| Blogs > starwomyn > un·a·pol·o·get·ically STAR!!! |
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A Reminder to Myself!!!!! Dealing with On-Line Bullies The best way to deal with with an on-line bully don't respond, don't interact and don't engage. This is not easy but it is doable. The first response natural response is self-defense but it is counter-productive to communicate or reason with a bully. The bully does not function with the mindset of a mature adult. The bully is constitutionally incapable of reason. The bully may be an adult on the outside, on the inside they are like ill-mannered who's never grew up - and probably never will. Bullies and harassers often have disordered thinking patterns. Keep documentation of the abuse in a file. When the time comes to take action, this file is your evidence. Bullies, especially cyberbullies, are obsessive people and if their account is closed down, they may start another profile so expect to receive harassing messages from that profile. This can later be compared to harassing messages already received to identify the bully. There will be similar words, phrases and strategies occurring. Don’t try to deal with the bully yourself. Even mature experienced adults often cannot handle bullying and harassment by themselves. Get a third party to intercede and take the bully to task. When people use bullying behaviors they project their own weaknesses, failings and shortcomings on to others. In other words, they are telling you about themselves by fabricating an accusation based on something they themselves have done wrong. When you are being harassed on-line, ask the question, "What is this person revealing about themselves this time?" When the timing is right, take action. Prepare carefully and strike hard. Ignoring the bully may cause them to lose interest and find an easier target to torment but don't count on it. The cyberbully may obsessed to the point that that s/he cannot and will not let go. You will have to make that person let go, but only through swift, hard, action. It is best not to deal with the abuser yourself. NEVER try to mediate, negotiate, conciliate or otherwise deal with a bully or stalker yourself . Always remember Rule #1: don't respond, don't interact and don't engage. Ignore Button, Ban Button and Report Abuse  Abracadabra  |
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Star, I have not always agreed with or supported you in the past and in my opinion you have often invited counter-attacks. However, there is no excuse for the degree in which you've been stalked, abused and bullied. I am sorry for any part in which I may have played into the games. I can't fathom the extremes to which some have taken to cause you and others such anguish.
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7/15/2006 10:49 am |
Star, I second what Hobs has to say. I'm very glad you and I made our peace some time ago. I thank you for taking the time to write me so we could clear the air like we did. Everyone and I repeat EVERYONEhas a right to be on this site...it is a pity others can't or don't understand that. Stay strong! Hobs...good to see you again!
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Thanks Hobbs and Nemo - I have taken all of my questions out of the magazine will transfered them to blogland. The magazine is a lost cause. I've called the Abuse Team and get the response, "They have Free Speech" or I get into trouble myself by reacting to the abuse. At least in the blogs, the owner has the option of doing something about something about it. responding, interact and engaging just seems to esculate the sitution. Abracadabra
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DenverColorado I love your postings Denver. The females who attack you in packs are the losers because they will never experience how wonderful you are.  Abracadabra
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7/15/2006 1:28 pm |
thanks STAR
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7/15/2006 2:48 pm |
Star, I have not always agreed with or supported you in the past and in my opinion you have often invited counter-attacks. However, there is no excuse for the degree in which you've been stalked, abused and bullied. I am sorry for any part in which I may have played into the games. I can't fathom the extremes to which some have taken to cause you and others such anguish. I am not aware of (((Starr's))) problems, but I do understand what goes on here and I respect where you are coming from. Barbie
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7/15/2006 2:59 pm |
Star, I have not always agreed with or supported you in the past and in my opinion you have often invited counter-attacks. However, there is no excuse for the degree in which you've been stalked, abused and bullied. I am sorry for any part in which I may have played into the games. I can't fathom the extremes to which some have taken to cause you and others such anguish. I like this one: Keep documentation of the abuse in a file. When the time comes to take action, this file is your evidence. Bullies, especially cyberbullies, are obsessive people and if their account is closed down, they may start another profile so expect to receive harassing messages from that profile. This can later be compared to harassing messages already received to identify the bully. There will be similar words, phrases and strategies occurring. I think they are obsessive and also "controlling" and someone once told me this is a sign of people who aren't really in "control" of their own mental health. This is why they exhibit this kind of behavior. The sad thing is I don't believe they can change, but I hope to be proved wrong on that remark. Barbie
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I don't have the problems in the Blogs that I have with the Magazine. In our personal Blogs, we can delete the remarks from the troublemakers. We can also ban them. That is not an option in the magazine. Abracadabra
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Star....There is a lot that you have written in the Magazine that I haven't agreed with, but like HobsonsChoice I respect your right to your thoughts and opinions. I entered the Magazine with a completely open mind some 6 months ago and since then I have witnessed the extremely unfair and unnecessary treatment dealt out to you on a regular and continual basis...I feel a little cowardly for not defending you but this only gives the bullies another target..I have also read extensive Blogs where the writer has deliberately set out to insult and defame you... Whatever you have done you dont deserve this. I completely agree with your advice in this Blog and recommend that all members should read it and use a litlle commonsense and courtesy towards others. Please ignore the bullies and post more interesting questions and responses in the Magazine....
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Excecllent advice, Star, something I should have taken long ago to stop the attacks in the 'advice lines'... thanks for a super post! I shall certainly bear this in mind for future use. Yes, Mark, I agree with you 100%.. ignore the bullies etc! Although I read the mag often, I no longer post there, it's not worth the aggravation to put up with the onslaught of nasty underhanded comments that some feel necessary to post. In one particular case, I truly believe an attack began due to jealousy which I won't expound on here. It seems that it's ok for one group to act a certain way but when any other person chooses to retaliate to defend his/her article/posting then the problems begin. As you said here Mark, common sense and courtesy toward others... I wonder how many will read this and see themselves!
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7/18/2006 2:19 pm |
WAY TO GO STAR, THAT WAS GREAT READING, YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE MY SUPPORT. CASSY HAS TAKEN THIS ARTICLE INTO THE MAGAZINE.
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GreatSmile4U- When you post a question, there is an option which allows you to delete the question and all the responses. I used the Copy and Paste Function to place them in the blogs. Some of the ones that I deleted, I placed in my 360 blog. It is not worth the time and effort to put together a question only to have it flooded with negetive ugly nasty comments that some of the malcontents feel that they have to post. At least in the blogs, I have the option of booting out them and their nasty comments out of my space. Abracadabra
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What I find interesting is the fact that Cascading Hearts got himself booted AGAIN!!! for the umteenth time........... and his so called friends encourage him to continue the behavior that got him booted in the first place yet they are blaming members who are opting not to participate in the magazine. Abracadabra
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Thank you, Destiny. Yes, I shall submit suggestions for improvement to SFF, great idea! Yes, I did read in the Advice Lines where they mention Star's article. I wonder how many of them have actually 'read' it and understood. They attack, abuse and egg on so that one can relaliate and then they don't like the responses, so they report abuse! However, they don't seem to get booted themselves, do they? At the risk of sounding a bit vindictive, I strongly believe in the saying 'what goes around, comes around'... it will happen! Oh, and if this isn't enough, they resurrect old articles so that someone can once again retaliate... round and round we go (grin)!! GreatSmile4U, I don't blame you... we all feel the same. You are so right Akamatt, you can't beat a dead horse. By the way, I wanted to thank you for your many times of support in the mag. I have always enjoyed your postings. Angiebaby, great to see you girl... keep up the excellent work!! LOL I know that like myself, many will miss the interesting articles that Mark and Destiny (and a few others) often submitted.
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Apparently, Cascading Hearts aka Another Anonymous has found a few new targets in the magazine. I suspect that he will soon be company with some annoying persons who are on my ban list. Abracadabra
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Actually - Cascading Hearts aka BlondeNurse2 just got himself booted from the site. I could have easily just deleted his remark and ban him from my blog - but the fact that he used my blog to attack another member is unacceptable. Abracadabra
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Blooper Darlin - How marvelously magnificent to see you and your highly evolved persona.  A celebration is in order. Please don't be a stranger. We need more like you around. Abracadabra
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Hey there Booper, how nice to see you again. We live so close and yet so far, don't we? Oh folks, have you noticed that those in the mag don't realize why their numbers have gone down hmmmm (or is it 'duhhh'? lol)... do you think it's because many have deleted their own articles in which they suffered much abuse themselves or towards others?? Problem solved!!! Thank you, Star for allowing us to comment here!
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GreatSmile - If you check the bottom of the three pictures with check more - It will give you a list of the participants in the magazine. If you click on their score - you can tell how many times they have voted. It is interesting to see someone who participates very little yet has a couple thousand votes. The agree/disagree votes have nothing to do with the quality of your postings. It is all about members giving you disagree votes to keep your points down and their points up so that they can stay at the top of the list. Sadly, this is one of the reasons why some of the more intelligent posters like FrenchSalsa, Destiny, Homeboy, akamatt and others have been targets for harassment. When you look at the big picture, just how important is it. I am here to meet friends and perhaps a love connection. The agenda is about thier issues not you and what you are posting. Abracadabra
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GreatSmile. When you get to the site for the Magazine. The left of the screen has the Top Advice Line Responders with three pictures. Under the picture is the Response Score. When you click on the Response Score - You can find out out many questions they've submitted. How many questions they've responded to. The score for votes receives and how many votes that they themselves have cast. Below the Three pictures is View More - If you click on View More - You will find the pictures of everyone who has participate in the magazine within the week. Abracadabra
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7/25/2006 9:30 am |
So this is where u havee ran off to. Now U know I have never,never,never said anything wrong to u. I just hope and pray tell that u beleive this.I guess I m the only one in mag that doesnt hide behind a wall and spit at people.I have always been forth coming.Even though I have beeen taken out in the hallway once or twice to get a whippin.I have always spoke my mind and sometimes let my mouth overload my butt. But as u know I have always had the upmost respect for u and others that I have known for so long. I miss seein that wink in the mornin very much or a email every now andd then. U know I do love cucumber salad and will always eat at your table or you at mine. If I don't ever hear from u again I do want u to know I DO MISS U! LOVE U MEAN IT RICK
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It is certainly a pity that the Magazine has descended to the level that it has.. Any intelligent debate is stifled and the writers of such material are made to feel unwelcome.. Any disagreement with the "Owners" of the site (the so-called cabal) results in multiple "disagree" votes being recorded every time you post (even if you are wishing someone happy birthday)... This is juvenile behaviour.. However it doesn't stop at this. The archives are searched seeking out any old questions you have posted that they can resurrect by posting insulting remarks aimed at discrediting you. Phantom profiles are created with the express purpose of being used to intimidate a person. The "owners" always insist on having the last say and they will harass you relentlessly trying to provoke a response that will give them cause to have you banned. They of course have nothing to lose except a phantom profile.. It doesn't take long to work it all out... Star, you have my support... not because I like your astrology... but because you don't deserve to be treated like you have been..
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It is certainly a pity that the Magazine has descended to the level that it has.. Any intelligent debate is stifled and the writers of such material are made to feel unwelcome.. Any disagreement with the "Owners" of the site (the so-called cabal) results in multiple "disagree" votes being recorded every time you post (even if you are wishing someone happy birthday)... This is juvenile behaviour.. However it doesn't stop at this. The archives are searched seeking out any old questions you have posted that they can resurrect by posting insulting remarks aimed at discrediting you. Phantom profiles are created with the express purpose of being used to intimidate a person. The "owners" always insist on having the last say and they will harass you relentlessly trying to provoke a response that will give them cause to have you banned. They of course have nothing to lose except a phantom profile.. It doesn't take long to work it all out... Star, you have my support... not because I like your astrology... but because you don't deserve to be treated like you have been..  Abracadabra
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