. However, I was not looking for anybody to respond, so I did not really write anything to draw attention enough to get responses, at that time. I have read some of your posts and comments. I've seen that it appears to work for you. And, the thought did occur to me to try doing like you do. But, it didn't stick with me. It is worth considering, though. Thank you for your kind encouragement. TeresaThank you for your thoughtful encouragement. I will consider what you have said. You seem like a sweet person. Dan I appreciate the thought and, I believe you are sincere. It's a shame I didn't bump into you in one of the groups where we could freely send messages. It's good to know somebody would have talked with me, all the same. TonyI hope my follow-up post helps clear up what I meant when I said "I messed up". I joined and exited so many groups because they were listed under Friendships/Pen Pals but after I got in and participated awhile, I realized that nearly all of the conversations were focussed on people searching for and trying to hook up with mates or people to party with. I didn't feel comfortable because my conversations were not in line with theirs. When I got in SFF and I saw a lot of the discussions were about the same thing, I figured I messed up and joined another group that I would not fit in with. You see what I mean? I am realizing that I may have been hasty in assuming that this time. And, I appreciate you (as well as everyone else who commented)trying to help me see that. Thank you. juneroses...Thanks for the invitation. I may decide to try out your chat room. I don't begrudge anybody any opportunities they find that may open up doors for them to find the special mate or party partner that they seek. I would just like not to feel like a misfit in the process. However, as it has been suggested, I may have been too hasty in judging SFF as a site where I would not have a place to fit in. Pollyanna5Your photos are so lovely. It is kind of you to offer encouragement. Thank you. You are right. I cannot expect anybody to know information that I do not provide. I just was not planning to make that many friends because I had my search narrowed down to ONE individual (a needle in a haystack). Thanks to you and the others who commented, I may be widening my scope so that I can focus on more than one, and maybe come across that one I looked for in the "haystack" in the process. CharlesI saved you for last because I wanted to thank you for being candid and straight forward in your comment. I did not consider it harsh. In my comments to the others I touched on some of what I would have said to you. Regarding SFF, as you indicated, I may have been too hasty in judging it to be a site that I would not be able to find a place where I fit in. Your suggestions were wise and well-grounded and I am giving them a lot of thought. I'd like you to know, however, that my attitude comes from being spoiled -- very very spoiled by someone who was that special friend I seek. I could talk to him about anything, even simple every day stuff and never get the vibe from him that it bored him. He always made me feel special and loved ... not in any romantic way ... but as a person very much appreciated for the person I am. He was always eager to hear from me and I was just as eager to hear from him. It was never a romantic thing. He was barely 30 years old and I was in my early 50's when I met him. He was seeking a wife and came across some of my emails. Even after I made it clear to him that I could not be a prospective wife for him, he wanted me to write to him, because he enjoyed my emails so much. He continued his search for a wife but, never abandoned me as his special friend. He made me realize that some people out in the world actually exist who consider it worth the time and effort to try to get to know someone and learn to care about someone by cultivating appreciation for the person (flaws and all) with no more motive for doing it than compassion for another person's existance. We lost touch with one another after my computer crashed. No other person has ever taken the intitiative nor the time to try to get to know me so well as that young man did. I did not have to plead for attention from him. I did not have to think up ways to tempt him to develop an interest in me. All I did was tell stories about myself, my flaws, my mistakes my experiences, etc. just being myself and trying to amuse myself online. He decided to tune in to my one-sided conversations one day and, next thing I know, he lets me know I have an audience. He stuck with me from that point on for two years. So, as I said, I was quite spoiled. But, maybe I have my expectations set too high, now. I have read all of the comments and it appears that I have. So, I am thinking about making some adjustments. Again, thank you. And, again, thank you everyone for your encouraging and kind comments. I'm pretty tired so, if I overlooked some errors, I hope you will overlook them too. May you all have something positive to focus on tomorrow that will move you toward having a wonderful day! Lorraine
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Lorraine, I had a wonderful friend too, we were so close that we could read each other's minds. He died very suddenly and tragically, just two months ago and I have been completely devastated. One thing I do realise is that if we go on looking backward, we cannot move forward, and for our own sakes it is vital that we look to the future. And, who knows...maybe there is another good friend just waiting in the sidelines somewhere. Equally as good or even better...but different, not a replacement, a new beginning. And that's the challenge, isn't it? To accept something different as being of equal value. I said "friends" in my earlier post for a very good reason. To find just the right match, we need to interact with more than one person, that's what we are doing in the blogs, magazine and chatroom. Also you could have SFF messenger turned on while in chat, and be contacted that way. You have to sift through some of the people who contact you, but it's easy to do, using the decline or ignore buttons. I wish you well love Katie.
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5/26/2006 6:46 am |
Thank you Lapkittie (cute handle). I think I may give that a try. Enjoy your day! Lorraine
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5/26/2006 9:14 am |
Thank you Katie, for sharing. I feel empathy for you having lost such a dear friend. I was crushed when I lost touch with my friend. I don't mean to seem as if I do not care to have more than one friend, or that a female friend would not be just as meaningful to me. It is true that I have not had any good experiences with drawing close to more than one person at a time. And, those undesirable experiences are what drove me to test the waters for friendship with only one person at a time. I just got so spoiled with the one I mentioned that I never wanted to widen out the field. I didn't even care to find a husband anymore because he was there for me every day (not physically)in the way that matters most to me. But, I think it would be a wonderful thing if I could find friends I could trust. The time it would take to cultivate a field of friends would be worthwhile. And, I am interested in trying. I have decided to try out the suggestions that you and others have offered. So, I will stick around awhile. How could I not after all of the loving encouragement I have received? Bye for now. Lorraine P.S. Charles, if you see this message, What do you think of the new photo of me? (It'll show up if it is approved.) Does it make me seem less intimidating and a little more friendly?
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5/31/2006 2:51 pm |
MARTHA your kind words are welcomed and appreciated. Thank you. I had posted a different comment to you earlier today. I was having a bad day so, it got lengthy and moody. I deleted it. I hope you are having a good day. Lorraine
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